Rock Bottom

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Its been almost two years since I have gradutated high school.I have not done a single thing with myself and I have become very depressed.It all started a little before graduation.My best friend moved away clear across the country.He stopped talking to me before he moved for no reason,He didnt even say goodbye.it broke my heart.then I lose two more best friends because they did sum really messed up stuff and then we became enemys.I'm not the smartest kid in the world so I just said the hell with college.fast forward to a little while later,every day is just worse and worse.I'm never happy,I cry to much,I dont want to get out of bed so i sleep way to much,I'm up all night and asleep all day,I never see my friends or family,I never leave the house,I may leave the house once a week to see my grandma,she has alzhimmers and I try to help her as much as I can,thats another thing that is terrible,I worry so much about every thing.anyways,I have told my mom so many times to take me to the doctors and get depression meds but she never does,shes to lazy to do anything for me.i feel so helpless cause I dont know what to do with no help.Before I was depressed I was happy and funny and very out going,now I just dont care about anything or anyone.I feel ashamed to tell anyone I feel like this,I want help but I just cant bring myself to get out of bed to do anything about this.I really want to start my life but I cant motivate myself to.This stuff is all that I think of and I hate it.Every night before I go to bed I hope I die while I'm asleep to I wont have to wake up and deal with this,I have thought about killing myself but I couldnt do it,Sometimes I wish when I leave the house I'll die in an accident,I feel that its not fair for people I know to die when I'm still here and I no longer want to be.I would trade my life for theres anyday.At this point I dont want help,I just want to die and have it be over with.If anyone has any advice i would really apprecate it.thanks.sorry if anything is mis spelled Im not to great at spelling.

Hey Welcome.. I did some checking and they mikgh have a free clinic in your area....:General Free Clinic InformationBureau of Primary Health Care Health: Service Delivery Sites Bureau of Primary Health Care: Health Care for the Homeless Information Resource Center Health Service Delivery Sites in New York City Free Clinic Directory West VirginiaBluefield Mercer Healthright, Inc.Map Location2203 Bluefield AvenueBluefield , WV Phone #: (304) 327-2410Director: Debra Enigk, Adm. Kathleen Wides, MD, Med. Dir. Charleston West Virginia Health Right, Inc.Map Location1017 Smith StreetCharleston , WV Phone #: (304) 343-7000Director: Patricia H. WhiteClarksburg Health Access, Inc.Map Location104 East Main StreetClarksburg , WV Phone #: (304) 622-2708Director: Kathy WilsonHuntington Ebenezer Medical Outreach ClinicMap Location1660 8th AvenueHuntington , WV Phone #: (304) 529-0573Director: Yvonne L. JonesLogan Logan Health Right Map LocationP.O. Box 1514Logan , WV Phone #: (304) 752-4750Director: T.D. Kiger Morgantown Morgantown Health RightMap Location154 Pleasant St, PO Box 1519Morgantown , WV Phone #: (304) 292-8234Director: Joni CostanteParkersburg Good Samaritan Clinic, Inc.Map Location911 Emerson Ave.Parkersburg , WV Phone #: (304) 422-7357Director: Cynthia Moore Wheeling Wheeling Health Right, Inc.Map Location99 N. Main StreetWheeling , WV Phone #: (304) 233-9323Director: Kathie H. Brown

Tanks Man.. Just concerned for them!

thank u guys.i just don't know what to do or how to start.i told her agian today about taking me to the doctor monday and she said she really will,but i know she wont or i'll just end up sleeping another day away.I just feel embarresed about going to a doctor and telling him im depressed,I also worry that he will say im not and its just a normal thing all teens go threw,but I know its not,I don't want to tell him i think about death all the time.I just don't know what to do anymore.Also,I know nothing about depression meds or how they work,If I get on them will they make me happy?will I stop worring about everything?Will I be moivated to do something with my life?theres so much I wanna do with myself..

yes im 19 and Im a guy.I talked to her about going to the doctor tomarrow and she said she will def call me in for sure because this has been going on for to long.

well,she calledthe docs office a bunch of times today and finally got threw,so tomarrow at three i will be going.

She really dosent care about me but i refuse to sit in this house and miss the appiontment if she decides not to take me.I havent told my dad how i feel but he doesnt know since he dosent live with me but he comes threw for me sumtimes i guess he'll be my back up driver.

we'll my dad and I werent always on good terms,he tried to controll me all my life with every thing.force me to do things I didnt want to do,like sports,they dont intrest me at all,he use to make me play sports for a few years,force me to go to church and do things I didnt want to.But during the past few years we have become a little more closer and he has given me my space.I just never really felt close with him.I think I'd be closer with him if he didnt remarry.I dont like his wife at all,she really is the worst person I have ever met,I belive that she controlls him,She takes care of my grandparents and my grandmas the one with the alzhimmers but my dad lets his wife do whatever and she trys to tell me and my brother what to do.I might be able to tell him but the thing is I dont really want other people to know Im so uhhappy and on medicine.He and my mom both tend to say to much.

Okay,got home from the docs today,he got me on Lexapro.said come back in 8 weeks and it will take around 7 to 14 days before it works.i had to take a test and scored a 71 which is severe depression,i felt so dumb while taking it,one question said "I enjoy looking/Talking to men/women." and i picked not to often because at this point i dont care about sex or anything but he didnt say anything about it which is good cause i would have felt like an idiot.i really hope this works,i feel alot better that i got this together and got help.

Glad to hear that there has been a postive step, one good tip is to do 20 minutes of exercise a day, along with the anti depressents as the exercise will also lift your mood and make the medication more effective.

Thank U all for ur support.It is nice to know people care.I plan on getting in shape and I want to work out,lift and run alot.I hope this medicine gets me feeling good about myself so I can motivate myself.Im going to start looking for a job as well,I have an idea of where Id like to work.Not sure about college though,maybe in the summer,I dont know yet.

Well,I have been taking my medication for the past three days and the side affects are kicking my ass.I have constipation, I cant ejaculate.I lose erections and I have no sex drive at all.I'm only 19 and that is terrible for me.One day it took an hour to ejaculate,then last night i masturbated for over 2 hours and I finally gave up since I couldnt ejaculate.I finally ejaculated today after almost 30 mins.I also have Nausea every second of the day.My knees are weak and My hands terremble.Then two nights ago I finally threw up so I havent been on it since then,I dont want to take this anymore so I guess I will have to get on a diffrent perscription of something.I should have known this would happen,I can never get a break.

**It can take 2-4 weeks for your body to get used to the medication, if the symptoms carry on after a month, then go back to your doctor, but they should start easing off after a week or so......don't get disheartened. **

Hi Coys, I read your post. It will get better, I know it helps me to talk to someone and tell them my problems. For whatever reason that helps me. Just don't keep your thoughts bottled up inside you if you know what I mean. Well if you need someone to talk to your welcome to talk with me. Well hope things get better soon.

I hope it gets better,I havent been feeling like throwing up anymore,the only problem is i cant ejaculate and I have no sex drive at all,nothing turns me on.
yesterday i tried twice to masturbate and I couldnt keep an erection.this is terrible.
I dontknoe what to do.I hope this shit dosent last long.

It will get better my friend

Well I can ejaculate most of the time now,For sum reason hearing or seeing guys orgasem turns me on more.but as for being happy I still feel the same.I have applied for a job and maybe soon I will have a job.

thats good to hear. nothing wrong with being turned on or thinking of guys when u masturbate. It is more common than u think. Keep that chin up dude. Hopefully the job thing will bring great rewards with it for u. Keep me posted on how u go ok?

sumtimes i feel good and then alot of time i feel real unhappy.there are times when i feel like really high on life and it only lasts a short time.hopefully i will feel that high all the time.still no word on the job,im not sure i really want it.

yea ive been on depression medication for over two weeks now,we talked about it a while ago.

I feel like my medicine is not working for me,I still feel angry,unmotivated,sad and worthless.I take my pill before bed,i think while Im sleeping its working but since Im asleep I cant feel it.I may start takin it in the day time.Anyways My dad stoped over and bitched me hardcore,he dosent know Im on medicine and I am depressed,he told me to cut my hair and get a job at a fast food place,Im 19 and hes tryin to force that shit on me.I dont wanna cut my hair and I dont want a job at fast food,id like to work with animals but he wont get off my back.he says hes going to drive me around town EVERYWHERE and ask for a job,He has done alot of stupid shit and I dont get how he can try to tell me what to do when I am 19 and not like him at all.I understand hes worried but he really needs to back off.After he left I was PISSED,I have never been so angry before in my entire life,I was cryin my head off and started breaking stuff in my room,I punched my self in the head 4 times and put a small hole in the wall.man I just dunno what to do..anyone have any suggestions???