Thank you for sharing that. I know that wasn't easy. I know because I share the same addiction. It's a pisser. But the first important step to recovery is opening up and sharing it. If it stays hidden, it stays in control. I also understand the hopelessness in your words. A lot of people don't get that at all. It's a monster. But, I can tell you for certain there is hope. I also have to tell you that it will never not "be there" but you can master it.
As for the religion thing, I get that and respect it. I am a Christian. However, one thing that I learned is that all the scripture and sermons and well-intentioned spiritual platitudes in the world couldn't help me battle this demon. I didn't lose my faith, I just realized that there were things I had to do apart from all of that. I only share that to say that I can understand and connect and hopefully be helpful despite that difference in world view.
I'm really at a loss as to what to say to you because I don't want to be just another voice saying more words. Know what I mean? But I can tell you what helped me. I finally got fed up enough with it about 2 and a half years ago to do some things that actually worked. The first thing that helped was having a friend on the same journey. We gave ourselves a challenge. 30 days with no masturbation. I didn't think I could do it, but I did. And 30 became 60 then 90 then 120. It was amazing. Having the support and accountability helped. The second thing was finding a counselor. You don't need a psychiatrist or psychologist. Just a good counselor/therapist who can help you navigate the difficult waters ahead. The third thing was reading a wonderful book called 'Don't Call It Love' by Patrick Carnes, one of the leading experts on sexual addiction. It is great for helping to identify and starting to deal with the addiction. Finally, find ways to put up roadblocks where needed. I was able to get a decent internet filter. You may not be able to do that with your job, but maybe there are other things you could do.
This is just initial, basic stuff, but I think a good place to start. I really think that the main thing to start with is finding another man in your real life who you can share this with and get some daily encouragement.
All that being said...I have to be honest and say that I still struggle with the porn and masturbation. It's happened 3 times in the last 4 days. But it's a journey, and I'm getting better.
Finally...I really would love to help in any way I can. I have really grown so much in this and learned so much about this and am passionate about helping whoever I can. So feel free to send me a private message if you would like. Let me know how I can help.
And good luck! Hang in there!