I dunno what to call this fetish, gender-bend is not entirely accurate, I guess gender-swap is good enough for it.
Ever since I was a kid, I remember getting erections from watching TV shows and movies with male-to-female body swapping scenarios. And to this day, nothing triggers my sex drive like the thought of being in a chick's body, feeling the weight of breasts on my chest, the altered way of thinking due to estrogen production in the brain, along with the incomprehensible notion of having a vagina.
I don't think the term "crossdressing" is accurate for this fetish, because it isn't the feminine clothes that turn me on, but rather, assuming the nuances of the female body. I often jerk it while a tight shirt over a bra stuffed with water balloons. I don't even need pictures to fully stimulate me. Only thinking of the particular female in mind.. being her, with the sufficient imagination to fuel the fantasy and changing process is all that's necessary, and is what fulfills me.
I'm 100% sure on the fact this isn't an issue of gender identity. I really don't identify with the opposite sex, have no desire for men, hate shopping for clothes, composer/lead guitar for a prog metal band, majority of friends are male, and despise cheesy, generic mainstream pop/rock music. As far as I know though, I have no desire for sex. The thought of being a sexy chick with all of my personality and male traits intact is purely the philosophy of this fetish.
I occasionally think of what would happen when/if total gender/DNA/chromosome re-assignment became possible. I never once considered our current technology for this, mainly because its laughably incomplete, permanent, doesn't change brain chemistry, and when you look in the mirror, you can see what used to be you, and its rather obvious as well. It'd have to be a complete erasure of my outer-shell, but it appears the sexual animal in me is the only part of me who wants this, funnily enough, permanently as well. Once the fetish delusions are flushed away after orgasm, I feel satisfied enough with my own body, and wouldn't want to be stuck as a female after all.
Its just strange. I don't know many fetishes where you fantasize of becoming the fetish. Interestingly, I feel it would have dire consequences were it to be physically achieved. I'm sure if such technology were developed, I would be helpless to resist the urge to fully utilize it for myself.
If the change was indeed permanent, I wonder how I would react to the perpetual attainment of my fetish... a fulfillment with no end in sight. For a sexual, it'd be like constantly screwing a chick, but it'd all be in your head, though telling the difference would be impossible. Rationally speaking, I'd prefer to be a woman for a day, maybe a few. Though conjecture, I postulate that a permanent change would very likely drive me into insanity, my mind would fall apart from this frightening anomaly of desire gratifcation. As the primal, subconscious urge for procreation never ceases, I would always want to go back into the body of a female. Thus, mental instability would become my new destiny.
I don't think any TL;DR besides "wanna be a chick" can sum this up, it won't hurt to read a little bit. I didn't think there would be this much to say, though it feels great to finally get it off my chest a little bit. Just a normal fetish statement wouldn't portray everything I have to say about it. Are there any groups/websites to be found with people sharing this fetish?