I feel like I'm fading...

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I just don't feel like myself... I feel like I'm having to try to hard... things shouldn't be like they are. I'm so tired of everything. I feel like I'm fading into the background, like no one cares, like I'm not wanted. I feel lost. I don't know, I' rambling and I'm probably not making any sense. I just need to vent I guess.I go to bed every night wanting only to wake in the morning reaching for someone who isn't there, someone who was never there to begin with. It's like a bitter sweet dream that keeps sliping through my fingers like sand. The more I reach the more I stumble, and the faster I fall. Sometimes it feels like I'm standing in a crowded room bareing my soul and no one notices me, no one is there to grab my hand; no one is there to wipe my tears away.Even as I sit here typing this, the keyboard under my finger tips, I am alone. Only the shadows of things that used to be are what stands with me. I feel so empty, almost as if a part of me is missing. I dream of the day I can feel whole again. Will it ever happen? Sometimes I dream of Prince Charming riding in on his white horse and taking me far away from this, of him healing my broken heart. But there is no prince and there is no white horse or riding into the sunset. Only the shadows and the coldness that surrounds me. There is no one to catch me, no one to sooth this pain inside. Only a whispered dream that I feel I'll never get to hold in my hands.Right now I just feel lost.... it'll be better in the morning.

You said it best yourself, you feel alone. Ive found that we tend to feel this way more at night during the day. The day is always easier to deal with thing, but when it gets dark out, uh o. You get very sensiteive and very analytical. You're not alone Katie Lou, i promise you that. I often feel that way. I find it hard to belive that no one cares about u or youre not wanted. Alot of times we over look the most obvious people that care about us because we take it for granted. Hang in their, dont take for granted what you have. look at it this way, someone out there always has it ALOT worse than you do. Be grateful you have your health, your inteligence, and i bet you have a very caring family. be grateful for what you have and dont make that mistake some people do by taking it for granted. I promise you things will get better, you just have to stay strong, for you, and the people who care deeply for u.

Been there many times myself. It goes away eventually if you can just get thru till then. that faded feeling comes and goes in every ones lives. Thank god its not permenant.

A lot of people feel alone, I feel alone sometimes in a house full of kids and noise............it happens to everyone, and you have to deal with it..........cos it will pass.You seem to think sis that a man in your life, a knight in shining armour, will make everything alright...........a man, a relationship, brings with it its own problems and hurts. You have a family that loves you, you have friends that love you, you are not alone, but its ok to feel like that sometimes.I hope you are feeling better when you read this...........if you need to talk to someone sis, im here you know that cuddles

Sweetie, it's normal to feel lonely at times. Though I have Adam and friends that love me. I even feel a lone at times and feel like people just don't understand me. It can get very difficult. What helps me is just thinking of my friends who lvoe me and support me and think about the future and how I am striving for something better.You're an awesome person, and I think the world of you. Wish ic ould be there to give you the support in person. AS Angel said, if you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you. huggles

It's really not that I think a man will make everything better in my life because I know it wont. I know that I don't have to be in a relationship to function normally, I really don't need a man to make me happy. Hell I've gone two years without being in a "relationship" and I've been realitivaly fine so far. I guess I'm just feeling lonely because an ex-boyfriend has managed to force his way back into my life (someone I don't even want to be around because of how shitty he treated me), and one of my best friends just moved away again. I'm just feeling a little lonely right now. I know it'll pass, but there are times I think it'll never go away. I just... I don't know.

awww sis i really didn't mean to imply you were that nieve (sp?) that you would think a man would solve everything, but reading back it did come out that way sorry hon! If you don't want anything to do with your ex, then don't have anything to do with him, how has he forced his way back into your life?

I know you didn't mean it that way sweetie ^_^ I re-read what I wrote and I agree, it did sound that way even though I didn't mean for it to lol *hugs*

He started comming back around my work, calling me, basically just trying to reinstate himself back into my life when I'm not ready for that just yet. I've tried being strait forward with him, tried being mean, and he still hasn't got the hint. My second oldest brother has even told him off before (it upset me the way he did it, but he still did it) and that didn't work either because he still came back around. He came to my work lastnight to show me his new piercing and then he got all pissed at me because I already knew about it (for some strange reason everyone that we used to hang around with thinks they need to update me on 'his' life).

thats such a shame that the situation you are in means that you share the same friends etc!And its even worse that he doesnt GET IT LOL that you don't want anything to do with him..............honestly men are so annoying sometimes (sorry all the men folk i like )I wish i could give ya a big cuddle, have a big dressing up/make-up session and go and hit the nearest bar for a good nite out that would be totally awesome

That would be lovely sis, that really would be lots of fun ^_^

I just got a phone call from my friend Asia (she's at college in Ohio) and she said she was comming home for spring break next month and she asked if I'd like to go to San Antonio with her for a few days... I really think I'm going to go too! It'd be a great way to take a break from things and clear my head a bit. I told my family about it and they don't want me to go... well it's not thier choice now is it? I need a break, I need some time off... I think I'm going to go. Hopefully I can talk my boss into letting me off for a bit... I really hope so! I need this...

Aww I hope your boss lets you go katieness. It will be good for you! You are a great person, I don't think anyone could ever find fault with you! It will get better in time. I think everyone has been through a phase like that.. and it is really shitty when it's happening to you, I know I felt like I just wanted to crawl under my covers and stay there, never get up again!!! You have a lot of friends around you and we all love you... so you know where they all are if you need to talk

You have to go hon, not only is a change as good as a rest, so they say, but it will be great to see your friend again, kick back and enjoy. Your family are worried about you travelling alone etc, which is understandable, but stick to your guns Sis and go, you will regret it if you don't.................cuddles

Feeling empty is a preperation for a new level of experience. We cannot know how long we must remain empty, we cannot control or see ahead the things that we will find. We can submit our restlessness, we can admit we are weary and in doing this we open ouselves to others who feel the same.In this circumstance you are powerless, the only option you have right now is to accept and know you feel this way. I tell you truthfully when you tyurn a corner with this period perhpas the one thing you can regret is how much worry and despair you attached to feeling this way, You dont have to have an answer to anything, ultimately we all learn we control nothing. I can offer no quick fix or magic answer but i can say i wish you find peace in accepting feeling lost, i would be interested in hearing about your creative skills it is very clear you ahve a creative personality. Take Care.

1. That is the most fatalistic, powerless, erroneous statement I have read in quite some time.2. That thread is dead.

It is i agree somewhat airing to fatalism, however that word is encoded is a semantic that functions as a specific semiotic in your culture, your energetic defense tells me a mast amount of information, in the circumstance of this situation i believe my position was akin to taking the right tool out of the bag at the right time. It in not a perspective i would thake with others nor with the same person in different circumstances, its not all or nothing, its a balancing act, sorry your such an angry loose cannon.

Please tell me where you got "angry loose cannon" out of my post.

It was actually pretty even keeled and straight forward.
Sorry you didn't like my response.