Ok me and my girlfriend have been going out for a little longer than 6 months, and we have been through so much drama and everything. I mean ALOT when i say that lol. I want to break up with her and move on, but she seriously thinks she cant live with out me. And she basically says even if i cheat on her she wont break up with me, but i could never do that to her. What do you think i should do?
What do i do!?
It's like ripping off a band-aid.
There are two methods.
1. rip it off slow, taking off little bits and each yank or pull hurts. Doing this extends the pain, and leaves you lots of time to think about how bad it's gonna hurt each time you go to pull, eventually you'll get it off, but it could take a long time depending on how bad it hurts. Generally speaking, doing it slowly will only make it more stressful.
2. Rip it off like you got a pair. Grab the bandage, grit your teeth, and close your eyes. It's not gonna be pretty, and there will be some cussing and shouting, but when it's done, it's done. You won't have a lot of time to think about it, and after it is off the pain will go away faster than when you sat there picking at it.
Sure, no matter which way you choose to do it, it's gonna hurt, and if you are yanking out hair and busting open the wound which it covered, there might even be bloodshed, but only after it is completely off can you assess the damage and deal with it. This goes for all of life's problems and is a good way to think in general. We do it all the time. we deal with things one at a time, we can't deal with an entire situation in the same way we can deal with a 10 digit phone number. We deal with smaller issues the conquer the whole issue. My phone number example... How do we list phone numbers? we list them as 917-555-2340, instead of 9175552340. We even say them in broken chunks. dut-duh-duhhhh----dut-duh-duh-----dut-dut---duh-duh... That way our brains can process it. Some people can do them in one continuation, but generally, no. The same thing should be done with everything in life. If you have a problem, you need to assess it as a whole(meaning to recognize it as a whole problem), then break the whole into parts, and deal with each part individually. If you don't, you loose sight, or what a lot of people are guilty of, is jumping from one issue to the next, in a scaterbrained fashion. That just leads to confusion and mind-clutter. It's not worth postponing your situation so that it compounds into something more serious, and as each day passes that you don't axe her, you will reaffirm her belief that what she is doing is keeping you from leaving her. If you want her to take you seriously, and want her to know that nothing she does will change your mind, then you gotta pull the plug. Sure, it's gonna hurt her, and it might even sting you. You sound concerned for her well-being, as you should be. I'm sure you don't hate her, and you want her to be happy, but at the same time, you want her to be happy without you.
IMHO, If you just tell her that you do care for her and want her to be happy, she might take it a little better. You could try to explain to her that you want what is best for the both of you. If she tells you that she loves you, ask her if she wants you to be happy. Tell her that it would make you happy if hte relationship ended, so as to salvage some sort of friendship. You could try to explain to her that just because two people have feelings for each other, it does not nessessarily mean that they could be compatible enough to share a life together. If problems keep cropping up, that generally stems from a disagreement of philosophies, or personal beliefs, and if the problem keeps reoccuring, then it would be safe to say that you are not compatible. It's important to speak in a soft warm voice, let her know that you did value, and will forever cherish the time you spent with her, and it will be a huge chunk of your life and memories. Tell her that you appreciate her as a person and feel that she is wonderful and deserves to be with someone who will better suit her. By comforting her, it might ease her pain some, but I can imagine some form of "desperate attempt" to get you back. You must be kind, yet stern. Do not mince words. Stick to the truth, and avoid any type of sexal advances by her. Do not have breakup sex.
You'll be ok.
Thank you for that very detailed explaniton on everything....''but I can imagine some form of "desperate attempt" to get you back. You must be kind, yet stern. Do not mince words. Stick to the truth, and avoid any type of sexal advances by her. Do not have breakup sex.'' I have a feeling she is going to try to do something like this.
She will be devistated when you do so and will probably cry and "loose it" but if you are done, you need to move on and she needs to too. No matter if you do it now or in 2 weeks, she is going to freak out. Well, maybe you should wait until after the holidays, that is mean when someone gets dumped around the holidays. So, I don't know. But I know you want to be free from her and get on with your life. So good luck.
Well... i broke up with her yesterday.... it didnt go very well.... when i told her she pleaded with me not to do it and everything would be ok. I told her i have heard that to many times and its jus what i feel is best. Wow she made me feel like the biggest dick in the world, she literally said James please dont do this please dont we will stop fighting i swear about 30 times. Then she finally realized it wasnt going to work. Then i have to go to basketball practice and when i came home i had about 15 people IMing me(instant message) about all of it. Then today she tried to make me jelous by putting in her profile that she was going to a guys house to party tonight. I told her i didnt care all that much because we were broken up and who am i to tell who what to do.You know, because she is still ''in love'' with me she wanted to see if i still cared and all that stuff. I told her she was being VERY immature, so she says yah i like being immature.. and she wonders why we broke up lol. I also told her i will always have a place for her in my heart but its time to move on. Sorry for my long post... just figured i'd let you guys know lol.
That went about as well as could be expected, James.