I'm going to miss her...

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When I came home from work lastnight my father sat down beside me and told me that my Nanny (my grandmother) wasn't doing too well. She's been sick for a while now but within the last few weeks she's been going down hill very quickly. My father asked if I'd like to go and see her with him and my mum and the first thought in my head was no... I didn't want to see her in this condition, but my actual responce was "yes, I've got to go see her." When I walked into her bedroom the first thing I saw was a frail little old lady lying in my Nanny's bed... that couldn't possibly be my Nanny, it didn't even look like her. I just stood in the doorway for a little while so I could calm myself before I actually went in to see her. I got to her bed side and I grabed her hand and whispered "I love you" in her ear and then I just started crying. So many memories started swirling through my head... shelling peas on the front porch... watching Abot and Costello(ms) with her in her bed till all hours of the morning... walking into her house on a sunday afternoon asking her where her funnies were... her singing to me as she curled my hair... her telling me about all the silly things she did when her Uncle Frank came to town (hopping trains and such)... taking pictures with her on junior prom night... eating dinner with her on my high school graduation night... every memory just hit me in the face full force and all I could do was cry. I know it sounds stupid and childish, but as I sat down beside her all I wanted her to do was sit up in her bed and stroke my hair and sing to me like she did when I was a little girl. But instead it was me stroking her hair and whispering things in her ear, telling her how much I loved her. After a while I had to go home because I couldn't stand to see her like that... I went back today to see how she was doing, and it's still the same. They don't expect her to make it to the weekend. I just sat there and held her hand. She didn't look at me, she couldn't say anything, but I think she knew I was there because she'd squeeze my hand everytime I said "I love you." I'm going to miss her, I really am. Sorry about posting such a depressing thing, but I needed to talk about (and since no one is home right now I thought I'd talk about it here).

*big hugs* Sorry to hear about your grandmother sweetie. It's so difficult to watch someone in such a state. But you'll always have those awesome memories to remind you of her, which is the best gift she could have ever given you!

**I'm so sorry. Sis, don't you dare apologise for posting this, we love you, your my sister in sooo many things. I think its wonderful that you got to spend some time with her, and said what you needed to say. Its so very sad when you lose a grandparent, they are precious, made more so since we don't seem to get to spend that much time with them........My Gran died a couple of years ago now, and we always celebrate her life on her birthdays, mothers day, and I had her picture on the table at my wedding, she was there with us i know it.

She knows how much you love her, and i don't beleive people who die, ever truly leave us. **

So sorry about your grandmother. hugs

Im very sorry to hear that. If you ever need to talk you know what to come

my grandpa died earlier then we expected but at least I'm glad i said goodbye and you should be glad that you said goodbye too.

Reading your post, you sound very close to your grandmother. Your very lucky to have that with your family and that will stay with you forever. When you have family like that they mould you as you grow up and form a part of you and thus by living you continue there legacy, they live on as part of you. So you keep living and keep growing, and your grandma, and all your family, live on with you. The greatest gesture of love you can do your family, and those who shaped you and made you who you are, is to live on, taking them with you.

My family has always been very close, that's one of the reasons I'm very big on being there for family and friends. I usually say we put the 'fun' in disfuncutional (which is very true) lolMy grandmother's health started declining after my grandfather died nearly 7 years ago (he died on my 13th birthday). They had been together for 50 years, and they were the loves of each other's lives. It's very hard to watch someone you love dearly die as well as watch your family members mourn for that loved one. I know I have been blessed, and I'm glad I still have a little time left with her. I know that death is another part of life, and instead of mourning our loss, we should celibrate each memory, each hug and kiss, each phone call, each and every moment we were allowed to have with our loved ones. It's going to be hard, but I know we'll pull through. The only thing that I know will be the hardest to do is singing at her funeral when the time comes, which is something she asked of my sister, my mum, and me many years ago and I'm going to honor that wish. Thank you all so much, it means alot to me that there are people out there who care. Thank you hugs

OKay I understand this is a very sad subject but come on peeps pick the attitude up. Katie your grandma was probably very happy to have you go see her, that means a lot for a grandma to see her grandchildren. If ya need to make fun of you, you know how to get ahold of me.

I regret not being there for either of my grandmothers. It's very good that you have been able to share some of her last days; and very good that you have such happy memories of her. Your closeness makes it so much more painful and harder to bear, but it's worth it.

Katie you are amazing. What I saw in your post was bravery and selflessness. I understand how difficult it is to see your Grandmother like that and how your instincts are to do the easy thing - like go somewhere else. But you didn't do that. You are sticking with her and spending time with her and doing for her all of these sweet things that she used to do for you. You are giving her more than you can possibly imagine. And in the long run you're giving to yourself. I think you're doing this right. But it's hard, isn't it? Hang in there, my friend. As much as this sucks, life is progressing and you are growing.

I had sat and watched my grandparents from both sides die slow painful deaths in hospitals and at home and what I can tell you is that it fucking sucks for everyone involved, for you and for them.I wont tell you about how soon shes going to be in a better place, as a non believer I cant say all of that. what I can tell you is this.Warren Zevon died a bit ago and he knew for a long time he was going to die and wanted to get one last album recorded before he went. All the songs on it have alot of meaning but he wrote one to his fans for all the years, its about him, but really its about everyone who's left behind after a loved one dies. Its odd that I came across your post when I was just listening to that song......... Keep Me In Your HeartShadows are falling and I'm running out of breathKeep me in your heart for awhileIf I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any lessKeep me in your heart for awhileWhen you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sunKeep me in your heart for awhileThere's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and doneKeep me in your heart for awhileSha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-loKeep me in your heart for awhileSha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-loKeep me in your heart for awhileSometimes when you're doing simple things around the houseMaybe you'll think of me and smileYou know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouseKeep me in your heart for awhileHold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreamsTouch me as I fall into viewWhen the winter comes keep the fires litAnd I will be right next to youEngine driver's headed north to Pleasant StreamKeep me in your heart for awhileThese wheels keep turning but they're running out of steamKeep me in your heart for awhileSha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-loKeep me in your heart for awhileSha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-loKeep me in your heart for awhileKeep me in your heart for awhilewritten by Warren Zevon & Jorge Calderón It may not mean a damned thing to anyone who reads or hears it that wasnt a Zevon fan, but it means a great deal to me, maybe it will to you as well.EDIT:I found the video should you care to see it, there is also a few other Zevon songs there. Zevon is the artist everyone knows, but noone has ever heard of. Keep Me In Your Heart

I'm sorry sweetie. I think every one else has said it all. I have been where you are, Granny I wasn't around, and Grampa Deege(his name is George, but my daughter couldn't pronounce it right) I was SOOO greatful to be able to say good bye. tearful hugs I know your pain.

I feel very sorry hearing this and I share your pain. Losing a dear family person is really hard.I've also lost my grandmother before a year. The sad thing was that she was in a terrible condition when I last saw her. But I pretended to be calm and optimistic, because I should give strength to her. Of course, this was really hard for me and after the visit I was crying for all day...

Kat, my sweet, I'm sorry.I also feel bad that we haven't managed to be in touch so much in the last week or so.I'll be travelling again this week (Virginia) but please call me any time if you feel up to it. I'll even hang up and call you back because I can afford the long distance.xoxoxox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

those words were beautiful chance, i think they will mean something to anyone who has lost someone close.

She died this morning around 3 am

hugs sorry to hear that darlin. I am glad you were able to see her before she passed and let her know how much you loved her. She's at peace now, dalrin. hugs

OMG I'm so sorry darlin cuddle my thoughts are with you and your family

Why is everyone sorry? Kat, I loves ya and I understand how you are feeling, but I am not sorry she passed. Think about she lived a long life and in her last moments got to see her family. So do you think she is going to remember that or any pain she felt?