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    aquarius

    lol yeah it definitely does. so for some time now, i have been trying to get him to see me a last time so we could talk about things in person and so i could say goodbye to him. he says he can't and that it would only complicate matters. i thought he didn't even want to see me anyway...so i don't see why it would be so hard for him to say it to me.

    i told him how i tried to accept that he wouldn't see me and to accept the goodbyes online in letters and texts, and that i had tried talking to other people after that, but it just didn't cut it for me...i need a good bye in person i said and that i think that is the reason why i haven't allowed myself to be interested in anyone else.

    it's ridiculous how he made me drop off his stuff at his house instead of talking face to face...especially when he lives right around the corner from me to the point where i sometimes pass his house even if i don't want to because a friend of mine lives near him, too.

    i reminded him that a while ago he wrote me that i should do what is best for me, hahaha. i hope using his own words against him will do the trick because although he cannot say goodbye face to face, that is what i think i need.

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    aquarius

    u may very well have gonorrhea or chlamydia, but u definitely have something for sure. if it burns when u pee, that definitely sounds like a std cuz someone i got with said that's what happened to them, and i got myself checked turns out i had it, too, but it never burned for me when i peed tho. he says he thinks i had it first, i think he had it first, but it's just best not to argue and to get rid of it, lol. u just take four pills at one time of this one thing, i forget what it's called and it's gone over night. u'll find out from your doctor.

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    aquarius

    I think when I told him that he has a STD that's when he mostly changed because I think he's in denial about it. I'm thinking he got it from the person before me and he didn't know. I talked to him on the phone Friday (I'm still shocked there are guys who like to talk on the phone, lol, because guys before me only texted or facebooked me) and asked him if he's done anything about it yet and it didn't sound like he did. And it was like over a month ago that I found out we had it. I guess it's good that we aren't hanging out for a while I definitely don't want to get it again.We have agreed to be friends who just talk and don't see each other at the moment, though it is hard, but I guess the STD thing is making it a quicker way for me to get over him if he still doesn't do anything about it. I definitely have friends who are girls who are far worse of friends than he is. I will just be a regular friend for now. IDK if I should start talking to other people or just do whatever I need for school and work now =/

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    aquarius

    I'm not sure why I'm waiting. I definitely thought about not talking to him ever again because of the STD but I guess it's because I still have this little hope thinking that the person I first met when we started hanging out would come back. He was the first guy I have ever hung out with, that didn't bring a lot of drama (e.g. crazy psycho exes blasting my phone and talking shit about me just because I was with their exes - none of that) or bullshit. For a while, it was truly on cloud 9 and drama free. He also liked talking to me and wanted to get to know me and I could talk to him about everything...something the previous guys never bothered to do thinking they could just get in and get out...but I am not about that.I was okay with it not being a serious relationship because I have wanted for the longest time just to have fun with somebody and then maybe eventually leading to a relationship. ALL of the guys before him just asked me out right away when they first met me and I was kind of glad that he did not want to go out with me so soon.

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    aquarius

    Oh, you're right! i never thought about him showing the letters to people. I hope he doesn't do that. i'm curious as to whether or not he threw away this one letter when i thought i wasn't gonna talk to him anymore. i think i might just write one, keep it in my purse. and if i see him out randomly one night unplanned, then i might give it to him then. but not drop it off in the mailbox even though he's right down the street from me, lol. My instincts are saying I should wait for him for some odd reason. I have definitely tried to talk to new people when I haven't been talking to him but I wouldn't let myself for some reason forget about him and still keep waiting for him. =/. I mean there has got to be a reason right that I won't allow myself to forget about him for a while we tried to be friends, but i told him i don't like how every time i start talking to him again, he does something or says something to make me mad. then i told him it's summer and it's incredibly boring and it's really hard for me not to talk to him, especially since i just de-friended quite a few fake friends, most of which i talked to a lot and hung out with. i feel like i have no one now. and when he wasn't on this crap he was a good person to talk to about everything.he said he is tired of me changing my mind, but the thing is, he does the same thing as me, too. i told him i couldn't talk to him a few weeks ago, then changed my mind and said i made a mistake in not being his friend and if he really meant it we could be friends. things were okay for a few days but then he told me something that pissed me off so much...he said he had this red rash around the corner of his lip for like a week now (does this sound like some form of herpes on the mouth?). i'm like wtf, he definitely didn't get that from me and that's when i told him he no longer exists to me. i already told him he could do whatever he wanted since we weren't really together, and he had insisted before he was only messing with me. well i keep seeing that he keeps getting nasty stuff which makes me obviously think he's been messing around with someone else even though he says he hasn't. i haven't seen him since may and definitely haven't done anything with him since i found out the first thing and the second thing...and this time i really wanted to be done with him...but since i have been incredibly bored, i sent him these facebook messages last sunday saying, i guess we don't have to see each other, but maybe we can talk sometimes? and he replied with he doesn't wish to hang out with me or talk to me at this time and that we should just stick with not having to do anything with each other...so then i was like fine. i seriously thought that was the final time i would say goodbye to him.two days later, from that, which was last night,i am on facebook chat...i see him on and i really want to talk to him, but i tell myself no. lol, he sends me a facebook chat first. i'm like wtf, we just said good bye like two days ago and he acts like we never said goodbye at all. i figured we wouldn't talk for at least a while. sigh...then i decided if he wants to message me first sometimes, i guess he can, but i'm going to try to refrain myself from messaging him first anymore.

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    aquarius

    ya it's that same one that gave me chlamydia, too. for someone who doesn't want anything all serious he's making it out to be one of the most complicated "non-relationships" i've ever been in, lol.

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    aquarius

    made me do the most retarded thing I think I have ever done. I know it may seem like it's a waste of time to try to get him back, but since I'm bored, I have nothing better to do. I don't blast his phone with texts or calls or anything. I'm just silently waiting until I see him again, whenever that will be.

    So right now, the person I was kind of seeing is being a jack ass. In order for me to stop myself from texting him at the moment since we aren't speaking, etc. and I told him he no longer exists to me to make us not talk to each other, I have decided to write letters to him.

    Like if I'm tempted to text him, that's when I'll write him a letter. I have it in a little black book.

    The hilarious thing is he's just right down the street from me, but...I'm not going to go over there when he doesn't want me there, although I am VERY tempted also to do that.

    I wrote how it may seem crazy that I'm writing him a book of letters (though it's not every page, just sometimes), but there are crazier things that a girl could do which I'm not like that. Like for example, I read online this one girl saved this dude's she really liked sperm from the first time that they did it...gross.

    I wrote him all I do is write him letters and think about him, that's it...no shrine, no saving anything, and no burning property of his or kicking his ass even though someone should ... hehe.

    If I see him out randomly one night some time, I'm thinking about giving him these letters. I can't decide if I should or not. Haha, do you think I should? Would you? Part of me just wants to see his reaction to the "book," LOL.

    He said he likes reading...so this is something to read right?
    This is definitely the first person I've kinda went out with that I have ever written letters to and like writing to him, lmfao.

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    aquarius

    Oh, ok, whew. Yeah it's just white or clear. So I guess there's really no way to get rid of it? I just get annoyed when it gets on my underwear sometimes, lol.I definitely don't think i'm itchy though.

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    aquarius

    It happens I'd say once in a while and it gets just a tiny bit on my underwear, like a little half a glob when it does happen.

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