I'm 22m, and I want to stay single and celibate at this time in my life. I know this is uncommon, but it is just the way I want to be, mostly because I am a loner, and I like to be alone. I have a few close friends who are all engaged, one is married. And they keep pressuring me to go out and date. My one friend wants to hook me up with his cousin and his sister, but I am just not interested in casual sex and I'm too busy to have a relationship. So it's becoming less and less fun to hang out with these guys because I'm the only single in the group, and they have alot of fun at my expense. Because I really don't talk to girls often tell people typical stuff like "He hates p\*ssy" or "He's prude". These guys were once like my brothers since high school but since we've gotten older, I'm feeling more and more like I want to end this friendship.
There are other reasons why I want to stay single, I do have confidence issues, I'm shy in public and not great at meeting new people. But mainly I just enjoy the freedom that I have and that they do not. I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want, and I don't mind one bit doing it alone. But they just don't understand that, and I hate hanging out with them when they choose to have fun at my expense.
So what should I do? Should I confront them, which probably won't accomplish much? Or should I just find a new group to hang out with?
Not sure if this is the appropriate board for posting a subject like this, but I figure this board is full of alot of cool people, and maybe some of you might have some suggestions for me.
I am 24m, live with my mom, dad, and younger sister.
During New Year's 2007, my sister brought home some new guy that she was dating. He seemed to be cool at first. Two weeks since we met him, he started sleeping over at our house every night on our couch in our living room. During week four (end of January), he moved all his shit (XBOX, clothes, etc.) out of his room and into our house. I don't think he had permission but he did it anyways. At this point, I was getting annoyed because he started to stay at my house during the day when everybody in my family was working. He started this because my sister told him he could, and my mom didn't say it wasn't appropriate.
During week 6 on valentines day, he asked my sister to marry him and she accepted. After 6 weeks of dating! It was at that moment that my mom embraced him as her second son, and basically accepted the fact that he can live in our house, use our water and electricity, eat our food (and this dude never stops eating, he is overweight and out of shape, and drinks too much imho).
He contributes nothing to the household at all, only helps himself to whatever he wants. It is so frustrating when I go in the fridge to pour a cup of orange juice (which I buy for me and my family), and there is none. Then this ahole pops his head in the fridge and says "Oh yeah, I finished it last night when I was mixing drinks! Sorry! Tehehehe!"
Then he lost his job in a warehouse for taking days off all the time. When he doesn't feel like working, he says his back hurts or his arm hurts and just doesn't go to work. This happens at least 1-2 times a week. So they canned him. So ever since then, he sits at my house during the day playing video games and stuffing his face. My sister even bought him a $5000 car with her college money so he could go on job interviews. But then he can't afford gas or EZPass so she pays that too. Don't ask me how he pays for insurance.
So here we are in June, and he finally gets a security guard job. Because its 10 hour days, he wants to quit because he feels they're working him too hard. All he does is sit there! He doesn't have people sign in or anything. He just sits in a parking lot and makes sure no one is stealing cars!!!!
Sorry for all the background info. But the thing is I tried to remain cool with this guy (he's a year old than me). But he has my mom and my sister wrapped around his finger. My dad feels the way I do, but does not want to interfere in my sister's relationships. The fact is, my mom and my sister can't see that he is a freeloader, he wants to live his life at the expense of other people. And that p1sses me off to no end. I tried to convince my sister that he is not as good as she thinks he is. I don't want to see her marry a loser that she will wind up supporting. But she refuses to acknowledge anything I say, and just keeps going on that "He's trying to get his life straight! Give him a chance!"
In all honesty, I'm moving out on my own soon. I'm making great money, I drive a new car, I'll be buying a boat soon since we live near the shore. But it sickens me to see that as soon as I leave, this guy will basically take my room and my place without any shame whatsoever.
Any suggestions on how I can get this loser out of my house?
In June my best friend Mike (male, 22 years old) invited me to join in on his family vacation at their beach house with his parents, sister Jessica(19 years old), and his sister's b/f Dave (22). I agreed to go, and am glad I did cuz we had a blast. I bonded really well with everyone, and that's the cause of my problem.
I really bonded with everyone on this trip. I became friends with the sister and her boyfriend as well. Whenever I hang out with my friend Mike, his sister and her b/f Dave seem to tag along too. Its become a tight little group that we have, and I'd hate to throw it all away. So thats why I'm asking for advice.
The problem is I am really falling for my friend's sister. I really am in love with her, can't get her out of my mind. And it hurts like hell. The thing is her b/f doesn't treat her right, and I know if she was with me she'd be treated right. But does that give me the right to interfere? I really don't think so... So I just sit here and endure the pain of not being with her.
When I was on vacation with them, I noticed how Dave really doesn't treat Jessica as well as he should. They spent alot of time fighting, alot of time making up, and alot more time fighting. Then when she wasn't around he would say stuff like, "I should just dump her now". The thing I noticed with him is he makes their relationship one-sided. He expects her to do everything he wants to do, and anything she wants him to do with her is dumb and out of the question. Any movie she wants to see with him he considers corny or stupid, so she tags along to see his movies just so she can spend time with him. That sorta thing. He tends to disappear on her too, for weeks at a time.
What gets me is she is a really smart girl, doing really well in college. She's also got great looks, could probably have any guy she wants. I think her main attraction to Dave is that he has a chiseled body and he does make her laugh. But like I said, it seems like most of the time he treats her like shit.
Back to the vacation when they were fighting and spent some time apart, I spent some of that time on the beach with her. She was crying, but basically she told me that the few good moments with Dave outweigh the many bad moments. And she still believes he is the "one" for her. I wished at that moment I could have told her how I really feel now. That I really am crazy about her, and I'd treat her right if she was with me. But I can't make her laugh like he does and I don't have the muscles that he has. And like I said that's her attraction to him.
This is the most complicated situation I've ever been in. I really need any opinion/advice/input from anyone who reads this. I honestly wish I could just cut all ties to my best friend and his family, and maybe these feelings will go away. But seeing his sister and her b/f together just make my heart ache. And since she is so devoted to him, I feel like it just isn't right for me to tell her how I really feel.
This my first post, although I've been browsing this board for a while. It looks like a great place to go when your down, there are some great people here who generally want to listen and help. So here's my problem.
I'm a complete, total loner - age 21 male, and living with my parents. I've disconnected myself from everyone I knew from high school and tech school. My only friends (if i can call them that) are the few people I chat with at work. I really don't have a problem with being alone, I spend most of my time playing video games, or watching DVD's and TV, or hanging out with the family pets. Occassionally I will come of my shell and actually try to coordinate a football or hockey game among co-workers because I love sports and competition. But otherwise, I could be described as completely anti-social.
I think as a side effect to this, I'm really a boring person to talk to. It feels like I have almost no social skills at all. Ironically, I work in sales and am on the phone constantly. Alot of people I talk to are friendly and outgoing. They usually try to strike up a smalltalk conversation with me about the weather etc. etc, but usually my main goal at that point is to give them whatever they need and end the conversation ASAP because I feel like I have absolutely nothing to add to it. People sometimes describe me as being too serious. That's really not the case, its just that I have a hard time interacting with other people.
My dad gets on my case sometimes too. He's mainly disappointed because I've NEVER had a girlfriend, especially during high school years. And now I really have no friends. And I'm not really career-oriented or a workaholic, so its not like I don't have alot of free time. Because of all this he sees me as somewhat of a loser. He tries to hook me up with his friends' daughters/nieces alot of times, and I have a lack of confidence so I usually try to avoid it. (Once again it goes back to being a boring conversationalist)
I really don't hate being a loner as most people would. The truth is I actually feel comfortable. However I look at some of the "loners" I work with who are mainly 45+ old, divorced, and completely miserable. I don't want to end up like them, so I have some ambition to better my position in life, to go back to school and get a degree. But as most people envision themselves marrying someone and raising a family, I envision myself owning a house, loaded with cool stuff, lots of money in the bank, a fast car in the garage, and maybe a boat on the dock. All for me. I'm not against meeting a great girl and getting married and raising a family, I actually hope that is what's in my future. But I just have no ambition to go out dating. I just don't have the confidence, so I choose to remain comfortable.
So thats my so-called life. Is there anyone out there who can share in my experience? Is there anything wrong with being a loner?