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    Lonelyguy

    Hey, I feel for you bro. If it makes you feel any better I am in a very similar situation as you except a bit worse, which is arguable...you decide. I'm in my late twenties (turning 28 this summer) and still don't have a career. I have exhausted two careers over the past 7 years and still haven't amounted to anything. I also haven't had stable employment for close to a decade of my working life now. I'm a decade out of high school and still have nothing to show for it. I still live at home, still single (I still can't even get a date). As a result of all of the bullshit in my life that I have went through for the past 7 years or so has caused me severe health problems. I suffer from major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder with severe anxiety on a daily basis, panic disorder, as well as insomnia. I developed a sleep disorder as a result of my last job which was extremely traumatic, still traumatized from it and it was straight 12-hour night shifts. I had to take an indefinite leave of absence because of how it was affecting my health, then later was forced to resign from my position and haven't been employed since. I'm almost 28 years old and now I'm currently unable to work due to all the health complications that I have to deal with on a daily basis as a result of the circumstances in my life, which results in me relying on social assistance to get by. Hell, I'm still paying on student loans from a decade ago! It hasn't went down a cent even after paying on it this long. I envy you in a way because you're relatively young and can still continue your education. I actually went back to school for my second career in my mid twenties (I was 24 when I originally went back, was 25 in my second and final year of my program and graduated at age 26) It's been 2 years since I've graduated my from my second and current career and still haven't been able to get a job other than the one that wasn't really in my field and has caused me a great deal of health problems. I can't even get a friggin' interview! I have exhausted two careers as I've already mentioned, am nearing 30 and am a bit too old to go back to school, no offence. Even then I couldn't go back if I wanted to because of my health problems and financial reasons. I'm basically fucked in my life! Talk about a failure to launch and not amounting to anything. Hang in there dude, there's still hope for you. I'm sure you'll end up amounting to something at least by the time you're my age. All the best to you man. Peace!

    posted in Depression read more
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    Lonelyguy

    Hey everyone, I've posted under the depression forum for a different topic but it relates to my possible addiction. A long story short, I'm a man in my late twenties, who's a decade out of high school, has exhausted two careers over the past 7 or 8 years and is unemployed, financially struggling, living back at home, still single with little relationship experience, and overall still haven't amounted to anything in life or have anything to show for. I have Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder with moderate to severe anxiety, Panic Disorder as well as Insomnia. I take medications to help treat these disorders. On a daily basis, I take 1mg of Clonazepam (for anxiety), 300mg of Moclobemide (for stabilizing my mood), and 100mg Quetiapine/Seroquel (for depression & insomnia). Lately things have been pretty rough for myself, my whole given situation, lack of social support, as well as problems with family dynamics (family members ridiculing & harassing me for the situation that I'm in as well as these people are still trying to control my life because I still live at home). They treat me like I'm still a teenager even though I'm a grown man in my late twenties. This whole situation that has got progressively worse has really escalated even more, which I feel I'm at the end of my rope sort of speak and has led me to really require something to help me numb my pain. I don't abuse alcohol by any means but drink within moderate consumption. However, I've already finished off all my beer, liquor, vodka and any other alcohol I had left. I occasionally smoke Marijuana, not often at all (about once every 3-6 months). I'm down to my last joint, after that I won't have anything left. I can't buy anymore booze or weed due to my financial situation. I have a limited income from public assistance, which I've really been trying to obtain employment in the process without any luck as I've already mentioned earlier. I'm still paying on my student loans from a decade ago, even though a decade later (today) has still got me nowhere in life and is a major contributing factor to my problems. I take 4 tablets, which total up to (100mg) of Quetiapine/Seroquel (for depression & insomnia). Lately, I've been very anxious, restless, extremely irritable and can't sleep at night anymore, considering I'm still taking my medications to help. Possibly, my body is immune to taking the medication because I've taken it for about six months or so that it doesn't help much anymore. I have nothing else to help me other than to take 5 or 6 tablets, which total up to (125-150mg) of Quetiapine/Seroquel to help numb my pain and help me sleep. I just hope this is enough tablets to take to help with numbing my pain as I don't want to, and really shouldn't be taking any more than that. I'm just worried this will lead to an addiction in my case as I have nothing else to help me. I'm just worried that my body will become immune to that dosage and my body will go into withdrawal and will lead me to taking 7, 8, 9, 10, and possibly more until it seems to help. I really don't want to overdose on this medication and have additional health problems, hurt or kill myself in the process But that my be possible because my body needs something to numb me through this horrible ordeal I'm going through each and everyday in my life, that I've been going through for a couple years now Does this sound like an addiction? What can I do? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Thanks in advance.

    posted in Addictions read more
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    Lonelyguy

    I'm starting to think that I should have given this thread a better & more hopeful title. The fact is yes…things can and have got much worse for myself. Since the last post which was way back last summer, I kept thinking things have got to turn around for the better...they just have to. Well, I was wrong again. I have still been struggling to find employment...mainly in my area of expertise (social service work) but have been unsuccessful in my on-going efforts. My former employer who I was still on a sick leave with due to my physicians advise started hassling me to either go back to work on nights, which I couldn't as a result of several complicated issues (severe stress & anxiety, along with sleep & digestive as well as psychological problems) I could not. They made it quite clear to me that because I have been on an LOA as a result of my on-going health issues for such a long duration of time that I either go back or I must resign from my position. I couldn't go back to work but at the same time I didn't want to resign either. I just wanted to get well and hopefully either go back on days shifts only or find a new job in a new location and start a new life (which was obviously my first choice). Well, I had no other choice but to resign from my position last September but kept thinking that maybe things will work out for me...perhaps a really good job might come my way. I was wrong again, unfortunately. I had an interview as a child & youth worker in a new location...I was so excited & grateful at the same time. A long story short...this company really liked what I had to offer and was hired but denied employment because of medical issue that I have...they said I was not able to start this position for that reason. So basically, they discriminated against me, violated my human rights and denied me employment, which I am still in the process of taking them to a tribunal hearing to resolve this wrongful act on their behalf. They refused to issue me my NVCI training certification that was rightfully earned at my own expense, which was located at their facility in the process of being hired because I was technically no longer an employee with their organization, which was clearly no fault of my own and rather their corrupt actions that cost me my job. I was a complete mess during this time. I had a mental meltdown during that time and really haven't felt the same since. I kept thinking something just has to come up for me anytime now...a job will come through for me. It has now been six months since that time and in that time leading to now I have been having moderate to severe stomach/digestion problems that are mainly in the lower mid section of the stomach and rise up to the mid chest along with bad heartburn/chest pain. I have had these problems for the last couple years due to stress. I have been to emerg on numerous occasions and have been given a shot to help with the pain but never to this severity & frequency. The other issue I have been having which go along with my stomach pain is several episodes of diarrhea on a regular basis...sometimes it comes out like water or a very soft like consistency. I was up at emerg a few weeks back because of severe...and I mean severe...like ten out of ten on a pain scale. They had me hooked up to an iv, which I received several doses of morphine & gravel and was in their for a couple nights. I have had so many tests done...x-rays, ultrasounds, upper gi, urine & stool samples, and more blood work than you can shake a stick at…thankfully everything came back negative. I have eliminated dairy and other foods from my diet as a way to see if I'm possibly allergic to certain foods. It's been several weeks now and still haven't noticed any difference yet. I do have a colonoscopy scheduled for next week to hopefully rule out any possible complications like IBS, Crohn's Disease, Gastritis, etc. I am almost certain whatever I have (hopefully nothing severe) is more than likely due to long duration of on-going stress to my body. It has not only taken a toll on me psychologically & emotionally but also physically. I have tried to be strong for way too long...literally and I mean literally I have been through a good two consecutive years of severe & on-going stress. I guess I'll try to walk you through a typical day of my life...unless I have an appointment with my doctor, psychiatrist, or counsellor. I usually don't sleep much at night because I suffer from insomnia and take medication to help me sleep...sometimes the meds work, other times they don't. I usually don't fall asleep till around 3:00 to 6:00 in the morning...it varies. I either have broken sleep which I'm up in the middle of the night and can not go back to sleep or I finally pass out because of the medication & mental exhaustion. If I can get some sleep, I usually don't wake up till late morning or early afternoon because my whole time clock is out of whack. I usually wake up due to these stomach pains and more often than not have diarrhea first thing when I finally wake up. After that I take my meds for (depression & anxiety) then try to eat something that I can hopefully digest properly...usually a piece or two of dry toast (no butter) with some juice or a cup of tea (no milk). I always take the maximum dose of Gaviscon to help coat my stomach. I always feel as though I'm going to bring up whatever I eat...I have a lot of gas and burp up everything I consume. After my breakfast/lunch, I usually feel sick to my stomach like I'm going to vomit as well as these pains in my stomach & chest flare up, which I have no other choice but to lie down. I feel mentally & physically drained along with this pain and usually lie down just long enough for the pain to subside, which varies from day-to-day. After the pain subsides, I take over-the-counter pain medication to help get rid of the pain. I usually feel very sluggish & depressed but try so hard to look for a job and send out resumes. I really put a great effort into finding a job even though that's not the easiest thing with my energy level being so low, my stomach pain, as well as the fact that nobody seems to give me an opportunity for even an interview considering how hard I try. I have not had an interview in six months (the last place was the place that discriminated and denied me employment). After I complete my job search/sending out resume and following up with places (which usually tell me the same thing...we'll contact you if you're successfully selected)...I still haven't got a call from any place. I then get so frustrated & angry, that I either vent to the crisis hotline or my mother who I live with. It's not easy and I don't mean to vent all my problems to her or anyone else. Besides my mother and the crisis hotlines, I have absolutely nobody else. I have no significant other, no friends at all, or any other family member. They are completely non-empathetic/supportive, especially my brother & sister. They are both married, have their own families and actually do the exact opposite of being helpful & supportive...they actually hassle me about the fact that I’m still living at home in my late twenties and that I still don't have a job. That's the last thing I need is to be reminded of these things. I also struggle financially and am currently on public assistance, which I am not proud of at all and is a very limited amount. I always have to go into my savings to pay my monthly expenses, which is running short now but have recently applied for disability based on my current circumstance. I feel absolutely horrible about having to resort to this Sorry to get off track but after I vent to either my mom and/or the crisis hotline I usually get a pain flare up in the process, sometimes it burns or seems like a very sharp but contracting type of pain that I usually have to go to my bedroom and sit or lie on my bed till I feel a bit better both physically & emotionally. I then usually end up having diarrhea afterwards. I also forgot to mention that I usually have a fair bit of blood & pain in my rectum as I am wiping myself. It almost seems like hemorrhoids but I'll find that out next week. After that I usually have my evening meds and dinner which has been consisting of only soup & dry toast, which is the easiest on my stomach right now. After I eat, I always feel like vomiting and have lots of gas followed by these pain flare-ups in my stomach & burning in my chest. I then sit or lie down till the pain subsides until I'm ready to go to bed thinking...well another day come and gone and here I am. At the end of the day I feel completely worthless & hopeless about my future because here I am a grown man...27-years-old (turning 28 this summer)...a decade out of high school...two years out of my training for my second and current career attempt and still have no job with all my effort put into finding one and still haven't amounted to anything in life. I thought I would have been successful in my life by now and perhaps in a loving relationship with a woman, perhaps even engaged or married and I can't even get a date. I've tried online dating for the past few years with not too much luck at all. Even then, if someone really was interested in me, how could I date right now with my health problems. Even if or when the problems can be resolved...how many women would want to even date a man in his late twenties with no job and still lives at home with his mother? This whole employment issue has literally caused me a good two solid years of grief in my life, which in turn has held me back in life from where I should and would like to be as well as caused me additional health problems. These thoughts always race through my mind throughout the whole day but especially at night and can't seem to control them. I think anybody else in the same or similar position as I would be exactly the same way. I've tried to remain positive as much as I possibly can but how can anyone remain positive any longer and not think negative at this point, taking into consideration all the problems that exist? I'm really not asking for much...why can't someone just give me an opportunity? That's all I need to get out of this horrible, life threatening rut I always heard of rock bottom and never thought I would be on the bottom of the rock Everyday seems like a dream to me, not real at all...I'm going through all the motions...living my productive-less life with on-going health issues...and typing this post right now while feeling so hopeless to the point of thinking how much more can I take? What is the point of existing when my existence is a complete disappointment & disgrace in my view...and when I feel absolutely numb everyday and basically dead inside? How much more would anyone be able to go on like this?

    posted in Depression read more
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    Lonelyguy

    Hey, thanks for the replies. I've definitely considered moving out on my own for a while now. The thing is there really are no decent places to rent in this town. It's a small retirement community, about three quarters of the towns population are over the age of 65. The only places to rent are above old buildings downtown that are poorly renovated and are basically dives. They charge way too much for these types of apartments and would be very depressing to live there anyway. I've recently looked into see if there are any vacant apartments but unfortunately there are none :frowning: The other dilemma I'm in which I might not have mentioned in the original post is that I'm currently on a leave of absence due to severe depression & anxiety/other help problems I've been experiencing mainly due to my current living situation as well as my job. I've been seeking a suitable job in my field for months now and STILL haven't found anything. This is the main cause of my depression & anxiety which is a whole other story. Basically I feel trapped until I find a suitable job to make it on my own, otherwise I'll be stuck like this for long, long time :frowning: I'm going to try to take up a leisure activity to meet new people and perhaps even make some friends, maybe even a girlfriend :smile: The problem is my anxiety has gotten so bad I have to gasp for my breath every few minutes or so and my hands have been trembling for a while and get really nervous all the time. It's so difficult to go through all of this. Right now, I have been living back at home for over a year now, feeling alone & isolated, and do not have even one friend I can call up to go out for even a cup of coffee with. Everyone I try to get in contact with seem to have their own lives, either living really far away, busy with their significant others, their husbands & wives as well as their kids. It seems like everybody I know has settled down and are living normal adult lives except for me. In regards to dating, I always try to let girls know I'm interested but they still feel that we're nothing more than friends. I've even dated a girl (not for long) who soon after going out wasn't attracted to me anymore and only seen me as a "friend". She said I'm a "nice guy" but do not seem to challenge or excite her. I mean I shouldn't have to change who I am just to get others approval. I just feel so unbelievably worthless, inadequate & pathetic as a person and see myself as a complete failure at everything. I mean, I'm 27, STILL don't know where the hell my career or life is headed, STILL struggling to even get a date and STILL live at home :frowning: I seen my family doctor about a month ago and told him I needed a referral to speak with a counsellor & psychiatrist right away. He said he was going to send it out immediately as he knows this is an urgent matter. A month has passed by and STILL don't have a referral and really need to speak with someone ASAP. I wish our healthcare system was a lot better when it comes to someone's mental health. It's such a struggle for me everyday now, even just to get out of bed most days :frowning:

    posted in Relationships read more
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    Lonelyguy

    Hey everyone, I know I posted under the depression forum about this but I thought I should speak about this issue in greater detail. I'm 27 years old, single, and have not had much relationship experience. A long story short, I've wanted to date since I was in high school and was rejected & ridiculed by several girls over the years. I didn't have my first kiss till I was 24, didn't date, hold hands or cuddle with a girl till I was 25 and didn't lose my virginity till 26. I know I'm a "late bloomer", that goes without a doubt of saying. I've only dated two girls in my life, the first lasting only about a month and the second being barely two months. I'm not a bad looking guy by any means, have been told I'm attractive but the thing is I look quite a bit younger than my age. I get mistaken for being anywhere from about 16 to 20 or so. I'm tall (6'2") but have a fairly thin built, I only weigh about (145 lbs). I suffer from depression & anxiety and have digestive problems; everything I eat goes right through me. Perhaps that's why I can't gain much weight. I'm a very friendly guy, often get referred to as "the nice guy" by a lot of girls. I enjoy several indoor & outdoor activities as most people do and have tried online dating for three years now but still have not had much luck with that. Also, another thing I should add is that uhh...I STILL live at home. This is one of the reasons that is contributing to my severe depression & anxiety. I mean...how does a 27-year-old man date when he STILL lives at home? This really affects my confidence greatly but am trying my best to get the hell out. I'm only living at home due to financial reasons and because my current job is near my home town. As soon as I find a decent job in my field in another town...then I'll finally be able to move out! First of all: Would any woman ever consider dating a man in his late twenties who STILL lives at home? Would it raise some red flags? By the way, I have lived on my own before...three times to be exact but had to move home a year ago due to financial/employment reasons and have been here ever since. This whole situation really gets to me being that most of my peers, family members, you name it are settling down, getting married, having kids, in a long-term relationship or at the very least dating someone. I mean is it too much to ask for to be 27 years old and I just want to be able to take a girl out on a date? There are several people over a decade younger than me who are dating. I feel so pathetic and so far behind where I should be in life. How does someone on their late twenties date now a days? How can I get the opportunity to even take a girl out on a date? I'm not desperate by any means, I'm looking for the right girl, I just want to have the opportunity to date, get to know someone and perhaps be together long-term. Someone please tell me how I can get the hell out of this rut and back into the game! I mean another Christmas & New Years alone and STILL living at home??? I'm going CRAZY!!! Any suggestions would be most helpful. Thanks a lot!

    posted in Relationships read more
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    Lonelyguy

    Thanks for the reply. I'm actually from Canada. My depression has gotten so bad that I had to take a medical leave from work that my doctor requested months ago due to how bad my physical & mental health has gotten. I have been off work for about four months now and have been desperately looking for a full-time job on days more geared towards my field. I get so depressed because being this is my second career that I've tried to pursue and have been out of my training for almost a year and a half and am still unable to find a full-time day job in my field. Most of the people I went to college with and graduated with have all got great jobs in social work. Some people are working as student advisors and employment facilitators because they happened to know someone, at least enough to get their foot in the door. I know of students that took the same course as me but graduated a year after I did, which most of them have great jobs in this field. It's not like I'm sitting back, I'm being very proactive in my job search especially being on a sick leave. I have enhanced my resume and have had it professionally checked by a good few people, have enhanced my portfolio, professional business cards and am always pounding the pavement making calls, sending out resumes and still haven't had any luck. How is anyone supposed to prove themselves if they aren't even given a chance to have even one friggin' interview??? I still have sleep disturbances and have noticed myself getting very short with others. I am more blunt now...say things just the way they are and get very angry & irritable very easily. I am now 27 years old! STILL live at home, struggling to move forward in my career, have virtually no friends/social life at all and haven't been able to get a date in over a year. I've tried online dating, have been stood up/made an ass out of...I just haven't had too much luck with that. I've tried putting myself out there more but have been rejected countless times and haven't had an opportunity to even go on one date. Most of my peers that are my age or younger are either married, have kids, engaged, living with someone or in a long term relationship. I mean is it too much to ask for to just want to be able to have the opportunity to date at the age of 27??? I mean I'm in my late twenties and still struggling to even have girls become attracted to me or want to get to know me. I feel absolutely pathetic, have been thinking to myself why am I even living when I feel absolutely dead inside?. I'm not suicidal and have never and would never harm myself. But if I could make all the pain go away somehow I would. I always get ridiculed by others even by my own family members. People make fun of the fact that I'm so skinny, pale looking, still can't grow decent facial hair and get told I look 16 all the time. People always refer to me as a boy, kid, teenager, etc. Getting called all that at 19, I can maybe understand but being a 27-year-old man and getting called all that, and being constantly carded by everyone and made a big issue about the fact that I still look like a kid/teenager can be pretty damn hurtful! I'll admit I'm thin and STILL haven't really grown into a man's body. I figure now being in my late twenties and that I still look this way...it's really never going to change much even in a few years when I'm 30 I try to eat more even though I have a decreased appetite due to my depression & anxiety. I still can't put on much weight due to my metabolism. Everything I eat goes right through me because of my nerves. It's almost impossible to gain any weight. I only weigh 146 pounds with shoes on and roughly 143 without. I used to weigh 155 or so but have recently lost weight due to my life situation/mental illness. I don't think I can handle another year living at home, still struggling with my career and lacking dating experience...I feel so worthless & pathetic. I really see myself as a complete & utter failure in life! I'm absolutely losing my mind and don't know how much more shit I can take. I feel like I've been cursed in life and am being punished somehow. I may still be living but feel absolutely dead inside

    posted in Depression read more
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    Lonelyguy

    Dude, if it makes you feel any better I was in the exact same position as you when I was 21. I never went to prom because I couldn't get a date. I've been told I'm pretty attractive but the problem is I look close to a decade younger than I actually am. Lets face it most women want a guy that looks like a man who's all grown up, not someone who resembles a teenager. I'm also a "late bloomer", later than you without a doubt. I didn't make out with a girl till I was 24, didn't hold hands or cuddle with a girl till I was 25, and didn't lose my virginity till I was 26. I am soon to be 27 and while a good majority of my friends, peers are either married and/or have kids or at least are in a long term relationship and own their own home. Meanwhile I'm almost 27, have only dated 2 girls in my life (the longest relationship being only 2 months), barely lost my virginity, have no girlfriend, feel constantly lonely and still live at home due to financial reasons while suffering from major depression and severe anxiety & panic attacks. Yeah, it could be worse man, hang in there bro. You're lucky you're still relatively young and have lots of opportunities still to come your way.

    posted in Relationships read more
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    Lonelyguy

    Hey, I'll be honest but I'll just say I'm an extremely "late bloomer" except for my first kiss or peck on the lips.

    Kiss: 6
    French Kiss/Makeout: 24
    Gave Fingering/HJ: 26
    Recieved Fingering/HJ: 26 (Only as part of foreplay)
    Gave Oral: N/A
    Recieved Oral: 26 (Only as part of foreplay)
    Sex: 26

    posted in Sexuality read more
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    Lonelyguy

    Thanks for the replies everyone! I really appreciate it. I know it's been a while since I've posted here but I thought I’d give everyone an update. My cat did in fact pass away. She passed away a day before New Year's Eve. I had come home from working a 12-hour night shift to find my cat had passed away that night. This happened much quicker than I thought it would and felt absolutely devastated about this. In between grieving for her and having to properly bury her I had to work 84 hours that week, 7 straight nights of working 12 hours. I felt absolutely burned out! I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. In between speaking with someone at the 24-hour crisis hotline on my night shift which was absolutely no help to me at all, I had seen my family physician about my serious anxiety & depression as well as my recent difficulty breathing & panic attacks. He recommended me to take a 2 week leave of absence which would benefit my health. I took 2 weeks off which helped but couldn't really afford to take any more time off and was shortly back to work. Right now I am the most depressed I've ever been in my whole life, I feel as if I have absolutely nothing going for me, nothing to look forward to. I'm STILL living at home, STILL don't have a girlfriend/significant other, meanwhile almost all my peers are either engaged now, married, or at least in a long-term relationship, meanwhile I can't even get a date for the night. I am so lonely and feel so isolated. I have absolutely no friends at all and struggle making new ones. I literally haven't had a date in over 6 months and haven't gone out with anyone to a bar, party or anything in over a year (about 14 months now). My job has really been affecting my physical & mental health. Like I mentioned before I work 12-hour night shifts alone in a group home with a few clients with different intellectual/mental health disabilities (i.e. Autism, Bipolar,) which can be extremely stressful on a regular basis. My whole sleeping & eating patterns are so screwed up. I find myself wired till noon then want to pass out from a lack of sleep from about 2 till 6 or so. On a day off I usually can’t fall asleep till about 6 or 7 in the morning even with my prescription meds then don't wake up till sometime in the afternoon. I usually average about 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night then on a day or two off I usually want to sleep the whole day or two then get depressed about not going out anywhere because I am so physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I feel as though I worked too damn hard to get where I am today to be in this position. Now I am going on 27, STILL living at home, STILL single, have virtually no friends, no social life, no self-esteem, and am having to take several prescription meds for my anxiety & depression/breathing problems & panic attacks which helps a bit but makes me more tired than usual. It's not like I'm not trying to get out of this big black hole feeling of emptiness. I'm on dating sites, trying to put myself out there even though I'm very depressed and have low self esteem because of the fact I'm a grown man (26 almost 27 years old) and still look like I'm 18. Nobody takes me seriously and do not get respected as being an adult in his mid-late twenties. On my time off from work I'm always looking for other work so I can get out of this rut yet nobody gives me the damn opportunity to prove myself. I feel like the more I try the more I fail. I feel completely hopeless still and just want things to change so I can finally get out of this rut, and escape this battle with anxiety & depression so I can live a normal, healthy, and fully functional life. I wish someone could help me but how is the question? I feel doomed! I feel as though I’m close to a nervous breakdown, I’ve been too strong for too long now and don’t know how much more I can take.

    posted in Depression read more
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    Lonelyguy

    I'm new to this online forum. I have so much crap going on and don't know where to begin. Let me start off by introducing myself...I'm 26 years old, and have struggled living with anxiety & depression for about 5 years now. I've seen my family physician several times over those years and am currently on medication to help with my anxiety & depression, which I really don't notice it helping much. I'm currently stuck living back at home and I have no girlfriend and have never really had one. Nobody has ever taken much interest in me; I never went to prom and didn't start dating till my mid 20's. This was not by choice but by circumstance. I didn't have my first kiss till I was 24, didn't hold hands or cuddle with a girl till I was 25 and have recently lost my virginity at age 26. I also have ED (Erectile Dysfunction), which really worries me. No matter how hard I try I can't maintain an erection without taking prescribed 50mg Viagra, even then I still struggle to maintain an erection at age 26. I've tried putting myself out there more, joined online dating sites and years later, I've still had no luck I'm definitely not an ugly looking guy. I do however look really young for my age and am often mistaken for 18 or younger. I am pretty thin, 6'2" and only weigh 145lbs and still can't grow any decent facial hair. I have absolutely no friends what so ever, I've never fit in anywhere. I thought when I went back to college in my mid 20's that I would come across more mature people who wouldn't judge me so much but I was wrong. People called me a loser, they said I have no style, and you're obviously a 25-year-old virgin which really hurt. A former friend of mine which I've known for over 21 years doesn't bother with me anymore since he found a girlfriend. It hurts a lot when my siblings, cousins, and 90% of people I know who have children, are married, engaged, or are in a serious relationship when they were my age or younger. Yet I'm not even desirable enough to even get a date for the night. I have no family support. My siblings and everyone else do not bother with me because they have their own families and own lives. My parents split up/divorced when I was 10, my mom still treats me like I'm 16. I don't have a father, just a donor, he doesn't give a shit about whether I live or die, he never bothers with me. I haven't seen him since my grandmothers (his mothers) funeral which was 6 or 7 years ago. I currently work 12 & 13 hours night shifts at a group home which is really not in my field of study. (I studied social work) I pretty much work alone at night with my clients then come home to get a few hours of sleep if I'm lucky because I also have insomnia. I don't have a normal social life as I've mentioned and have not went out to do anything fun for months now, (almost a year to be exact) My brother used to hang out with me and include me in stuff but hasn't bothered with me for a year even though I ask him, he just says he's too busy and just hangs out with his wife or few close friends instead. To top it all off, my only & best friend ever (my cat that I've had for 10 1/2 years has just started bleeding from her mouth and has been diagnosed with mouth cancer and only has about 6 months to live, which means I won't even have her anymore. I don't know what the hell to do? I feel like I’m cursed. I've tried talking to counsellors and other professionals as well as crisis/help lines but they have been absolutely no help to me and do not empathize or understand where I'm coming from and what I'm going through. The best way to describe what I’m going through is basically hell, turmoil, and pure cold & darkness with no light and nowhere/nobody to turn to. I'm so alone in life and feel really behind my age. I just want to be happy with my life while I see others my age and younger that are in happy, long-term relationships and have somebody to cuddle with; a shoulder to lean/cry on and I have nobody and am not getting any younger either. I really feel like an absolute failure in life and feel like life is passing me by. I don't know what I'll do when my cat passes away, I think I'll just end up losing it because then I'll have absolutely nobody except for other people saying I'm crazy. Where can I turn to because I've absolutely had it and totally give up???

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