He CANT Hold on to HIS ERECTION!!

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A couple of days ago my bf and i had sex. it was his first time but not mine. we encountered a problem that neither one of us could explain...he had trouble staying hard! he blamed first time jitters, but i'm thinking otherwise. i think it's so bizzar!! he's 25 and he works out consistently. he's in good shape so what's the problem?? hmmm...he does eat a lot of meat to gain mass. could it really be first time jitters? he claims that this has never happened to him and that he usually gets hard easily. he never became fully hard that day we had sex either. what's going on??

I think its almost definitely first time jitters. It's a VERY common problem. Why do you think otherwise?

There's a lot of pressure us guys put on ourselves to perform well, and there's often quite a bit of fear the first time - mostly fear of the unknown, and fear of not performing well. Unfortunately, fear and stress are two of the strongest triggers to losing an erection! So its kind of a nasty cycle - the very thing we are fearing (losing our erection and not performing well during sex) actually causes us to lose our erections and do exactly that!

You just need to be patient with him - he'll regain his erection once he gets more comfortable with you and the whole concept of having sex with you. Some manual stimulation (masturbating him or giving him oral sex before regular sex), will likely help the situation.

it was his first time at 25? then im not surprised he was nervous and could keep hard. Lets face it for some reason, we girls expect a man to know what to do, how to do it, and the guys think we expect them to please us.........Im sure when you two try again things will be better, but make sure he knows that you arn't bothered by his lack of erection and that there isn't any pressure on him.

When I lost my virginity I didn't have trouble keeping an erection, but I had a hard time having an orgasm. I suppose it was anxiety, expecially since she was on the pill and for whatever reason I felt like that wasn't enough, therefore I couldn't come inside her.It's rare that someone who's 25 would have physiological erection problems. My guess it's anxiety. Try having sex again and see if it repeats itself. I think once he feels comfortable, this won't be a problem any more.

I don't think it's rare.

after one time having sex you're assuming that he can't keep his erection? Don't let him know that or he'll never get hard again. Just be patient with him. A 25 year old virgin must have major anxiety his first few times. Don't judge his penis/him because he couldn't get up once.

I would agree with that. Guys can tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves when dealing with sex. The anxiety would be great for a young guy, I couldn't imagine how tough it would be for a grown man. Even though he's never done it, a grown man might expect more of himself then a teen would. And I think its well known that guys usually ejaculate too soon their first time, and I'm not sure that him being older is gonna necessarily make it any easier to hold out longer then someone younger either. He might be perfectly fine the next time, but being with someone who cares should eventually make it easier for him if its not.

i have another update! we have had sex two more times since my first post yet we're still dealing with the same situation. he still has the problem of staying hard and still has not cum from sex yet. i found out some personal history about him recently. the first time he masturbated was when he was 22 (he is 25 now). i was so shocked and surprised! i mean at 22?? guys usually start a lot earlier like in their early teens! he says claims that he just never felt the need to masturbate until he was 22. and what else is that every time he masturbates, he masturbates to porn! he cant cum without the porn! he tried to cum by masturbation when he could not cum while we were having sex but he still could not cum (we werent watching any porn). *sighs* does that mean we have to watch porn while we have sex then?? i would not like that one bit cuz it would make me feel inadequate in bed!! but we had sex today and i wanted him to cum in my mouth at least for once. so he tried. a few times he felt like he was close but nope he just would not cum! what else is that he seems to always be semi-hard but never fully hard. can a guy cum without being fully hard?? i still cant come up with a reason why he just cant stay hard or cum when with me! is it cuz he started at such a late age?? is there something wrong with his genitals? i really dont think first time jitters is a possible reason anymore!! i'm so baffled by this. it's driving me crazy!

He may have a low sex drive, or he may be very inhibited. It's the sort of situation where a sex therapist could help, but they're overpriced. Try lots of practice, but try to avoid putting pressure on him. Especially try the morning - men tend to be at their horniest in the morning.Many men can't cum from oral, even when they find it most effective for inducing an erection.

I really think he has "Retarded Ejaculation" like I wrote in my PM to you. He's basically trained his penis to only cum through only visual stimulation and using his own hands. Since his penis basically knows no other way to ejaculate, it can't do it any other way. Porn seems to be one of the causes, but there are many more things that can cause it. Some can be physical, or some can be psychological like I believe your boyfriends is. There also seems to be a feeling of guys wanting to really hold back and wait for the female to orgasm. But orgasms are really a selfish act and shouldn't be controlled that much. If you try or learn to control them too much, you may have trouble having them period. Luckily it looks to be very treatable.

I thing artdog may be right... but it's still strange. I'd think most guys could stay erect and cum easily from intercourse.Is he on any medication? Anti-depressants maybe? These can cause erection problems. How about steroids?

Well from what I was reading, some medications can cause it too. It seems to be a much bigger issue than people think it is. But since guys can hold out for such long amounts of time, they don't always see it as and issue. Most are in denial about it though, because most guys (deep-down) want to be able to orgasm, and after too long a time, it starts playing in their minds, and it gets worser and worser. Sex or anything sexual is more mental than people think it is. For a guy, or I suspect women also, to orgasm, he has to really want to and his mind has to let him. If it isn't, he may start thinking ang worrying about so much, that he'll become too frustrated and basically give up thinking its never gonna happen. And if his mind isn't totally into it, it'll be very easy for him to lose his erection. The mind and body are always connected. It looks like Therapy may be needed in some cases, but the guy may be able to reverse this (with help from his partner in some cases) by himself. He's gonna have to find out what's fueling it. Porn is just one possibility, other factors like religion, medications, or childhood trauma could be factors. He's gonna have to probably stop masturbating for at least a week. Guys that have this, seem to masturbate a lot, and I mean a real lot. If its porn induced, he's gonna have to stop watching it. If its medication induced, he's gonna need to talk to his medical doctor and then maybe change meds. If its some kind of Religious or childhood trauma type thing, he'll probably have to talk to a therapist. I'm no Doctor or Psychologist, I'm just relaying some of the stuff I read. I simple Google Search for "Retarded Ejaculation" will get anyone to the information I read. Don't just take my word for it, because I may not be explaining everything I read right. It does look very treatable, but the guy has to really want it, and he has to be really willing to stick with it even though he may not get results right away.

"Retarded" ejaculation? Do you mean retrograde ejaculation?It can also be caused by nerve damage, e.g. from physical trauma or as a result of diabetes.

Retarded Ejaculation (also called Delayed Ejaculation) and Retrograde Ejaculation appear to be 2 separate things, although they may have a similar affect. Again I'm no Doctor! I concentrated on Retarded Ejaculation because of the symptoms that were brought up and what was said. I ran across quite a few people with stories that were simlar to the original posters. It may be best to look that one up to and anything else that has similar symptoms. In truth I think a professional should be consulted, with a medical doctor being seen first. Unfortunately it looks like a lot of the guys were very uncomfortable seeing one for something like this.

Yes, my brain was stuck on a different thread. Retrograde ejaculation is where the semen is forced into the bladder during ejaculation, rather than coming through the penis.

Very well put, artdog. I think you covered all the possibilities.

Now that so many people are on antidepressants, it's a possibility that should always be considered, so thanks for bringing it up, ilikeitalot. The traditional SSRI antidepressants tend to reduce libido, make it more difficult to get an erection, and make it especially difficult to reach ejaculation. There are, however, a few modern antidepressants that don't have this side effect."Retarded ejaculation" or ejaculatio retardans is indeed the official name for taking too long to ejaculate. The opposite is premature ejaculation, ejaculatio praecox.

ok.. i fucked a girl once, 2x actually n lost my hard.. the other 2 girls i had sex with tho, i kept it. also turns out that i was more interested in the other 2, so i would assume in relation to your problem that it has a matter to do with interest for the other person.

I suppose a "lack of interest" can't always be ruled out, but they were actually having sex, and she did say he was almost there but couldn't. From what I can tell, the interest is always there in regard to RE. But since the guy can't ejaculate, the women think he isn't interested. The guy wants to orgasm, gets frustrated that he can't, and gives up. He wants and likes the sex, but he has trained himself not too orgasm during a sexual act without knowing it. The fact that you had interest and could release, separates you from these guys. You can probably cum when and as often as you want or choose too, they simply can't. Its just not the same thing.