How can my love increase for her when my words lack immaculance?<br />How can a boy grow to be a man when he’s fatherless?<br /><br />
well it was 108 degrees today, i worked fine, 8 hr shift, pushing carts at walmart,
till i got home, i watched a movie and walked to the living room and just like fainted, i woke up pouring sweat although the house is cold.
i went to the fridge and drank every ounce of liquid in there, a 24 oz of sprite, about 2 gallons of water, close to 2 cups of juice, and 2 24 oz bottles of water.
im doing alot better right now, but i wanna know, was it heat stroke, or heat exhaustion that caused this?
and any help for tommorrow when i go back to work. maybe another way to keep cool?
dont worry, i tried killing myself about a week ago...
i really think god hates me. shot at more times then can count, i been stabbed, car accidents, near death experiences, too many to name.
i took 60 750mg vicadens spelling
survived 4-5 hours, with a crazy ass stomach ache,
girlfriend called poison control, poison control called me, said if i dont get to a hospital in 10 minutes there calling the police, so instead of waking my mom with sirens i went to the hospital,
doctor said ingesting over 40,000mgs of painkillers should of created stomach ulsers and kidney failure, within 2-3 hours.
they pumped my stomach, and my heart dropped to single digits, one nurse said that i flatlined for 3 seconds,
the taste of charcoal is still in my mouth from that experience, i through up all the food i had eaten the past like 2 days prior... really wasnt a pleasant experience. i felt like they should of let me die.
sucks that i dont have insurance, now i got a 2000 dollar bill to pay...
you know you pay for liquid charcoal by the gallon?
1 gallon, 850 dollars.
i had about 2, cause i throw up alot of it during the pumping process.
Life is full of surprises, most are fucked up and dont work in your favor.
You go through life exceeding expectations, never expecting anything from anyone, but wanting a bit of consideration, but you never get the gratuity you deserve. Its fucked up! Im in college, studying law, working, paying my rent, paying my bills, taking car OF MY SHIT! and im still compared to this mindless idiot that i have for a sister.
and on top of that, my relationship is in the slumps again, im fucking exhausted from work, and school, AND im even looking for a night job.
shit was so much easier when i didnt give a fuck about the world.
the girl im madly in love with, is madly in love with me, but the relationship is not convenient,
She possibly likes another person, and all in all, i dont care, if he makes her happier than i do, FINE BITCH THEN LEAVE!
I cant say that ill be better, i cant say that ive been living better, the only thing that i can say, is that im living,
"never change yourself, only change your direction in life"
I made that up, and im going to live by it, If i dont have someone thats going to love me, and that i can love equally back, in my life, then fuck it, ILL CREATE THIS MOTHERFUCKING DYNASTY BY MYSELF!
I came into this world by myself, i went through everything i been through, BY MYSELF, and guess what, When i get those bullets in my chest, IM GONNA DIE BY MYSELF!
Lookin At a Dead Man
He's ready fa death, walkin through cemeteries patiently,
Noddin to disciples hangin with rifles in semetry,
Pleasantly presenting multiple ultimatums,
He's lived by my words; died for my words;
Only my words is able to save him,
His death is near, as it presses his skin,
Blood leaks slowly as his pain comes to an end,
With the scratch of a pen, and the blot of my ink,
Life, death, or pain shall amide, as it reaches a brink,
Before my eyes, I watch as death and life,
Turn back the hands of time,
His soul awakens, his body trembles,
His eyes flutter and lips mumble,
At the wakening light,
But the man that I am seeing,
Is not the man that I had seen before?
Draped in black lace configured into a mask,
I ask, who this man resembles,
Just then, he stares at me,
Brown eyes highlighting his black pupils,
Realizin that he is me, I slip silently back,
Into the depths, of hell's crest, where forever my soul rests,
Im just a simple man, lookin for a reason to live,
Im not sure why im here, I don't know what im doing,
I just know that it is,
One of those things that I'll never understand,
Im just a simple man, lookin for a reason to die,
Im pressin the razor against my wrist, wondering why,
The blade won't seep into my skin,
Tired of the tribulations that have been thrown my way,
Tired of this places, embrace,
Im just a simple man, with a complicated mind,
Suffering hardships that'll make themselves apparent in time,
Speakin through difficulties that speak in lines,
Im speakin in toungues letting my words run,
Like a collision of creative visions, through the eyes of the blind,
Minds, that rhyme, blind, through crimes, that define, devine theory,
Illumanati's speakin through me, my souls crashin as he speaks,
My words leak, sayin, as he, often told a story,
It'll hurt in the End
Theres nothing left for me to offer,
You knew it from the beginnin,
I'd eventually hurt you,
I don't know how we got in this position,
I told you I loved you, you said you felt the same,
Magical trust, love and lust, infused within weaves dat bonded us together,
I thought dat you was my lover, but I found you was waitin for another,
Someone better to come along and mold into your master plan,
Im cold hearted selfish and self centered but im just a man,
I gave you something dat no series of words could describe,
Mountains of dirt infused with powerful lies, tied to the faintest truth,
You call me a brute; I say dat you mistaken,
Your eyes slowly start to awaken, but you've stabbed the dagger into my flesh,
I disappear within your grip, slowly fadin into the abyss,
I feel hells clutch, but im relaxed,
Im not fightin the black, im just fallin on back,
We lay together face to face, I can feel you exhale,
I can feel you inhale, slowly rhythmically watchin you sleep,
Perfectly attuned to peace, I wish I could be with you,
In your dreams, and in your reality,
Im just a ghost trapped in a body, unable to feel happiness,
My mountain of dirt collapsed, into a gorge of flames,
Under the forge of pain, dat you tried to protect me from,
Life offers so many challenges, in order for you to be happy,
You cannot be with me, so im willing to distance myself for you,
But that doesn't make my choice so easy,
It's still hard, watchin you love from afar,
Your life's falling together, fitting the pieces of the puzzles,
But there's somethin missing, something dat you cannot put together,
It slowly fades from your mind in time,
As do these lines of rhymes formulated inna time unlike this,
I say goodbye, and give yo lips a kiss,
I watch mountainous curves, whilst thinkin of her,
Layin seductively callin me closer,
But the picture fades grey,
When I reach out to try n grab her,
I grab ahold of smoke n ash,
And slowly my life fades to black,
Ive gotten to the point in life where I'm just saying fuck it, and pushing ahead... i know that im here for a reason, and that whatever god is up there, has a specific purpose for me, i think that purpose is artistry, hip hop, rap, etc.
so ive decided im just going to forget about these other temptations and tribulations and accept the fact that im here as an artist, not a love and marriage counselor.
life goes on, and i hope to touch many people with my words...
i was born in this world alone, i expect to die in this world alone.
good night yall, by the way, if any of you want to reach me, my aim is LyricallyLost1 and my yahoo is Dadecountynikkuh305. my myspace is myspace.com/nightlifedatkid
i thank whoever takes the time to read all of this, as it means alot to me.
she stopped bleeding a few hours after she checked... i suggested the hospital but she neglected it...
the hand wrapped and etc. ive tried it with her, but she wants me to go deeper... as she says, "i like some pain with my pleasure"
but anyways ill try the other options, and such, but ultimately its up to her. when this happened, she was on top lol