im not sure if this should go here or another topic, but ill post it here anyway. i have a very big problem. i am incredibly jealous of my boyfriend. i get so jealous/upset that i get angry and lash out at him, when he has done nothing wrong to me.for example, i was looking thru his cell phone at the pictures he has, and he told me to check his text messages to read one that a mutual friend had sent him. he didnt understand it, so he wanted to see if i could make sense of it. so i was looking for the message and found some from this guy "Bob" i do not know any "Bob" in my life, and was a curious so i checked them out, and i wish i wouldnt have.the messages were "hey, why dont u cum over after work" and "i miss u, call me" etc. i asked him about it, and he took the phone away and deleted all the messages. he said it was someone he messed around with years ago, and that he didnt want anything to do with him.i KNOW that he would never cheat on me or anything, but is it ok to get a jealous of this guy, texting him and instant messagin him a lot? it just realy bothers me. the only reason i can come up with is that "Bob" was with my boyfriend first, and i know that shouldnt matter cause its in the past, and it hurts (literally- my chest aches just thinking about this) me that he still talks to him.this is just one example, there are a lot other things i get jealous over, and some are ridiculous. i feel like i am losing my mind.i don tknow what to do. any help would be really appreciated. i am afriad our relationship will fall apart because of me being so insecure. is it ok that i feel this way? how can i make it stop? thanks guys.
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Jealousy
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For the most part jealousy is due to a person’s own insecurity. But if it has legitimate causes it’s another story.If my husband were still communicating with an ex and keeping it from me, I would leave him. I don't like deceptive people. If he wanted to be friends with her, and she wanted to be friends with me and she seemed cool, that would be one thing. But a secret relationship is not cool.
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I agree. I think the question to ask is why would he be communicating with his ex and keeping it secret?
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he says he didnt tell me because he didnt want me to get mad about him talking to this guy. which makes me think "why would i get mad if there is nothing to be mad about?"
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That still leaves the question of why was he talking to this guy?"I just didn't want you to get upset" is a cop out.
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he said that the guy "bothers" him all the time, and i asked him why he didnt tell him to stop calling and texting him. he said he will now,... but why not before? my bf told me that he doesnt want anything to do with this guy, and doesnt even like him in any way, even as a friend. so i dont understand why he would keep in contact with someone he used to mess around with, especially if he cannot stand the person.