Compulsive Liars, can they get better?

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I used to know someone who used to lie like that... I confronted him about it after about 2 years and got his parents involved and shit... he still wouildn't admit to lying (his parents were right there telling him what he's saying isn't true)...That was about 3-4 years ago, and he still lies to this day.So I don't know if they'll ever stop or not

The thing with her, is that she seems to set her self up to be found out, and she does tell the truth on important things, but she has made up pregnancies to her friends, made up rapes, she made up her parents, I mean, she's hurt two people extremely badly, and every time she tries to spill the whole truth to someone, after she does and I quote "I'm always thinking of the next plot device to use to keep it going, anything going. Even after they know I'm a liar."Two people won't talk to her ever again that I know of, and she moved acrossed a country to get away from people she lied to. I feel for her, I really do. I just wonder if she has a hope of getting better.

Interesting. I've been asking myself a similar question for years. Your friend sounds like my brother. Ohh, the stories he's made up and told, even in front of people he should know knows better. IE. He was in the Marines for 6 years. State-side administrative. But he tells stories about being injured in combat and crap like that. Tells them in front of folks who know better.So I've used my DSM-IV and tried to diagnose him. Kind of sounds like a personality disorder, but it really isn't. I've often wondered if it isn't a strange side effect of a Narcissistic personality disorder. Does your friend tend to tell stories more when she could conceivably be competing for attention?My theory is that folks like this...or my brother at least...might have stopped a long time ago if he had been confronted enough early on. Now...I dunno, might be a bit late. But it's also worth trying. If she sees that her lying is costing her something, whatever that might be, maybe there's a chance of her curtailing it.It's a tough one, isn't it?

She's deffinatly not narcissitic, and I don't think she does it for attention, more like she creates these fake people because she wishes she was them. Poor Self-Esteem, in her case I think. She says she's getting better, but she's done that before.

So she's actually acknowledging that she does it?If she does and she's actually made attempt to stop it, that's pretty promising.If it's a matter of self-esteem then the theory would go: work on the self-esteem issues and the negative consequences of poor self-esteem should dissipate. I dunno...sounds like, in this case at least, with a continued mix of confrontation, encouragement, and self-esteem boosters, she could actually find herself at a place where she doesn't perceive a need to lie anymore.

That's what I'm hoping, but she's struggled with Weight issues for a while, she doesn't... this is going to sound bad, but she doesn't have the self control to control her eating or weight, and she can't stop lying if she can't even get her weight in control. She's a great person, and I hate that she's gone through all this crap. She acknowledges that she does it, and came to me about it completely spilling her guts, admitting things that I actually believed (I'm a skeptical person, especially when it comes to lying and stories).

Unfortunately there are people who will continue to struggle with these things. Sounds like you might be one of the few people who are in a place to continue to give her opportunities to overcome this stuff, but at the same time care for her and understand she may may never change.Good friends...hard to come by.

It's just hard to watch, I mean she's destroyed atleast two relationships by ridiculously lying, and put her family in many a difficult situation. I'm trying to help her with the weight thing, taking her with me when I go running/climbing things like that, I just wish it was enough. I'm too busy to do more, and things are only to get worse in the months to come with Ari bring Joseph home.Would her going to a Shrink help?

Psychiatrist? Probably not so much.Psychologist, yes. Or any counselor/therapist who is trained in cognitive therapy. If she got that kind of help, I think she (and you) might be amazed at how she would be able to overcome the lying and the weight issues. Not a magic wand solution, mind you. Just a matter of having a professional help her look at the stinking thinking that's at the root of her issues, and enabling her to replace "cognitive distortions" with productive truth.You sound like you are being an amazing friend to her. But you're right. You need to do what you can and should without pushing yourself beyond doing your part. If you find yourself working at it more than she is, that's a pretty good sign you've done all you can.

Damiens right about the Pschologist. I know a couple people who just make stuff up for no real reason... And then go back make up another lie about the same thing, in the same conversation! Take her to a mind doc and go in with her (if allowed) this will show that you are there for her and may in itself help with selfesteem, not to mention, you can help keep her story straight if she starts to screw around with the doc.