Sometimes we say things that hurt ourselves and others that were not meant, so I leapt from my life's struggles and long running regret
I haven't really done anything particularly extreme per se, so I'm not sure if it still counts.
The thing is as well, I don't like going to my doctor for anything to do with my mental health issues. I have had some unpleasant experiences doing this - so this prevents me from going back to them about anything liek that. They don't like treating people in this area, it is all very hush hush. I would see a psychiatrist but the ones that I can see for free, I can't because I'm over the age threshold or not a priority. You have to be 19 or under. So that means paying out to see one which can be very expensive.
I don't qualify to be on the priority list to see a potential psychiatrist for free - because you have to be on the verge of killing yourself or already done something dangerous or life threatening. You see, here in the UK because most medical treatment are/can be free, there are waiting lists and you have to qualify to even be considered. For example, whne I was younger I had to wait 6 months last time for the free under 19 treatment, and that was when I was very suicidal.
My psychiatrist was the one diagnosed me with having depression and anxiety and he was the one who put me on medication, but we didn't fully explore other areas and I can't see him anymore due to the age thing. And so, to come off my anti-depressants without the support of my psychiatrist I had to goto my doctor (shock, horror), who seemed to be overly enthusiastic about getting me off the medication. I was just told how to wean off and given a guide for how much to go down each week slowly. That was the last time I spoke to my doctor about anything like that.
Hi thanks for your reply.
Hmmmm, the trouble with is, yes I do suffer the same symptoms that may be listed under bipolar, but how do I know for sure? I'm not sure my doctor can find a definite either.
My anti-depressants did work for a bit, then they just made me wreckless. I still had the highs and lows, but I didn't care.
Well, before I was on medication, for 2 years I was doing cognitive therapy. Then I was put on prozac, celexa, paxil and then zoloft. My doctor wouldn't prescribe me an anti-anxiety.
Basically, I am trying to go down the the road of 'alternative routes' because I really don't want to be on something similar to an anti-depressant. The anti-depressant just hid the problem from me, I wasn't actually dealing with it. I definitely won't do a form of cognitive therapy again, because I think my mind can take only so much of that before it goes into vicious circles. So I'm considering maybe hypnotherapy - I tried this before but the lady that did this seemed to focus on past-life regression which was all a bit 'too much' considering my state of mind. Plus I don't think she could properly get me hypnotised. So I am going to try again but with somebody who specifically specializes in treating depressed/anxious people, who can possibly reprogram me to think differently about things and get on in life.
For now, I'm just gonna have to suffer.
After what seems to be a very long 'vacation' (as I'd like to put it) I am finally back. For how long or for what regular purpose I am unsure of. All I know is, I have returned because I feel like I need some support - and what better place to ask?
So here I am, in need of some 'opinions' on the matters at hand.
First of all, the problem is I am off medication now completey (you may/not remember I was put on medication for anxiety and depression) and I am experiencing a severe downfall in my life. The main reason I would like to mention for coming off medication is because of the numbing down on my emotions it was doing. In order to treat the oversensitivty of my anxiety and depression it sarificed my other emotions - so I began to feel nothing. There was other problems with that too, like for example I started eating junk, not looking after myself and being withdrawn plus feeling tired all the time. My appearence started to suffer as did my social life. I just didn't care anymore. I switched to another form of anti-depressant and still had no change - even through several dosage changes. So I decided enough was enough and I wanted out. So I weaned off successfully but things started to get pretty bad as time went on more and more without the medication in my system.
The problem now, is that I am completely and utterly the same as I was before I was put on my medication. All the familiar feelings and thoughts are all back. I have panic attacks at night and throughout the day, I get obsessive intruding thoughts, I feel like I want to cry without ryhme or reason. Then I also get extreme highs where I am extremely happy. I just don't know how to deal with it all. I am keeping myself busy, exercising, eating a strict diet and trying to tackle the problems at hand, but I am not responding to any of it. It just is there, still persisting.
I don't really want to go on an anti-depressant again, but I certainly need to do something.
Hi, some of you may not know me and some of you may have forgotten me but I am a member who at one point used to post here often. I suffered from depression very badly and anxiety too and I was I will admit, very negative all the time. I had struggled with this for most of my life as some will know, and to get where I am now is not easy.
Basically, I would like to inform anyone who is suffering from a low point in their life, that things can improve. For me, it took a few years to discover what was right, to suit me and it may for you too, but when found life does change, for the best.
For a little snippet of what I suffered I will explain briefly:
I Suffered from anxiety all my life, struggling to mix with others and be who I am, constantly questioning every move and motive that I made. I became down and depressed at 16 when I gained a little time on my hands leaving school and thinking about why I was finding life hard. Life is hard, but knowing that you can't accept yourself as you are and be who you are is the worst part. I discovered that there something was wrong, why I couldn't pull my weight and show myself for who was, but rather keep myself quiet and shy and show little signs of emotion to not draw attention to myself (anxiety). I became depressed, lonely and scared of the world, feeling like I did not fit in or have a future. I decided enough was enough, and regardless what others thought I needed to pursue this problem and face it head on to defeat the cause.
After evaluating the struggle I had in my life, I went to my doctor with my parents, they evaluated my opinion on what I was unhappy with and what I struggled with and suggested I see a therapist. I thought at first, it was crazy, and only insane people needed therapists. But to be totally honest, a therapist can be just someone to speak to and a freidn, which was what I needed. They will help you, evaluate your problems and suggest solutions to suit you. I was sceptical at first, but over time it made sense. The mind is a complicated thing, but after discovering what prompts the mind to behave the way it does - it does all make sense.
I took 2yrs of therapy, congnitive behavioural therapy to fully understand why I was being the way I was. On it's own it provided me with tools and ways to approach situations in my life I found difficult, and I achived so much as starting college, getting good grades, a job and having a nice social life - which seemed unlikely and non-existant when I left school.
I wanted to improve further, and since there was only one possibility left to try, I tried medication. I was always sceptical of medication and I always (wrongly) assumed it was for weaker, undevoted people. But I proved myself wrong. I was to begin with prescribed prozac which was horrible for me. After 2 weeks trial I decided I was going to come off, until I realised that I should try another anti-depressant, citalopram (celexa). It did indeed control my anxiety completely, but after months of use, it seemed to not affect my depression which in itself was becoming worse. I did my own research and found that for people like me suffering from both anxiety and depression paxil (paroxetine) had the best results. I feared it at first, due to the unwelcome publicity of the drug. But I decided, if it suited me best, why not?
I started paxil (paroxetine) on my final year of college, and my god, the world turned around. It felt those horrible, dark rain clouds had finnaly dissapeared and the blue sky and sun was treating me. I never felt so good in my whole life, using the tools I had and the medication provided there was no stopping me. The world was my oyster, and there was room for me. I got myself a job straight away that I wanted, and I made some nice money. I successfully completed my college course gaining top marks and went soundly to university.
Although sone may find this unappealing or boring, but for those who are suffering from a significant degree of depression or whatever you struggle is, there is hope. I have proved that, I went from little to nothing - to something. It won't be easy, but learning to accept who you are and face your fear as part of the big step, is the most significant, life changing thing you can do to promote yourself on the road to success.
To some of you, you may think what I have done is not really a big deal, but listen, at one point I couldn't leave the house or make friends. Now I have a nice life, friends, family who understand me, a good job and nothing I regret. That is something, that to me, if you are struggling enough, anyone would want. To me, these things have made my life complete. I only hope that by reading this you can do the same for yourselves.
To understand yourself is the biggest acomplishment and to know who you are, and why you are the way you are.
Goodluck, and remember there is hope.
I hope that I can only give people reassurance that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
If you have any questions you can pm me.
Thought I'd let you know how I've been getting on. For starters, I stopped using celexa because my depression got worse again after trying every dose and it doing nothing, so had a bit of a down period. So I am now off that and on paxil, which to be totally honest is a "miracle drug" (for me anyway). All the social phobia and general anxiety I have has stopped completely - like feeling like I am being watched and worrying about unnecessary things. My mood has lifted completely too, it feels like that dark rain cloud that has been over me for so long has cleared and the beautiful blue sky can now be seen. I've never felt so well in my life. I am so happy and everything seems to be going great. I have got myself a good part time job now to accommodate myself through college, which involves dealing with customers, which I am not afraid of or nervous to do which is a big step.
For me this feels like this is it, I'm on the mend now for a better, brighter future. It seems now that all that hard work over the years combined with my medication has finally paid off.
Hi all, just thought I'd give another update regarding my progress.
Just to let you all know, I'm really happy at the moment! I'm doing really well, and I'm challenging myself to do a lot of things I wouldn't normally have the courage to do!
Although I'm still a bit of a loner, I guess I've come to understand that we are all are loners at some point in our life, and that it's sometimes okay - the need for people all the time doesn't become quite as much when you're less depressed. It's very much like, for the first time I've looked at myself and life and realised we're all sailing in the same boat - we all have our stormy events.
I find now that the depressive thoughts I used to get about my self-image and the way my life was heading are now non-existent. And instead of blaming my luck, and my so-called 'fate', I have learned to be in more control and take action when necessary rather than waiting for something to happen for me.
So I wish all the best for everyone!
Have a wonderful christmas! and a happy new year!
Hi, just wanted to let you all know I'm doing much better than I was. I still had some major ups and downs but I think I'm beginning to see my way out of it.
I'm a new anti-depressant, "Celexa" which has worked really well at reducing my anxiety. I can remember getting tremors and feeling sick often, but now it seems non-existent. I still feel a bit 'anxious' but I feel it's now getting at a more controllable level - making it easier to cope with.
My depression has been all over the place, I had a few weeks where I contemplated suicide, but I have moved on from that. I do still get down, but I still gotta give it more time and I'm due to increase my dose soon anyway.
I've had a few side-effects, nothing as bad as prozac though. I get really fatigued, and I yawn like crazy. I'm having a few problems with my throat as it so happens, it kinda bulges like a frog's throat does, a tiny bit when I swallow and speak. There's something definately going on with the back of my throat too but hopefully this will subside.
I wish all the best to everyone. I'll be back in a few months to confirm my next progress.