<span style="color: green">"Don't be a Dork! Wrap your Pork!" </span><br /><br />
Alright Scotty you told me to read and be honest, so remember that!
First off, you do not own her anything more then you are legally bond by, which is the $7000 (but if we want to be honest its truthfully only $3500 since you are only 50% responsible). I understand you emotionally feel you owe her more because you feel bad about the debt she incurred. But lets look back at what I said, debt SHE incurred and you knew nothing about. You said it yourself if she would have came to you while married you would have helped, but, like her affair, she kept it a secret and is now wanted you to pay for it. Sorry but in my book that is a no go, she made her bed now let her sleep in it. In my opinion, she's lucky you are willing to pay the full $7000. As hard as it might be and it might crush you, you need to simply lay down the law and say you will NOT pay any of the debt she secretly incurred.
As for her threatening to slander your name and pull you through the mud, let her know there are legal actions that can be made against slander, and if she wants to be that way you can easily counter how she is an adulteress. I understand you love her, trust me I get it, but you cannot let her push you around and guilt trip you into paying more then you deserve. You have to remember, regardless what you might be thinking, she did YOU wrong! You're a good guy with a genuine heart and SHE took advantage of that.
You made the comment how maybe if things remain amicable maybe she'll come back and you'll get back together. Scotty, you are too good for that and deserve better. Even if she wanted you back you should not want to take her back after she has shown her true colors. Trust is a valuable thing, something she squashed.
When it comes to the house and the content, it should all be sold; including the house. This would benefit you both. Granted who knows how much you might get, but by the sounds of it any money you both could get would be a true benefit. You worked just as hard as she did for the house and its contents, so she shouldn't get it all. Best advice I can give is to have an auction and sell it all and slit the money 50/50.
As for your job.... babe you gotta get out, or at very least you need to tell your boss your situation and why its important he reinstates your wage. Granted by the sounds of it he won't give a damn about your situation, but you own it to yourself to try. You might have to look at getting into a new field, but whatever it might be you need to better your situation; you need to regain a sense of a life.
When it comes down to it, you need to start looking out for yourself and screw everyone else. I know its not in your general nature because you are a sweet guy, but in times like this you need to stop worrying about others and how they view you, and look after yourself. You need to get over the idea that some how this is your fault; YOU DID NOT CAUSE HER TO CHEAT! She did that all on her own. She's an educated adult, she knew what she was doing was wrong and she did it anyways. Its okay to be hurt by what she did, but do not take ownership of what she did; she owns that! So start looking out for yourself!
Honestly I don't think you can go by how a person smells to determine their sexuality. I can tell you right now, the doctor I work for, uses baby lotion and he is without a doubt straight lol.
I think the real question is, why does it matter? Is his sexuality going to affect you being friends?
I could not have said it better then Scotty (OldFolks).
Quote:It seems as if gay people to me are no different than anyone else on this planet
You said it yourself, regardless of the community you belong people are going to judge you no matter what. What you need to find is part of the community you click with and ignore all the jerks who are simply so insecure about themselves they feel they have to bring other people down. Trust me not everyone is like that, actually the majority of people aren't.. it's just those that seem to act the worst always stick out more.
Plus as the others said, if you're gay your gay.. there is no changing that. There is no point in lying to yourself and making your life miserable. Don't judge this moment in your life on how you think your whole life is going to be. IT GETS BETTER!
As a fellow gay man, I understand what you are going through. I used to take it to heart when I heard other gay people call me ugly, or stupid.. or whatever ridiculous insult they wanted to spew. But I soon realized their opinions of me don't matter, it what I think about myself, and eventually what my partner feels about me. Once you ignore those types of people, it's easier to see the nice welcoming people that are going to accept you for who you are.
Good luck to ya buddy! Just be true to yourself and ignore those that wish to bring you down.
I’ll try and take this post from point to point to make it easier. I’ll try not to get to long winded but I cannot promise anything lolQuote:The next day I couldn't stop thinking about it, I read another story by the same guy and then it really began. I have so much emotion it hurts it feels like I have an empty hole in my chest, I want love so badly. I'm aware that I'm bi or gay or w/e I dunno I am attracted to guys and girls, but to be honest I feel like the attraction to girls is slipping, and I haven't even admitted that too myself until right now. It's also not just that I'm so messed up emotionally it's taking over my days, I am half way through my finals in first year uni and I can't even study cause the pain is so intense I just feel like crying and I JUST DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT I WANT! seriously it's so hard. I need to get passed this but it feels hopeless, like until I find someone I truly love it will never stop.
Gay, Straight, bi.. whatever.. obviously it sounds to me like you are wanting a companion, someone to love and reciprocate the feelings. I can remember having that same strong urge for the first time, especially towards another guy. I remember how it actually almost seemed to make the heart hurt because all you desire is that touch and love from someone. It does get easier, its just right now these emotions are new for you so it’s a bit overwhelming. If anything I say ride the emotions on what you are feeling and really take them in. You’ll be amazed what you’ll learn about yourself just being doing that.Quote:The problem doesn't end there, this next part I'm really looking advice on from gay guys or bi guys who've had relationships with men. So I have medical issues, Crohn's Disease, which affects my bowels. There's no point getting overly descriptive but basically I had surgery a year ago and it left me with this opening above my anus, it has a suture in it to prevent it from closing until deemed "time" by my doctor. I don't know how painful anal sex would be, or if I can even have it, my doctor has asked me what my sexual preference is and I haven't had the nerve to say anything but heterosexual, so he is probably getting at do I get nailed up the bum. Anyway my question is that if it turned out I couldn't take a guy, at least temporarily, would a guy still want me, isn't that the way gay guys have sex?
As a gay man I can tell you anal sex is not the only thing we do… and even on the topic of anal sex not all gay men enjoy anal sex (usually receiving that is, though I have met a few that don’t like to give either). Of course anal sex is part of gay sex, but what makes up the most of our sex lives is oral sex, mutual masturbation, kissing etc.
But sense you are concerned about the anal sex part I’ll try and cover a bit about that. First off, can/does anal sex hurt? Yeah if not done right sure it can hurt. You want a lot of lube and to really have someone who is going to be patient especially since this is something new for you. But if done right it can be amazing! It’s just something you’ll need patience and understanding from your partner. Also you might find out anal sex is something you don’t enjoy receiving, which again is not uncommon. As with any relationship (Straight/gay/bi) there is sexual compatibility and compromises. It’s all about being upfront and honest with your partner about what you like and don’t like so you are both aware and comfortable.
Secondly, as for your medical condition, it’s surprisingly not that uncommon. I actually dated a guy who had the surgery you mentioned and he was able to have anal sex. Now I am not saying you should do it without talking with your doctor first because I am not sure what conversation the guy I dated might have had with his doctor. I know it might seem uncomfortable but I would have a talk with your doctor and let him know your sexual orientation. Trust me he has heard it all before and he won’t judge you for it; he just wants to make sure you are being safe.
Thirdly, I’m sure it’s obviously its already been said, but yes even if for some reason you are not able to receive anal sex you’d still be wanted and loved. As already stated anal sex is not the only want gay men have sex with each other; there is so much more to it. It all comes down to finding someone sexually and emotional compatible.
And obviously, I’m sure it does without saying anymore, regardless just make sure you are protected; condoms are a mans best friend hehe.Quote:I just want this to end honestly I don't even care if I'm gay anymore. I'm older now and I'm not really self conscious
Well you are already past the hard part then if you can already accept yourself, that’s one of the hardest parts when someone realizes they are gay. For me personally it took me a long time, but once I was able to accept myself it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. So be proud of yourself that you have already jumped over that hurdle.Quote:But, I feel like I can't be gay because I don't know if I can pleasure a guy, and that thought alone makes me want a guy more.
I think that’s a common “fear” for most people when it comes to sex for the first time, and though you said you already had sex before, it was with a female not a male so I can understand. Again it comes down to being honest with your partner and letting them know you are new to all this and you might need a little guidance. I remember the first time I had sex, I remember feeling anxious and felt like my heart was going to beat of my chest with how hard it was beating lol. Just relax and it’ll all come naturally, plus you’re a guy and you know what feels good so you already have some idea on who to please another guy.Quote:I just want someone to hold me and tell me they love me, I've never had that, and how the fuck do I meet guys? It's not kosher to ask guys "hey are you gay?" and I've seen a couple groups for gay people or whatever, but it's mostly like addicts and people really unstable, ha as if to call myself stable, plus allot of them are really flamboyant and for some reason that's a turn-off for me cause it always seems like an act.
In today’s age there are tons of places to meet people. There are internet single sights (I will say thought stay away from sites like Gaywatch, Adam4Adam etc.. they seem to be nothing more then hookup sites..yuck! But places like Yahoo personals etc seem to be the way to go. I haven’t been single for awhile so there might be other, more specified, sites that I don’t know about.), there are bars, clubs, groups.. etc. There are numerous ways to get out there and meet people. You just have to be confident enough in yourself to put yourself out there, which I know can be hard and even stressful. But unless you can do that it’s going to be hard to meet someone. I’m not sure where you live, but in most places, there is at least one gay bar; not a horrible place to start /
If there is anything I didn’t cover that you needed answered, please feel free to ask. I tried to cover all the points but I might have missed something. I hope my long post was able to help you in some way. Take care of yourself!
I really like what Just For Laughs said, I don't think ic ould have said it any better myself.
I'm a gay Christian man it did take awhile for me to accept my sexuality. I prayed for a long time for God to "fix me" because I was raised believing that homosexuality was wrong. I made posts in the past about this, but I remember the last night I prayed to God to fix me and take away the evil. I remember having a complete feeling of peace after I prayed, like it was God's way of telling me everything was going to be okay. Without anyone saying a word, I had this feeling of acceptace. It was one of the best feeling I've ever felt. From that point on I knew I was going to be okay and that God accepted me for who I am.
Struggling with acceptance within one's self is hard enough but to add Christianity into the mix it makes it that much harder. All I can say is get right with God; talk with him directly. We don't need middle men/women, we have a direct link to him through prayer.