Stalker? or just heartbroken?

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Well this might take a while, but I would REALLY appriciate the input! As you all (know I think)..I am single again. I am actually finally getting comfortable with being in my house alone with just my kids. No room mates, no boyfriend just me and kids.BF actally left way back in April, but we continued to see each other off and on for months. And I also had Mom in law live here for a while and another family stay for a while, so my house was busy ALL the time until Dec..Then it was just me and kids, and BF almost every night.Well, I finally broke up with him for many reasons, but the biggie was that he just doesn't see things the way I do, and NO AMOUNT of explaining can get him to at LEAST see my side, I even backed down to "no agreement needed", on almost ALL issues. Just simply, Im me, your you, I will be me, you be you. Trouble with that was, he didn't understand THAT either, he was always trying to change me anyway, and complaining that things were ALWAYS my way...I would just tell him, this is what I am going to do..you choose whether or not you want to do it too. You can do something else if you wish, No PROBLEM with me!Seems simple right? Well, he would do "my thing" because it meant being with me...and of course that was where the anger came from him...I DID do things he liked too, not that I was SO selfish, but general life had to happen too...like being home for my kids, so that lead to "boring eves at home"...so on and so forth.Anyway, I finally broke up with him a month ago. He has since tried to stay in contact with my kids. His daughter and my daughter go to school together, so he will send his daughter in in the mornings and have her bring mine out so he can say hi, and how much he misses her.I don't REALLY like it, but my daughter doesn't mind, and besides, he's been in their life for 1 1/2 yrs...he is just well...a gomer, not a BAD man...(at this point anyway)2 weeks after the break up he calls, I end up really having to GRIND it in that I am done with the relationship, that I want him to leave my kids alone, that they have permission to contact him, if they choose.To the point that I told him that if I caught him driving by my house I would slap a restraining order on him (I am on a private road, its trespassing as soon as he hits the dirt)I also owe the guy for a loan. And he bought me a cell phone last year, with a 2yr plan. SOO the arrangements on the loan and phone were $35 per month, and I offered to pay for the remaining yr on the cell $40ish a month. I also offered to send him an additional $75 per month to pay off the loan faster. He agreed.Well not more than a week later (Saturday before Valentines) he shuts off the phone, transfers the # to a different phone. I find out WHILE I AM AT WORK...my oldest (almost 13)calls ALL freaked out that he knows that they are home alone that the little one (almost 9) tried to call me and got him instead. I had to hire a babysitter on the spot...He also interrogated the little one, with, where's mom? why are you calling her? who is she with? I miss you, I love you, how come I don't hear from you, Does mom go out often? When she does, with who....bla bla bla.I wasn't SO ticked over the phone thing, but REALLY ticked over the interrogation. Losing the phone helped break the ties. BESIDES, I found out he was tracking me by looking at my phone calls online ( I don't get service at my house only when I am out).Then I get Valentines Day cards for my girls the day after V Day...I choose NOT to give them to the girls, instead I write him a GET THE POINT letter and put the unopened cards into it, and return all his stuff that I have been gathering up around here. Just dropped it off while he was at work.I also gave him my yahoo email, so he could give me a copy of the the credit card info that I will be paying off..He just sends me a number...like "APR 28.67%" SO...I write back with...I want proof!, What part of *highlight do you NOT understand?" and highlighted the part in the email before. His response was "Then come pick it up".I think he just wants to see me again, and will use that to do so...He is also not leaving my friends alone about, who, what, when, where, I am...Do I just sit back make the min payments, and when I have more send it,, so that it's over sooner? I wish I was scummy enough that I didn't feel obligated to pay him back..sigh..I would LOVE to post the letter I dropped off, so if anyone wants to see it I will, just that the rest is so long winded..I just REALLY want to know if I should worry as bad as I am that he is a stalker...I know you guys don't know him. I just gave you the facts...SOOO???? Any input would be appriciated..

If it were me in this situation, this is how i would role. I would get a lawyer and work out a way to get rid of all debts with him. This way he has no reason to contact you on that basis. As far as the kids. i am not too sure but are any of the kids his? because if they arent then tell him to stop talking to them. I think it will cause way to many future problems. Now he has absolutely no reason to talk to u. If he still does, go to the proper authorities and get a restraining order. this way its on file and anything happening in the future will legally go your way. thats what i would do

Jen he was well out of order with the call to the kids. the phone, well i would feel like you did, another tie broken, but hes taking it all a bit far.Two weeks is still pretty soon for this to sink in for him it seems, but there is no excuse for his behavior.Personally i would try and borrow the money i needed to pay him back in full, so i didn't have to have any contact with him, and then if things didn't improve i would go to either a solicitor or someone like that and get a letter sent out to him threatening him with a restriction order, and if that didn't work, go through with it. You did threaten you would, and you have to show him you mean it. Its wrong that he is not letting this go, and even worse that he is involving the kids in something that is between the two of you. You are strong enough to do whatever you need to to get him off your back, If you need to rant i'm here, we all are, feel free. cuddles

Personally he sounds like a board line stalker. I'd keep your eyes and ears open and if you begin to feel unsafe I'd get the restraining order, if for nothing else but the safety of your children.As for the credit card, I would see about getting a loan for the amount charged and have it paid directly to the company, this way all your ties are severed from him.

I agree! A loan would work, but THE ONLY reason for the loan from HIM was I don't really have access to that $ through any other means, my dad COULD loan it but he thinks I should just blow it off, soo...It is all on me. I also Cant get him to give me the company either!!! It will go in a money order or cashiers check, copied, return receipt requested...yada yada yada, directly to him. He REALLY has been told to back off...Do you want to see the letter I dropped off?

Hmm... well maybe explain to your father that you want to do the right thing and plus don't feel safe with the way he's (your ex) has been acting and wish to loan the money. Maybe that will help?You’re in a difficult situation and I agree on doing the right thing by paying him back the money that was borrowed. Maybe with your income tax check you'll have the extra money to pay it off? Just a thought.And good thinking about getting the money orders and cashier checks copied for your records... I don’t know I just get this bad feeling he might still try and come back saying you didn't pay. I just wish I had more advice to give you. When it comes to this loan, you're kind of stuck. Hope something pans out for you.

Dad knows, he's the one that gave me the morals...sigh, BUT he knows that I bent over BACKWARDS for the guy just so he could F with me.....Here is the letter! Firm enough?...........................................................Maybe I shouldn't be wasting my time on this. I doubt you'll really get it.... I already don't celebrate Valentines Day because it makes no sense to me to have a day where everything is "special" for lovers. Everyday should be, or don't bother. Not that EVERY day is perfect, but when the only day that is for a romantic dinner, buying cards, so on and so forth is that day, or "marker" days in a year, it sickens me. NOW you bring this idea in with my children! THAT IS SO FUCKED UP! First of all, I want to tell you that I have NOT told my girls that they can't call or see you. In fact I told them that they are welcome to if they want. However...If you EVEN cared an INKLING about them the way an adult should.You would have NOT shown up at the school and called (my oldest) out...Which I beleive you lied about, or (***his daughter) lied about to you..You would NOT have interrogated (little one) on the phone the other day.You would NOT have shut off the cell. That is their "lifeline" to me when I am gone.Shutting it off isn't what PISSED me off. Shutting it off without ACTUALLY discussing it with me did..Then to Fucking screw with my kids head like you did!!! A REAL man, would have thought about what it would do to the kids, a REAL man would of just left the phone shut off if he still had to be an asshole, a REAL man would have called and made arrangements WITH THE ADULT in the house, not FUCKED with the kids! You have really Fucked up any chance with this family. I was upset on the phone the other night, but I was still willing to work on the business stuff with you, which if all went well, friendship could have still been an option. I am not willing to anymore. You will get what is needed for me to do the right thing and that is it. On that note also, you SCARED the crap out of both my girls. (little one) felt backed into a corner with you, then I got a phone call from (my oldest). Had to get someone here so they felt ok, just so I could finish my Fucking day at work!!!! Don't contact us. We'll contact you, as needed. Really, what (his roommate) told you New Years Eve, was the best advice anyone coulda gave you..."grow up, or you will never have a relationship that lasts". And remember, your only lonely when your alone because your in shitty company. jenn ????? Does any further contact from him Constitute harassment?

Post the letter you dropped off honey...Do you owe him a lot of money? How long is the soonest you could pay the whole lot off? I wouldn't be comfortable about giving him the money and not paying it directly to the company - he could then say that you haven't paid it all off and there would be no solid proof that you have.It's a bit creepy about him interrogating your kids, they don't deserve that. How do they feel about things? edit: Was writing this as you posted the letter. It is a strong letter.. be careful that there are no comebacks from it. He might realise what a prick he is being and retaliate..... the truth hurts.

About 1200...2 to 3 months...Just finalized bankruptsy, but I get 1099 ed, I'm "self employed". Until my "boss" gets her books together with her taxes, I don't have the proof of income I need to go get a loan on my own...I know there are rules that she should have gotten that to me already, but hmm, great job...great people... AND busy..so...I am patient on that..but in light of this, I might just get a little pushy..lol

In reply to your edit...lol...I know it was strong, but he wasn't getting it with a "gentler version" I HATE to have to step up and "go bitch" on ANYONE!!!! Was actually hard to drop off.. :frowning:

Well I think it is a "to the point" letter. It has got to make him open his eyes a bit! Sometimes when they aren't listening or taking what is being said seriously, a shock to the system will do them good and hopefully make him back off a bit...cuddles

Have you considered taking out a loan? It might be best to pay back the money to a bank rather then that asshole!

Yes,I have. Explaination posted about 3 posts up. Anyway, I agree with everyone that I need to get rid of the debt..ASAP..then I suppose if he doesn't back off, I will have to go to the authorities.
Where do I find em? I divorced one like this...well ACTUALLY alot worse. but GRRRR!

Its all bullshit.
I mean that in your favor not his.
did you have a written contract on the loan?
if not your simply screwed but still can sue it against him, you just have no proof but its still considered in court.
Call the police, tell them what happened and that you hired a sitter because you don't feel safe with the kids being there when your not. tell them what happened and FILE A REPORT.
Ask them on how to file a restraining order.
Its easy, you just have to ask them so that it appears in the report that you did so and that way it goes further into getting it.
You head to the court house and file one, its automatically in effect and they will set a date for when a hearing. If he doesn't show its a permanent order, if he does show he can contest it and fight it and a judge will rule on if its valid.
I went thru this on my divorce a few years ago and fought and won the restraining order. I had no need to talk to the bitch I simply didn't want that on the record when we went to court on the actual divorce that she had gotten one because I'm a menace and unsafe because that goes against me in seeking my children.
If I understand this its your kids and not his right?
He has no right to contact them and it actually illegal to do so. If they were his he has the right to contact them and can only contact you when its to do with the children and visitation arrangements.

Its my opinion that hes a stalker. Maybe not a going to kill you and make a woman suit from your skin stalker but a stalker none the less and the things you stated fall under anti stalking laws so for legal reasons its stalking even if you don't really see it that way.
I would'nt put up with the shit, kill the situation now even if he is only heartbroken you never know where this shit is gong in the future and that piece of paper wont protect you but it does give you something to fight back with if he is calling and driving by and stuff like that.

I know far too much info on this from having fought one that was enacted just because of a divorce with no evidence that i did anything to deserve a legal document against me. I won and even after that never went near the bitch.
The biggest thing here is to make a record of what happens and have it for ammo in the future if he doesn't stop its called harassment and the reasons and severity behind it are irrelevant to the law, either way its illegal, don't let it go many girls have thought it was heartbreak and one near me ended up being kidnapped form her parents house after he tied her parents to a chair and shot them both. after that he took her and her kids called the cops they found him several hours later on the freeway and after a chase he wrecked and shot himself in the head. she was beat up pretty bad and locked in the trunk when it was opened.
Your situation may never end up like that but who the hell really knows despite what you may believe about what hes capable of?
Don't risk it, deal with it now.

Thanks, That does put a new spin on it...And I DO know how to get restraining orders,(my ex husband IS a wacko) REALLY long story, but what HE did was WAY worse than this, so I just felt unclear as to lines..What I am going through now seems so mild as to what I went through before.Thanks guys...I really appriciate the input!

It may be mild by comparison. Think of it this way, if I steal a car I get the same punishment for it if its a corvette, a viper or a pinto wagon. its all grand theft auto. It may well be milder then what you dealt with before but it is still illegal. The order isn't hard to get but still ask the cops about it simply because it puts one more statement in your case as it has to be in the report that you asked about it and that they instructed you on it. If anything happens in the future and you end up in court with him over this shit then its one more piece of evidence against him. It establishes that you were scared and the cops informed you that this is how you fight it it proves state of mind before seeking the order.its legal bullshit but since I am passing the information on to you about it, use it to your advantage.good luck, no one needs to put up with that sort of shit.

TY!

I hate to bring this back! But I get to go psycho bitch now!

I have a friend who's husband is an Officer. If he ACTUALLY contacts me or my kids, I can go get a restraining order. Emails are good, there is a record at that point. Even for the loan.

Also, he ISN"T getting it!! But as far as I know it is only on email. Not going to the school and such anymore.

My last email to him was, Im tired of the B.S. either send me what I need or I won't pay. Do not contact for any other reason. Or I will file a restraining order.

He wants me to SEE him in order to get the documentation...GRRRRR!!!
Why the heck don't some people just GET IT!

I'd play it on the safe side that if you see him in person I wouldn't do it alone. Take your father with you or another male figure. I wouldn't even tell him you are bringing someone else with you this way he cannot say "Well you're not getting the documentation unless you are alone" bull. Just something to think about.

I am NOT going to see him at all! There is US mail, internet, fax...too much technology to HAVE to see him. If he wants the $ then he will send it. I think I may have finally got him to stop the harassment. crosses finggers