Am I wrong for denying my g/f of sex?

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Alright, so here's the story...My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months now, and we've enjoyed every minute of it. I love her, she loves me, and overall we are very happy.Sexually, we haven't gone anything past oral in the relationship. It's really both of our first real sexual relationship, so we have been taking it slow rather than rushing to things (which is what I prefer and like). She lives in an apartment with a crazy obessive step-father (controlling asshole - he's Romanian and he treats my g/f and her mom like crap, it's really sad...) so Claudia and I only get to see each other a couple of times a week max usually. Lately, within the past three to four weeks, Claudia has been absolutely overwhelmned with the urge to have sex with me and lose her virginity to me. While this is flattering and I love the fact that she wants to give this to me, I am also extremely apprehensive. First of all, the only "birth control" we would have would be a condom, and that obviously isn't 100% safe (accidents happen). Claudia doesn't seem to care at all though, and she is just obsessed with sex. Even when we are just sitting on the couch watching tv she finds a way to turn everything into something overtly sexual and bring up the fact that she wants sex and then make a comment about how I won't have sex with her. (And she's only actually been wanting sex for three weeks, and she comes up with comments like, "...We're probly never going to have sex...", really starting to get on my nerves)Every guys dream, right? Not for me. I've been raised with a lot of common sense and I generally weigh my pro's and cons, and I keep holding out on having sex with her. She's getting frustrated and complains that maybe I just don't want her and that I'm not ready (which is entirely inaccurate). Since she has shown me she has absolutely no self-restraint whatsoever, I'm the one that has to do it. I can't take a risk having sex with her and her gertting pregnant - especially with her living conditions and me still living at home @ 20. It doesn't mean that I don't want her. But she doesn't understand that, and she just doesn't seem to want to take no for an answer. And when I tried to explain things to her before, she just opted for "It's my way or no way" mentality and just decided that she wouldn't be touchy with me at all anymore (hardly any cuddling!) and starting being very distant towards me. I feel like she's playing mind games. (She is an only child by the way - and kind of spoiled. Might have something to do with it.)I know girls don't have to go through sexual rejection much in their lives... but come on. It's getting a bit ridiculous from my point of view. All I want to do is be safe. If I had an apartment with her, I'd have sex with her. But she's making this a huge ordeal and is putting tons of pressure on me, and I feel like it's starting to cause a riff between us. Advice, guys? Kind of a switch-a-roo from the old formula guys begging the girls for sex... heh.

Well I understand your point of view and your concerns are completely valid, but there is a chance that you're overthinking this. Has your girlfriend considered going on the pill?I'm a guy so obviously there is a loud voice in my head screaming "Holy shit man, she's begging for it!!" but I have to say that if you are not ready and you feel that in your current circumstances that you would not be able to properly deal with an accident, then feel free to hold out.The allure of sex is a strong thing, and you have shown an incredible amount of restraint (much more than I've ever shown) and I can strongly understand how your girlfriend is feeling. All I can suggest is that you keep reassuring her that it is your situation that is holding you back and not her.

Nine months seem like a lot of time. It's no wonder your gf is constantly turned on and thinks about sex so much.You 're OK though. Just tell her to give you some time (a couple of weeks, I'd say) so that you 'll be ready. Also don't worry so much, if you want to be even safer, use two condoms.A relationship should involve some sex now and then, so it can go on.

Quote:Also don't worry so much, if you want to be even safer, use two condoms.That better be sarcasm...

you over think this way to much, just put on a condom and don't nut in her, all your denying sex from is just you, guys that are always analyze things like this are the same guys that can not get laid, spending too much time on thinking of what to do rather just going ahead and doing it. i mean its been 9 months? and if she has started saying "...we are never gonna have sex" i wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't started finding other guys

Why not suggest herr going on the pill AND you use a condom, this would be mcu hsafer and allthough there is a chance its would be extremely rare..

MAN, do I wish I was you right now haha. Me and my girl will be together 7 months and the only thing we have done yet is just rubbing outside of the pants, nothing major. I get sexualy frustrated at times, but the way she was braught up, and the way she operates, she is not ready and is really immature in that stage. That kind of reminds me of you and that's why I am responding.First and foremost, she has got to respect you. She is obviously has a bad case of being sexualy frustrated and you wouldn't think what kind of wear and tear it does, but I AM a dude, and when a chick wants it that bad you know she's busting. Nevermind that, You have got to tell her to respect you, and to get over the fact the time is not here yet. But, you've got to think of your fellow brothers that some would KILL to be in your situation. Just don't push her away that's all.

Well, that's kind of part of the problem.. she refuses to go on the pill, and if it wasn't for me insisting on using a condom when we do have sex, I don't even think she'd want to use a condom either.

Hmm, sorry if I appear insulting but your girlfriend seems to be either very immature or just very stupid.

I don't see why you should have sex with her at all if she isn't going to even try to meet you half way.

i guess all this school talk on condom use and birth control works, this kid is scared as hell to go bareback in a chick and pulling out. Ive done it and people have done it hundreds of times, just pull out and spray your goo all over her, next time tell her your gonna need a condom if you don't want that to happen again

Jesus Christ, this thread has some of the worst advice I've ever seen on this forum! First Shadowmage tells him to wear two condoms at the same time, now you're telling him to just pull out. rocky1985 is not an idiot, he may be overcautious about the risks involved but he is obviously not going to go in without any protection at all!rocky1985, your girlfriend's lack of concern about using contraceptives is a tad irresponsible, but if you want to have sex with her then you can. You may be apprehensive about just using a condom because they are only 97% effective, but you must understand that this statistic was created in a laboratory experiment testing the condom's physical strength and the effectiveness of the spermicide, if there is any. This means that there is about a 3% chance of sperm getting past the condom, but it does not mean that you have a 3% chance of getting her pregnant. Your chances are much lower as the 97% statistic does not factor in what stage of her ovulation cycle she is in, or the strength and numbers of your sperm. She could get pregnant and have a miscarriage at an early stage and neither of you would ever know! And it happens a lot!Can she get pregnant? Yes of course, but don't underestimate the effectivness of a condom. As long as you use it properly, and one at a time (such a fucking stupid suggestion!), you have a great chance of having a completely safe sexual experience.

This thread is funny! In all seriousness though, you need to do her, and soon.Someone mentioned that if you don't give her the sex she wants, she's gonna find someone who will - and my guess is that it would be roughly 99% of the straight male community!She's NOT gonna have a hard time finding a guy who will bone her. You, however, will more than likely never find another girl who is this willing to put out!For the love of everything that is good and pure: ram her, and ram her good.You worry that condoms aren't enough - well if it was that much of an issue don't you think they'd make them better - or just do away with them altogether? Why market a product that doesn't work?! If you use the thing properly (and it's not hard) then the rate is 2% per year chance that she'd get a bun in the oven.If you're that worried about it, either don't ejaculate, or pull out and let her finish you off or something (provided you wear one while you're in her).The only issue I'd be weary of is her lack of willingness to take the pill coupled with her seemingly insatiable desire for sex. Some girls don't like contraception because it is their plan to get pregnant in the first place. The only girlfriend who I have been "sexually active" with (and that's a very limited use of the term) wanted me to have sex with her so that she could get pregnant (of course she didn't tell me this) because all her friends had babies and she wanted one (she thought it was like a cool new toy - one that craps and whizzes and burps and costs a lot of money).So. My suggestion is: firstly ask her why she isn't on the pill. If she has no good reason, then explain why you wont have sex with her. Maybe she'll realise.Once that's out of the way, buy some condoms. Then read the instructions 10 times. Use one or two and have a 'posh wank' in them, just so you know what is likely to happen, then invite her over and become enveloped in her womanly presence.Then when you reckon you're gonna release your man-goo, pull out of her and whack yourself off to finish up (or get her to do it!).Then sit back, smack her hoohoos about a bit and go to sleep a satisfied man. Then wake up in the morning and do it again.And then give me lots of money for making you one hell of a lucky dude!

LoL I love you. That was funny...Saying all of that though, I don't agree the OP should go ahead with it just because there are plenty of other guys that would be willing to - if the relationship means anything she should be willing to wait until he is ready. To the OP- Maybe, like sbt suggested... talk to her and find out why she is so desperate for sex and why she refuses to go on the pill. Explain that you don't want a baby yet, and would be more than happy to have sex with her should she choose to go on the pill (or shot, go with her to make sure she actually goes through with it......) Also.. my friend and her partner have been using the pulling out (while wearing condom) method for ages because they didn't trust them 100%... and have been having sex for nearly 4 years with no accidents. Maybe you are being over-cautious??Don't be pressured into something you don't want. You will only regret it later on!

Well guys I appreciate all of your advice. I'm being overly cautious (I usally am), but I just wanted to make sure I'm comfortable with things before I go ahead and do them, which is why I wanted some opinions. I wasn't sure exactly how safe or unsafe condoms are either..Thanks again guys... I'll keep you updated if you really want :-P

Yeah keep us updated..hope all goes well..=]

It bothers me that people have said 'overly caustious'. In my opinion, you can't be cautious enough when it comes to the possibility of having a child you can't afford. It's something people take too lightly.Both of you guys should be using protection and if she doesn't want to, let go have unprotected sex with someone else. They can dysfunctionally raise their child in poverty.

I'm one of the biggest protesters of unplanned parenthood! It really really bothers me when someone I know says "We're expecting - wasn't planned though". In fact it makes me seriously angry.But at the same time you have to recognise that contraception is very effective. If it wasn't, there'd be no point in it and there would be a lot more unprotected sex, and either less people would do it, or the population would be way more than it is now.Sometimes you just have to have faith.

I guess it's more about principle. I still think they should both be using protection. That's having faith. I just don't think his girlfriend is mature enough to know that protection is important if you aren't able to care for a child. Maybe she knows her parents will help her out if she gets in a jam, so she's thinking 'whatever'. Because of that level of maturity, she should grow up some more before she decides to have kids.This all just seems strange to me, and I'll leave it at that. Sometimes I say things and come off too strong. Then people think I'm weird and they say something that gets my upset.

Originally Posted By: ShadowmageNine months seem like a lot of time. It's no wonder your gf is constantly turned on and thinks about sex so much.You 're OK though. Just tell her to give you some time (a couple of weeks, I'd say) so that you 'll be ready. Also don't worry so much, if you want to be even safer, use two condoms.A relationship should involve some sex now and then, so it can go on. hahaha wtf? i hope ur kidding... 2 condoms is always a NONO!they'll rub against each other and go POP

First of all, you can't be too safe now days.

Second, in my opinion, she is trying to control you.

Now why would I think that? You mentioned that her father is a controlling person, now how would know she wouldn't be one? The reason I stated that is because she wants to have sex with you but yet refuse to take proper precautions, therefore if she is pregnant, she would have "control" over you. Also, you said that she is trying to distance herself from you, if someone were to really love you, they would definitely respect your decision. But to me, she is just going to find the next person who is not as smart as you and take advantage of that.

I am sorry to sound so harsh, but to me, this is what it looks like. If I made any mistakes in my post, please point it out.

Thank you & best of luck to you.