Now i know i am not exactly a teen , but this seemed the most appropriate place for this rant and i really need some help because i feel so worthless and down.I just returned home from a dinner with My Parents, which to put it politely was a complete and utter disastor. My Husband got a call half way through the meal so he was occupied for around 30 minutes, to add to it my Parents bought along an Ex Boyfriend (who in there own words is "Everything that my Husband is not,yet should be") and my older Brothers along my older sister. Yet this was just the begining of the action!! I had told my parents that i had some important news, and my intention was to tell them over dinner. Now i wasn't expecting thrilled or even excited, but i was not expecting the reaction that i got either.My mother immediately asked if me getting pregnant was a mistake , which was followed by "well i hope you are planning to get rid of it". I can't say i wasn't hurt by her comments but i managed to fight back the tears. My mum was not however satisfied with this and continued to insult my husband telling him that he was not father material , and that she wished i had married my ex. My Husband didn't say a word, and i was not just going to sit there and allow my mother to abuse him, but this just ended up adding to the drama.After telling my mother that i intended to keep the baby and that i wouldn't even consider an abortion my mother began on my failings and short-comings . I feel like a complete disapointment. I had to sit and listen how i had turned down scholarships to harvard and yale to go to a University in England , and how despite completing a degree, i now have my own business as a wedding planner. My brother who is just slightly older than me is now a Doctor. My Oldest Brother is a very succesful stock broker and my sister is an Economist. I feel like such a failure, my parents are telling me that i am wasting my life, and yet i am so happy in what i do unlike any of my other family. I really love what i do and i wish that my parents could be happy for me and stop constantly putting me down, i just really don't think i can take it any longer!I am normally able to supress my anger and emotions but tonight i don't know why but i lost my composure and ran out of the restaurant crying. I really just don't know what i am dong that is so wrong ? I feel like such a bad person for hating them so much ! but i don't know what else to do i feel completely disheartened. Is there anyway i can mend the broken relationship wih my parents ?I am really sorry its so long i just have so much pent up frustration which i guess is coming out , there really is a lot more but it will save for another day.
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A constant disapointment ...
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hmmm by the words of your post, i take it that you have had a very difficult life with your parents, and if it hasnt always been difficult, then it started to get really bad once u left ur "perfect ex" who im sure u prolly cared for, but in the end knew u didnt love him...i think that its so hard for u, because u've been living in the shadows of ur siblings, trying to be as good as they are... and u finally quit, u went and did the things YOU wanted to do... which is prolly why ur mother resents you soo much, cause u didnt follow along her perfect plan,if you havent already i would suggest talking to her and telling her that your happy as a wedding planner... yea u may not be making 700k a year, but you enjoy life as it is... and if u have talked to her already, then in all honesty she is the one being a bad mother and i hope that you can learn to not follow in her footsteps and to be a stronger and better parent than she is...as a mother you need to accept your child as it is, and not force it to be something that there not, that causes such a loss of creativity and keeps them from being all that they can be, if you have a son, and he's an aspiring artist, dont you want to make him stop and give it up and take up politics? or managing a fortune 500 company? i dont think so, you choose to let him continue to follow his dreams because u want him to achieve the goals HE wants to, which is what makes u a better mother then urs...i think your going to be a great mother cause u have the foundations down so well, once your mom see's that you have a happy family, doing the thing you love, she'll prolly come around, and if she doesnt then hopefully you can keep in contact with her, but do remember... You have a family of your own now, i think it would be better to lose your mother cause she juss hates everything u do, and gain a child and a happy relationship... than to give up the relationship and go have a terrible job, making a shit load of money, but u have nothing of importance to spend it on and u end up being a zombie, working, eating, sleeping.i hope that what i said helped you, its coming from experiences of mine, and from ALOT of books that i've read and i hope that you make the better decision... good day :-)
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Your mother sounds to me like a complete bitch. If it were me, I would be cutting off all contact. I know that culture says you should be mending relationships, but it doesn't seem that your parents see any need to change, and you can do without those sorts of insults. They are bad, I'm sure, for your relationship with your husband, and that's much more important. Not to mention the effect on your self-esteem!
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I really agree with Ineligible. If this is the way your mother always behaves, then I can't really see the point of subjecting yourself to this kind of abuse. It sure sounds to me like you're doing just fine in your life, in being with the person you want to be with and in doing the kind of work you like doing. I can't see any reason you should feel badly about your life. It's just really an unfortunate situation. Perhaps cutting off contact could bring a change later if your mother comes to understand that she needs to change her attitude. Congratulations, by the way, on expecting.
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Your right , there are a lot of things that as much as i want to i cannot forgive my parents for , and i pray every day that i do not end up parenting my family as my parents parented us. My youngest brother now lives with me and my husband and this is probably the biggest resentment that my parents have! He is doing better now , i know i can't improve things overnight but i am hoping that i can get him back to the guy he was before.My income is inimportant , i still look for bargains ( i guess that is the british in me). After twins (as of this mornings appointment) arrive i will be pretty much leaving my business to its own devices in the office and i will be working completely from home. My Husband will also cut back his hours so we can spend more time together. Which is one of the things i want to do so as not to turn into my parents. My children will not have nannys and they definately won't be put into a boarding school.Ineligible : As much as i am desperate to complete axe my parents out of my life i still have the overwhelming urge to love them because they are my parents and i really don't know how to overcome this , any ideas ?
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Cutting off contact with them doesnt by any stretch mean that you dont love them.They are bad for you. You are completely happy in your life and with your husband and the new additions to your family. If your parents cannot see that your life is going how you want it and that you just want them to accept that you are happy, there is no reason you should subject yourself and your family to their poison.Cut off communications for a while, be HAPPY with your family like you really are, and see what happens. If your mother senses something is wrong and is able to communicate with you, that's great. But if she doesn't see that she is in the wrong, then that is too bad for her. She's missing out on being a grandmother and sharing the love of a new family, and that is HER fault. Not yours.
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So you are having a baby with your husband. Both of you are gainfully employed. I see no problem. You aren't 16 and you DID NOT make a mistake with the captain of the football team. I am sure the twins will be thrilled to hear that Grandma's reaction to their expected arrival was "I hope you are going to terminate it." I wouldn't be ashamed of a daughter who was a wedding planner. From what I see, they may not be pulling in 300k, but they are not paupers either (depending on your clientele). I would definitely keep your distance from your mother until the twins are born. Hopefully the "grandma instinct" will kick in soon after birth and she'll come around. Best of luck!
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On a serious note:
I have not called my mother today to apologise and i cannot say i even want to , so think i am just like suggested cut contact and see where she takes it.
Also i called my Husbands mother and told her that she is getting twins , she was over the moon , which was nice , finally an excited grandma ! his father was actually more overjoyed than she was and had to call us up a little while ago after he thought we were just trying to fool him !On a not so serious note:
It seems you are all curious to what wedding planners earn since it keeps coming up . Its actually quite a surprising amount ,but well it really all depends on your clientele and your contacts and who you know and etc. (Well , come on my parents had to have some use. ) The only problem is .... its seasonal , so i can have no work for 2 months and then its like KABOOM phone of the hook because for some weird reason all of these people decide they want to get married.
It is really just a case of orgnization ! and one heck of a lot of post it notes.
Sorry folks but where work is concerned , screw the trees. -
To say what everyone else said, but shorter, FUCK THEM.
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Seems like you've got your life in order. If you love your husband, love your job, and your finances are in order, well then you're living the good life.Your parents think they know what is best for you, although ultimately only you know what is best for you. And, at worst even if you are wrong about everything and your parents are right, it is your life and these mistakes are yours to make. It is not up to your parents to control your life to prevent you from making potential mistakes they see.
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I only read your first post but all I can say is life is to short to go through trying to please other people who aren't going to appreciate you for who you are.Cut off contact for a while and let them realize what they have thrown away. They may come around, they may not. But seek out happiness for yourself not for them. Remember limiting contact does not mean you hate them (maybe you do, maybe you don't) it just means that it what is right for your life.One thing you can do to limit their influence yet keep your distance is just keep the lines of communication open with cards and maybe pic of their grandchild. That might not change anything but you'll know you've done more than your part to give them every chance to change, throughout their lives, without having to put up with their shit. Just remember to go in expecting nothing and maybe one day they will supprise you, they again they may never come around.