College Loneliness

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Hey, ive recently moved up from high school and into college, im 17 and in the space of a few months had a complete shake up socially.With my college choice, i ended up away from my closest friends, whom have all gone to the same college, which i hear about often about how great it is and the all different characters there and the general sense of fun.This is in like complete contrast to my college.I jumped in practically alone, there is two other people i knew before hand, but im not that great friends with them, but i ended up completely dependent on them, relying on them to make myself meet new people etc. The thing is, the people aren't exactly my kinda crowd, so i feel slightly alienated and out of place. and the entire place is so boring, its depressing hearing how fun the college is my old friends have gone to.What else, is that some of the people from my new college who i have befriended somewhat, have added me on msn. Sounds alright, but now im shit scared of appearing online, i don't want to talk to them but yet i do in order to get to know them etc. But what usually happens is that i sit there appearing offline talking to nobody, not even to my old friends, which i feel are slowly distancing themselves from me. Sometimes, when i make myself appear online i usually have that dreaded quietness and awkward moments which i hate so dearly.Im also slowly sliding into alcoholism, i regulary drink during free periods, which have led me to bunking a few lessons to me being completely hammered. I feel that the drink makes me more social etc so i connect to people more.

Moving to college is often difficult, and especially when you know hardly anyone. However, it can be a place where you make a lot of new friends.It sounds like the friends you have made so far are not the best match in personality. So you need another way of meeting people than the 'friends of friends' method, which hasn't worked well this time. Perhaps you should talk more to people in your classes? Perhaps there are clubs you might join?It's inevitable that there is going to be some drifting apart from your old friends. If you want to keep close you need to work at it, and the question is whether you want to do that or not.The most worrying problem is your drinking, and that needs to be addressed. Drinking that much won't make you more social, and ultimately it's likely to lead to your getting thrown out of college for failing too much. You're drinking because you're desperately unhappy, but it won't solve your problems now or in the future.Colleges have counsellors who have seen it all - perhaps an appointment might be a good first step.

Its normal for people to be shaken by a change in there life and even more for shy people.

I'm not from America, but dont most colleges generally have activities you can sign up to, to meet friends with the same interests? I'd also advise setting your msn status to online; keep in touch with your old friends and get to know your new friends and meet there friends just expand your ways on meeting people. just get out there, meet new people, stay in contact with your olds mate(maybe visit them over term brakes) and yeah.

Cut back on the drinking at school, maybe a lil bit, but not to the point of being hammered, save that for later on at night when your doing soical activities. If your still having problems with drinking, talk to a campus Counsellor about what you can do.

hope some part of this helps :smile:

When you're in high school, you have a relatively small circle of friends and consequently they're fairly close. Entering college with its larger classes exposes you to a much wider circle of friends, but only a few will be as close as your high school friends were. And, unfortunately, as time goes on, you will naturally drift away from high school friends unless you make a concerted effort to keep the friendships alive.When I entered college, more than a few years ago, I knew no one at first. So I can understand your loneliness. The key is to find an organization you are interested in--maybe in your case even a study group, or a volunteer effort. Doing good for others makes you feel good about yourself.Not everyone you meet will you put on your list of favorites , but they are still friends. Your challenge is to sort the good from the bad, and avoid those that send you down the wrong path. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are quite perceptive that the road you're traveling is leading you in the wrong direction, so turn around now. I had a fairly good freshman year, but got full of myself sophomore year and my grades sure showed it. Don't make the same mistake I did. It was tough digging out of that hole but I did it and you can too.I would concur with the suggestion of others to enlist the help of a counselor in the college student services offices. Your situation is not unique. They have helped others like you before.One last suggestion: ditch the bottle. It's a false friend.Feel free to PM me if you think I could be of any help.

Hey guys, i cant really thank you guys enough for trying to help me out, i really do appreciate it.

Im definitely cutting down on the drinking, i can say it was fun a few times, but not really much afterwards.

I think the problem i have is that i am scared of the unknown somewhat. Its like, im alright around people i know really well, but when i don't really know them, i get all shy n conservative, which being in a new place is always the case.

THe people who added me on msn n stuff, i do talk to every now and then at school, but thats when im around others, when its just one on one, which is basically msn, i get all insecure and stuff.

i guess i just need to talk more, and show a bit more of my personality. Gotta work on that, because there's definitely not a magic cure, no matter how close alcohol can be to it.

And im English, not American and as far as im aware there is no counsellor in my college :smirk:

Quote:And im English, not American ah my bad on the american thing lol, just used to colleges being called universities else where (just a kiwi thing) colleges to us are High schools here Quote: when its just one on one, which is basically msn, i get all insecure and stuff. why not bring a few brings a few friends on msn? say invite all the people from school that are on your list, that way if you go quiet other's will still be talking and cover up the awkwardness

Quote:as far as im aware there is no counsellor in my collegeIt's very likely indeed that there is - try a search on the college website.

I know how you feel. When I went to college I only knew like 6 people from my high school, and I was never even really friends with them. For the first week or so I was really homesick and thought I was gonna hate college. I ended up joining a fraternity to meet more people and I love it. I now have a group of 6 very very close friends at college, and tons of other good friends. It really helped having a bunch of people there to talk to, hang out, go to parties with, etc... I met a ton of other people all across campus through Greek life. Go out there and join a club, organization, or get involved in Greek life.