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    sunnysunshine

    I'm still alive! Anybody remember me?

    posted in Community Forum read more
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    sunnysunshine

    I will agree with all of what you said. I am and have been dependant on him. And of course i am afraid of doing it all on my own. Then what is your definition of a co dependant?

    posted in Addictions read more
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    sunnysunshine

    I have never lived on my own. Ive lived with my husband pretty much right out high school. IM 35 now. The thought of being alone does scare me. Its terrifying thinking of it. I have major problems i know.

    posted in Addictions read more
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    sunnysunshine

    Who knows anything about this? Im so confused. Ive read online about it, but i just dont know if thats what s going on with me or not. Yes i know i need to get out of my emotional abusive marrige,with a cheating husband, and so much more. but other than trying to take care of myself, im worried about him and where he will go and if he will be ok. At this point i dont know why i should care, but why do i? Im so mad at myself. Why cant i just tell him to leave and file for divorce and just focus on myself and my kids? This is killing me. ....

    posted in Addictions read more
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    sunnysunshine

    That is so Sad. I cant even imagine having a child with cancer. Ive dealt with cancer in my family and it is not easy, but having a child with it is not something i think anyone could handle well. I hope your friends step son is not in to much pain and ill pray for him and family.

    posted in Cancer read more
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    sunnysunshine

    Thanks everyone for all of the advice. Pepsichaser thank you for your advice. I know i need to take care of myself and the kids. ANd thats what i plan to do. Im going to be happy one day. You are proof that it can be done.Helms, i do believe that the flame has gone. Even when he was sober for a time, we wernt happy together. I truley believe that its time to move on. I will sit down with him and discuss things, Soon..Thanks guys for the support. It has helped alot.

    posted in Depression read more
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    sunnysunshine

    Hes never been to Detox before. Which i know he would benefit from it. Right now i dont think he wants to.He tells me that he cant sleep, that this helps him sleep. Thats all he says. He wont talk to me. He never has. The last time has was clean he went to see a therapist and a phychiatrist. He says it was all BS. he continued to go , he said because his mom and i made him go. Which of course we didnt, we did encourage it.He got put on anti depressants., ambien , and xanax! He eventully stopped going. He now gets his meds from our family doctor. His still is on antidepressants and xanax. The doc diagnosed him with agoraphobia and depression. Maybe he burying something. I dont know,maybe he doesnt know. He wont talk to me. Maybe im not a good person to talk to. Maybe im the problem? I want out,we've been down this road before, and im tired of everything. , but then i feel guilty. Im just so confused as what to do and im scared to do anything.. I just want happiness.And i want him to be happy. Maybe if i left that would help him? Or maybe it would make it worse. Im screaming in my head!!!!!!

    posted in Depression read more
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    sunnysunshine

    He did quit the weed for a time, during the time he was clean, he had a girlfriend. when i found out about the girl,the relationship stoped as far as i know.He had once again started smoking again, and drinkng, HE stays in our/his room, and get wasted. It apears to me that he doesnt care about his family. He stay s locked away in that room.I feel bad that i cant help him. I want tobe able to help him because in know what addiction is like, but i just feel like i cant helphim, that he needs something else. ANd i hate myself for keeping myself in the place that i am in. This is not me, I have become someone that i dont want to be.I feel he and i both would be happier somewhere else. But i just dont know how to move on. He is all i know, and of course i worry about him. i sometime wish that someone would come along and take him away and take care ofhim, i guess the way i dont know how. ANd i wish i had t he courage to move on and jsut live the life that i need to live with my kids. I know i need to make a move,but i am truly afraid. Im like a scared child with nowhere to go. ANd im scared for him.The weed makes him paranoid, never wanting to get out , to do anything with his family, the drinking scares me actualy. To see him so drunk is a scary feeling,knowing that he cant walk straight, and fall in to t he wall, trying to make it to t he the bathroom. It really does break my heart. I catch myself checking on himm in the night to make sure he is still breathing. i Do fear that he will OD on something,ANd i feel bad that i want to leave him like this. I dont know what to do any more. HElms, Yeah his DOC is weed , alcohol , xanax.. and not sure what else. I feel guilty for ratting him out to you guys , because he does work and provid for his family. HE just has other things going on that i cant help him with, I just want to be happy thats all.

    posted in Depression read more
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    sunnysunshine

    Hey yall.. Most of you all dont remember me. Im a long ago poster. But the ones that do, Hello once again.I usually only post when im having a problem, and well im having one. Im afraid im depressed again. I feel totally stuck where i am. Nowhere go . Husbands an addict,, which i dispise being around, hes not abusive , maybe verbally sometimes, but i hate to say it but he isnt a very good father. Hes lazy and only really cares about himself and his addiction. Ive tried to convince him t hat it wrong and that he needs to get clean not just for us. but for himself. But he alwasy says its not fair , or whatever. Always excuses, Which i totally understand thats his addiction talking, and i want to be understanding, he did quit the weed and the drinking once, but he had another adiction.. his girlfriend of 2 years. I dont know if he can do it on his own. Maybe she was the one that could keep him clean? It just seems like we discust each other. and i dream of another life, But im so dependant on him. AT the moment i am unemployed. Which i know i can find another job, but would i be able to support my kids the way id want to? Its selfsih of me to say but ive gotten used to my lifestyle and having that extra to do for my kids. But i also know that i cant live like this. I know he has a problem and i wish he /we could get through it, but i see that he doesnt want to. Maybe its me. Im probably not the most exciting person to live with, but sometimes i feel like both of us would be happier somewhere else. But back to square one,, i dont know how. Im so insecure. I just feel like i have so much to say, but dont even know where to begin. IS it this relationship thast making me depressed? I just dont know, what if i left and it was a mistake? and things were worse... Meds havent worked for me. ive tried several. I feel angry inside,, and sad. I love my kids. I wish i could provide a truly happy life for them. I know im rambling,,, but it feels good to let it out. .

    posted in Depression read more