I have a new situation

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Hey guys. I've not posted in ages because life has been so great for me recently.

I got a fresh outlook on life and I've been feeling on top of the world since August.

I even managed to forget about girls and became totally happy with myself.

That's where the problem is though, my self-confidence seems to have got me in a place where girls are noticing me.

One in particular I've known for nearly 18 years (though haven't been in contact for the last few of them). We had a schoolyard romance thing back then!

Thanks to the internet she looked me up and we started talking again - this was about November time. We get along really well and we're very compatible - always have been.

Anyhow things have been going well, and yesterday she told me that she's falling in love with me - which is great because I'm falling in love with her too...

...but there is a big problem. Well, actually 3 problems. Offspring.

She is a mother of three, and still lives with the father. Things are turning sour between them and she's really depressed. She says that I have turned her life around over the past couple of months. She thinks we could be soul mates.

So the issue is that I do really like her, a LOT, and I can see things going a long way with her - but I don't want to break up a family. That's happened to me and it's not a pleasant thing to go through.

All I really want is for her to be happy, but I don't (and she doesn't) see that happening with him.

I've never even considered children before, and I'm totally overwhelmed by whats going on here.

I'm so confused. I feel really selfish for wanting to be with her, even though it would make her happier - because it would destroy a family.
We're having real trouble controlling what we say to each other because we don't want to admit our feelings for fear of what may happen.

I'm so stuck :frowning:

Hiya hun! Is she still married to this guy?

If she's still married to this guy walk away. Tell her you can't be involved with someone who's still married. If she's unhappy then she needs to leave on her own accord not because of you. If she leaves him because of you she will probably regret it later and resent you for it.

And with children involved it gets complicated. I don't believe in staying married for the sake of the children. Some people may think this is a good thing but I don't recommend it and that may have been what she was trying to do. But for your situation if you're not comfortable with children being part of a part of the equation then she's not the one for you. Understand she and her children are a packaged deal. You want one you get them all.

The reality is that why you may have feelings for her she it still with someone else or at least living with him and not only is it not fair to you. It's unfair to him because she's keeping secrets. And if anyone is being selfish it's her.

Ask yourself this: Is she bringing you in because she likes YOU? Or is she bored with her relationship or does she feel like she's missing something? Chances are she may feel like she's missing something from her marriage. Or she likes to sneak around because she likes the idea she might get caught.

In any case do not put yourself in a position to be "the other man" (or other woman if there's a woman out there in a similar situation). It's not worth it. Trust me, I've been the girlfriend and found out about the other woman. It's painful for everyone involved especially if the person you trusted whole heartedly is lying about everything they're doing.

Welcome back, sadbuttrue. Do you know what her friends think?

Hi guys, good to see you two!

She's not married to him. She was engaged but it got called off.

The reality is that he doesn't do anything. Hasn't for ages. They've slept in separate beds for years. Nothing to do with me there.

She came over to my house today for the first time. It was my idea, and I hoped that it might help her "see the light" and realise that maybe she doesn't want to be with me after all, in case she is just thinking that I could "fill the hole".

In fact it worked the complete opposite way. She left, and then called me half an hour later saying that she felt "at home" with me, and she felt so relaxed and comfortable and safe.

This is hard.

I am strongly against being with anyone who is in a relationship. That person should have the balls / ovaries to break up with the one they're with first.

I don't know the ages of the children. But I hope that girl has exhausted every option of keeping the relationship together for the children's sake. Also, if the children are old enough, they won't be stupid, they know their mom must have been seeing someone if she's with another man as soon as the ink dries.

Ugh you're absolutely right. I feel so terrible. How selfish am I? I'm a horrible person. Guuuh.

*You* are not the horrible person. Nor are you selfish. We talked about this. You like her. That's not a crime. Just don't let it carry any further and don't let her try to convince you that it's okay because married or not she's still in a relationship with this person.

This really does suck.

I managed to give myself concussion last night by accidentally slamming my face into my bedroom wall.

Anyway - she wouldn't ever get together with me before first finishing with him. She's made that clear and I'm pleased she made that decision. She seems genuinely miserable at the moment as all she wants is a little affection and he seems unwilling to give it to her.

Her predicament is that he is providing the roof over her head at the moment, and without it she has nowhere else to go (and I'm not in a position for her to come to my house - at least not at this short notice).

It's so messed up because she says that she wants to get her own place but she's just not financially capable at the moment. So she's left with no choice but to stay where she is miserable.

I guess with my head still screwed up from the concussion I'm feeling extra-emotional - I just want her to be happy but I think I'm the one who can bring that to her, and she seems to think so too.

Well she's made the right choice and has decided to end any emotional ties she had with me. She did the right thing and has decided to try and make it work in her current relationship.Unfortunately that has left me feeling alone and miserable once again. The only girl who I ever thought actually genuinely liked me back has left me.I feel so horrible after this. I'm going to be alone forever and I can't take it.

Quote:I'm going to be alone foreverThat doesn't logically follow, does it? The fact that you have had relationships shows that there's nothing wrong with you. It's usual to have a few relationships that don't work out before one that does.It's just the depression in your mind trying to fool you.

I'm just going by statistics here.All of my friends my age (and the ones who are younger too) have all had at the very least one successful relationship that has lasted longer than 3 months.I'm 24, still a virgin, with a hell of a lot to offer, yet I haven't had a single "successful" relationship in all my years.And the problem now is that she is gone, out of my life forever, and I honestly don't know how I'd ever meet anyone as awesome as her.So what am I supposed to do? I'll bounce back like I always somehow (I have no idea how) manage to, but this time I have lost what could have been a big part of me, and the future looks more bleak than ever.

Don't worry about it! Cheer up! :laughing:

Life has much to offer.

You'll find someone better. Just don't be so depressed. Try to move on with your life.

Besides, you said it yourself, you have "a hell of a lot to offer".

Just keep on believing that someone exists out there for you.

I do believe someone out there exists for me. But it's her.I am so in love with her it hurts.She woke me up by sending me a really nice (and hot!) photo of herself, and then I got on the computer and found she'd left me a really nice e-mail too.I'm so messed up with all this cos we both know we want each other, and for me it's not an issue but with her situation it gets complicated.I know I should probably just cut contact with her and try to move on, but at the moment cutting contact with her would be like cutting both of my arms off. I just can't do it.It would be so much easier if she didn't like me back, because then I'd be filled with resent and anger, but she does like me back. So instead all I'm filled with is frustration and upset.Oh how my heart aches

Well the situation was brought to a close this morning when she announced (with great pride) her wedding day.And there followed the confession that all I was there for was to make her feel better about herself, and that she only pretended to like me cos she was stressed and I calmed her down.As if it wasn't all dreadfully predictable anyway.And therefore my trust issues with females arise from the depths all over again.

you already said it, cut contact, cut your losses, move on.trust is an issue for everyone, dont trust them so early on, make sure they are what you think they are and not just some cunt whos gold digging or emotion digging or looking for the next best thing.It fine to not trust them 100% in the beginning, hold back and see what develops before you give your heart away.

Well it was 2 months. I guess that wasn't long enough.Getting massive feelings of deja vu from this

dude a girl who is with some1 and has kids.....how old are you man? just curious. if your old i say go for it, if your young take your time lots of girls out there

but then again im no where qualified to give advice cause i get screwed over alot..just wanted to put in my 2 cents

Did you even read through the threads?It might help to do so before replying.

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