Always Worried If Somebody Is Gay

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So I am curious about 2 brothers that I work with. They both seemed to be worried if somebody is gay or not. I find this odd. Me personally I could careless if somebody is gay or not, it is there life not mine. I just wonder what everybodys heres opinions are on guy who are so worried if somebody is gay or not. I just don't get it. So what do you all have to say on this? Thanks

People often obsess over such things when they are insecure about their own orientation.

I'm gay, big woop, Homophobia is just people that don't understanit. Haters are just closed minded idiots.If a gay guy hits on a strait guy, the guy tells him, he's strait and to back off, but the gay guy refuses, then he's just an asshole, they come in gay, strait and bi.

It's also possible that there is something in their past that makes them a bit leery of gay folks. But they should probably keep that to themselves and work on it without becoming annoying to others and ending up being talked about on a message board.

A lot of people just like to put up a front like that because they think it's how other people want them to think.

It's also possible that there is something in their past that makes them a bit leery of gay folks.The amount of homophobia far outweighs the number of people who have been sexually assaulted by gay people. There are a lot of people who hate blacks/Jews/whatever who have never even had a significant interaction of any kind with a member of the group that they hate. But even if they have, making assumptions about a whole group based on a traumatic interaction with an individual from that group is pretty much the definition of "prejudice".

In reply to: But even if they have, making assumptions about a whole group based on a traumatic interaction with an individual from that group is pretty much the definition of "prejudice". Maybe it is, but it is a valid experience. But there is a difference. If a Jewish man attacked me, there is no real connection between that event and his nationality. If a gay man violates me, there is a substantial connection between the event and his sexuality. I'm not saying it justifies prejudice, it just explains it. Haven't we had this discussion before?

The only time I worry about someone being gay or not is if Im in the docs office and hes getting ready to give me a finger wave. The only time I get REALLY concerned about that is if both of his hands are on my shoulders.If you always worry about what someone else is doing your an idiot. nearly everyone has something worthwhile to contribute to life nomatter if they are gay, straight, bi, what ever. Worring about shit like that is like worring about if Micheal Jackson is still black or if he went all the way white.It doenst mean shit, just a waste of time and energy.Want to worry for a good reason?worry about what that asshole behind you on the freeway is doing on his phone instead of watching your brake lights, or where your kids are at night when they are not in your site. Worry about if the condoms in your pocket are good or expired or been mistreated so badly that they are no longer protecting you. Worry about the people in Iraq who get shelled constantly and snipered because they were sent there.Gay straight bi black white brown yellow, its all bullshit and all things that dont make a person who they are.To think that any of that makes someone good or bad is a waste of time. There is good in all of them the same as there is bad.

If a gay man violates me, there is a substantial connection between the event and his sexuality.How so? Could it not be the person is just mentally ill that he feels he needs to "violate" someone. If it's a sexual violtion I can see a slight connection, but wouldn't it make most sense to take the person as an individual instead of looking at the persons sexuality as a whole? In other words judge the person for what HE did, don't judge all other people of the same sexual orientation because of something one person did.

I wouldn’t worry too much….I tend to agree with Steve....The brothers sound like they are covering up to protect themselves about their own insecurities. People sometime pretend to act this way to find out if others are accepting about it…If being gay is not an issue with you, then the next time you are around them when they questions someone’s sexuality, make a stands and tell them you could care less of their orientation. Their sexual orientation is only a small part of who the person really is…..

I also agree with dobol'n'iy, that sometimes people will make a big deal about something to look "cool", as if to say, "Well, I'm not like that!" But in other cases it's a case of protesting a bit too much.damien> Haven't we had this discussion before? It's one of the first things I posted about, ten million posts ago.I recognize the affect of trauma. Still, you're having a battle between emotion and rationality.

Well said Chance. People really need to reevaluate the shit they worry about and quit getting a stick up there ass about shit that doesn't hurt them anyway, regardless of what it is.Gee. Most my posts sound a slight bit hostile today...LoL

Nah hostile I don't think is the word hun, more like blunt. And sometimes being blunt is a very good thing!

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> If it's a sexual violtion I can see a slight connection, but wouldn't it make most sense to take the person as an individual instead of looking at the persons sexuality as a whole?
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And that's what I'm talking about. A sexual violation. And it happened twice, both time by gay men. And then there are the several times when I've had gay men make advances toward me, which is not an uncommon occurance or something to get too upset about, except for the fact that they came after the two incidents that were major and something to get upset about. So I think it is not totally irrational to have a little bit of fear around that.
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> In other words judge the person for what HE did, don't judge all other people of the same sexual orientation because of something one person did.
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And that's the struggle. Seriously. I know a couple of gay men who's positive contribution to my life is beyond words. They would never hurt me. If there were a gathering of A2A users, you would be one of the ones I would want to meet and hang with. But it doesn't change the fact that the experiences are there and they are huge and although I 've finally over the past year or so been able to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't responsible for what happened, I will always have a fear of it happening again. And I will always have this part of me that fears being identified by it.
At the same time, I don't' want to define a gay man by his sexuality. That is not fair. It has been good for me to get to know Jim and Hugh and Chris and see how wonderful and complicated they are and how if I just seein "another gay man who might hurt me" cheats us both. But the simple fact is that I experienced something traumatic and it is soooo difficult for me to see beyond that when I am around them. I'm sorry it is that way and I wish it were different.
I hope that makes at least a little sense.

In reply to: I recognize the affect of trauma. Still, you're having a battle between emotion and rationality. Well, I'm glad you are able to wrap it up into such a neat little package. Maybe you should be the therapist.

It actually does make more sense, and I do now remember the incident that happened (rather remember the post lol).Mentally it's hard to seperate the two, but atleast you know, though its a fear, that it's not true. Unfortunately there are sick and ignorant people of all orientation and it only takes one time incident to make a mark mentally for someone.

Well, I'm glad you are able to wrap it up into such a neat little package. Maybe you should be the therapist.No problem; always happy to help. Are you doing anything active to address your phobia? (Franly, I'm not sure what form the therapy would take.)

In reply to: Are you doing anything active to address your phobia? The work I've done around this (including therapy) has been on the guilt and self-image issues that have resulted. I haven't really done much work on the fears because they have not effected my normal functioning in a negative way (meaning work, sleep, obligations and such.) In reply to: (Franly, I'm not sure what form the therapy would take.) Well, for a situational phobia (and I'm not even sure this would be classified as such) a therapist might use Cognitive Therapy or some sort of incremental exposure.

guilt and self-image issues that have resultedGuilt and self-image issues because it wasn't an unalloyed horrifying experience?

Steve, you might be getting into things that I may not want to discuss right here and right now. Have you ever actually talked to a victim to understand how guilt and self-image issues can arise from situations for which they are not responsible? I guess I'm just maybe not comfortable with what you may or may not be getting at with that "unalloyed horrifying experience" question.