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    ibezchillin

    And so I'm happily 7 months into a new relationship, with a childhood crush -- and our connection to each other is beyond anything in this world..!

    The no contact with my ex was perfect for me.. I was getting myself into more trouble by trying to stay in that relationship; we were better off as friends. Before making the decision to break up with her I was weighing the options of proposing and marriage -- and that honestly would have been the biggest mistake. I closed the accounts I had with her and paid back her half of the security deposit on our place in Delaware, now that I was able to. It took some time to secure the money but she was patient with me (after giving me an earful as if it was MY fault)... When I was ready to pay her back she was trying to push the idea of me holding onto it (I didn't see why I should though.. I feel as though she was trying to use me as an emergency cushion, to call on me for my debt whenever she hit rock bottom with her bills...) and I wasn't having that.. I already had everything I needed and initiated a transfer to her account. We're officially severed.. The only things keeping us connected is a deactivated Facebook account and a number in my contacts. So far she hasn't texted me to say Happy Birthday, and I haven't texted her either for hers (both of ours just recently passed) and I imagine we'll continue to drift apart. We're on somewhat better terms, but I continue to keep things short. When she has "engaged" me in conversation, she'd ask about the family and things like that -- I keep the information to a minimum since she know longer plays a role in my life that warrants that "privileged information. " Short answers to minimize the conversation, because what's the point?

    Anywho, It's now been 2 years and I feel great. Again, I'm 7 months in with the love of my life. Our connection is like no other, completely beyond compare. After the separation anxiety it became clear to me that I was holding onto my ex for the wrong reasons. We were better off as friends, but having had that relationship I can't see us being friends again -- just acquaintances from here on. This thread is ready to be closed. Thank you guys for your words of wisdom and support! It's always a great feeling to receive outside perspectives on some personal matters, especially when you may have clouded judgement.

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    SEPT 2014 Update

    And so.. I made a public stink starting after New Years about my friend hooking his boys up with my ex (didn't ruin any celebrations).. and now the 3 found themselves in a nasty mess.. I maintained NC since then.. She tried to dish out an email about how she was happy with her decision (though I didn't read it) immediately after but that was all in NC zone..

    This public stink ended up ruining my friend's relationship with his gf as well.. But its all stemmed from their connected actions. Misery loves company, and I pointed out an undeniable trend between the 4 of them that essentially repulsed each one of another.. So 1 year later stepping into that city, everyone's telling me of the deterioration around them :-(

    So we're Fast-fowarding Jan--> July, right? lol

    Between that time I healed and got my life in order, better goals, all the positives.. She breaks silence by wishing my happy birthday.. I tried to keep it minimal, but she was prying and prying about how I was, how my family was, etc.. June. So I rattled off enough to give her enough of a rundown, but more so the idea of "leave me alone, you're bothering me".. A month later would be the anniversary of the day we broke up.. July. I was able to muster up enough funds to dig myself out the debt I went into to buy her half of the apt and remove her, and a little then some.. Of course she didn't let a day slip by without reminding me of the breakup. But I was able to buy a new car within that time. It was part of a 5 year plan I had set before the breakup, and I was set back only 1 year... Well, since the breakup anniversary she's been going all in with texting me, inviting me to snapchat, etc.. She's already given me an episode of crying through text, about how she screwed up and the latter.. She had a 2012 truck, and talked as much **** as she could about my '95 coupe.. Now I'm riding in a 2014 on my own, and she had to trade in for a much older vehicle, old enough she's too ashamed to disclose the year (its just a car, jeez!)

    I'll admit it still a bit overwhelming, yet wierd that the shoes on the 'other foot' now, all by a matter of acceptance, honesty and closure..

    She found out I was in her area at one point and was upset I didn't reach out to her (as if I'm supposed to know she "wants to see me".. ?)..

    I feel like continuing as I've been doing.. It's not like I came to her town to see HER, it was anyone/everyone else that I was concerned with..

    What I do know is out-of-sight = out-of-mind and ignorance is bliss..

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    Will be posting updates soon.. I should turn this into a screenplay

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    It'll be rare for me to be able to cross paths with her now that we're separated by 300 miles, and technically broken up. So I fear that she's simply moving on instead of considering what she has as a rebound. But she could also be using this rebound as a way to rehearse herself back into the real dating game and meet someone else completely different than me or Mr. Rebound. Either way, I'm not in the picture. That, I can't handle.So I've begun writing a farewell letter and kind of detoxed myself from the relationship, preparing myself for the possibility that she may never come back. 4 pages turned to 8.. I'm still rewriting and rewriting.. I wanted to leave it at her door when I'm in Albany this weekend, but I think driving to her place may be create issues for me regardless of whether or not she'll be there (she's on her way to Michigan now).. Like, if she is there then she lied to me to get out of meeting with me. If she isn't, I'll feel weird going by her place when she's not there, like some stalker dude.. If someone else is there I don't want them reading my letter, or just throwing it out because they think "that's best for her" or something.. I'm exploring the option of emailing it, or mailing it..If I can't have her in my life the way I wanted her, then I can't have her in my life at all. It's too toxic for me.

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    I want her to quit this pouting over the nonsense we BOTH created for this relationship, look past it just as I am doing, and try again-- at a slower pace. It's not like we can undo the 300 miles we've created for ourselves right now, I'd like to start where we are, use what we have and do what we can. Her sister is in a similar position, having moved 300 miles from her own boyfriend-- been together the same amount of time, and fought just as much as we did, BUT they're still together, still trying to make it work.She's in rebound phase and I have to respect that. But during this time, I don't know what her intentions are: to let off some physical steam before she gets back to me, or to forget me entirely and start anew.. I'm currently left with "...", waiting for a response that she won't readily give, or give at all. Right now I'm accepting the situation for what it is, and am taking the steps to bring myself to rebound phase as well, moving out of the attachment. I have to draw the line between determination and desperation and I don't want to look pathetic in her eyes. What's to be truly mine will be, and what isn't -- no matter how hard I try, never will. Only to some degree can I affect change, and a fraction of that degree is in the direction I hoped, the rest is in the direction of circumstance, and all of it is coincidence. If I continue to look at this with hope and wishful thinking, I could be reeling for huge disappointment. However, if I look at it with the worst assumption, the result won't be as disappointing if I'm right, and will be a great surprise if I'm wrong..

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    I don't want to move on, and I don't want to think that.

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    She's a fine artist. Art jobs came few and far between, which is why we relocated to DE for a job with better pay. But she ended up not getting the health benefits and then the bills went up and we were pretty much back at square one - why we left NY in the first place. Well she was breaking down and I snapped in the middle of it.. I lashed out instead of be there and listen to her. I broke down mentally immediately after she did, I guess it wisened her up. Now, I never thought of cheating on her. Do girls consider their ex's rebounding a cheat?She's already moved back to NY and settled in, and just now a job opening came up in PA which she's going to pass up since she just left. I should've swallowed my pride before she left..

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    Okay,So I told her this morning that re-initiating this contact is messing with my head.. and that I need more time and space otherwise my self-progress could stop out of desperation (not word for word), and cancelled our meet-up..I figured I'd let myself to assume the worse with my suspicions of her rebounding, and do it myself. I don't want to do it, really, but then again.. kids don't wanna eat their veggies..I just don't like how freedom of choice, and the reactions it brings, can so easily affect the outcome of me having her back, her choices and my own..

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    The love of my life has left me. We've been together for 4 years up until now. She broke up and left the state. We're from NY. We left everything/everyone we know and moved to Delaware from NY for career opportunities and personal growth. She landed a job in Maryland and I moved with her to support her career, and grabbed me a job of equal distance in the opposite direction (Pennsylvania). We meet in DE. The transition (life-style) has been a bit rough, we've been into 2 vehicle accidents in 1 year so far since we've been down here. Since the accidents our sexual activity withered to dust (partially due to injury)..Right before Valentines we had a huge fight at our no-communication since the accidents. I was hostile and self-destructive, but I never put my hands on her and tried not to be any verbally abusive to her during our argument. But we seemed to have had an ok time on Valentine's so I thought it was behind us but she's been holding on to that fight and our frustrations from the accident ever since.From poor work conditions and pay from the job she moved for, she told me she wanted to move out back to NY by August.. Now we signed a lease until next April.. I felt as though she also wanted space between us, mainly out of the fact that she hasn't opened up to me since the car accidents.. And out of anger and frustration (like the man I am), I made the mistake of telling her that I wanted to break up with her, that I am breaking up with her. I said it because I don't know what to do anymore, I can't get her to open up and tell me the things that are wrong: with me, with her, with us. She moved out at the beginning of August. I took on the payments of this apartment voluntarily.. As of the 19th, we initiated 3 wks no contact. She JUST broke the seal, and told me she missed talking to me. I, like a poor sap, started flooding her with the 3wks of catchup, activities that keep me busy (from thinking about her). But now that she's with all her friends, I'm sure they'll support any choices she proposes to them that she makes (like a REBOUND).. I feel as though she could be initiating a rebound now, but at the same time she's told some of my friends how bad she feels about everything, and she's told me she wants to see me when I come up to NY in two weeks.. I myself haven't entertained the idea of rebounding because I'm wondering if we still have a chance. I'm not into the idea of 'spoiling' myself out of desperation; I feel she would be repulsed if I slept around just to get over her. I think I would be too, if I found out she's doing that. I don't think I can handle the idea of someone else in my place, making her happy as I once did-- after she stopped letting me make her happy. Now, I'm trying not to flood her with all this communication since we're meeting up in 2 weeks, I want to make sure that we have stuff to talk about, besides and where went wrong. But I can't get the idea out of my head that she's playing the field again. We do have a shared circle of friends so the ones that are cool with me do tell me she's scoring a couple of phone numbers, meeting new people, etc.. She hasn't been there in 4 years and she's mentioned that she hasn't been single in so long so she forgot what it's like and that at some point she might try men completely different than me, from looks to size to persona. What do I do?

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  • I
    ibezchillin

    i've been with my gf going on 3 yrs, we both seem to be old fashioned.. yesterday she admitted to me that she doesn't really care about sex.. i admitted that i agreed.. we do it maybe 5x a month.. but of course with me saying it, i can see a loss of confidence on her face and im concerned (shouldnta opened my big mouth!)my problem is that i get bored in the monotony of things.. i've had my share of partners before I committed to her, but even then its been the same - sex is no surprise, its in and out, grab this, grab that, grapple here and there.. but of course looking down the road... 80yrs married to m'lady, its obv going to be the same thing (like eating rice for dinner every day).. even after the roleplaying and the dressup foreplay its still the same thing..we're not the cheating types, but this particular acknnowledgement has put us in a state of awkwardness and doubt.. what can we do or focus on to keep our interests fresh? how does one NOT get tired of sex and intimacy?

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