OK by now you probably all hate me or something, but it's time for me to reach out again cos I'm having problems.It's been about a year and a half since my ex dumped me, but I STILL can't get her out of my head.She comes and sees me at work every couple of weeks for no apparent reason, and never has anything important to say.It's horrible though, cos I just can't move on from her, despite all the crap I've gone through about it all.The other day she came to work trying to annoy me by saying she'd bought a new phone from a rival company to mine. I didn't really care. but she did say "You'll have to come over at some point cos we need to have a talk"She never contacted me after that (almost 2 weeks ago now).I don't know what I can do to get her off my mind. All the time I'm thinking about her, and the things we used to do that I miss so much, and then I get to thinking about how she's probably sleeping with some other guy at that exact moment and it brings me to tears.What can I do to get this over with?
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It's back to haunt me
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The way it sounds she is acting like she cant live with out you... Romance may not be what she wants from you though. Just wants you to be the friend who is there. If you are superman and have balls of steel, go pay her a visit. She will be suprized you remembered and think its flattering. Remember the show FRIENDS. Ross and rachel were on and off. She usually had a boyfriend but eneded up leaving him to run back to ross.
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Other people have said the same thing you did...but I don't think it's true. I just think she's totally messed up in the head.If I went and paid her a surprise visit, she'd get really angry with me and stuff. It's just the way she reacts. I don't get it.Thing is, I really wanna be with her, but I can't take everything that I'm going through with it at the moment. Argh!
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If you think she will get mad about popping over give her a call and have some small chat. If she says the same thing as b4 or sumting in those lines, like come over and see blah blah blah. Thats a second invtie. That would be good enough for me
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I have to disagree, CoolHandLuke. She sounds manipulative and, frankly, not that nice. She doesn't sound like she wants someone there for her, she wants a toy to play with. sadbuttrue, you need to get away from her. She's playing games and they're all on her terms. It's not easy, but try not to let her keep that much control over you.Throw yourself into work if you have to. Go out more so you could meet new people. The more distracted you are, the less you'll be thinking of her or letting her get in your head again. Pick up a new hobby, even! If you don't go to the gym, start going if you can. You need to meet new people (not necessarily a new love).If she shows up at work again, tell her flat out you don't have time, you're busy and you need to get your work done. If she's calling you up on your mobile, set her number to a different ring so you know it's her before you even check the ID and let it go to voice mail.
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She'd get annoyed if I called her too...but I can't call her anymore anyway. Like I say she'd bought a new phone and while she claims she was gonna give me the number, she never did.
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Why don't you try taking some of the advice that has been offered to you?You're not just gonna get over her like that. Tell her to stop coming around, you've moved on and so has she.. let her get the hint and find someone new.
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I can't very easily stop her from coming to a public place like my shop.She never comes round my house - that's not a problem. But I can't stop her from coming into the shop (at least not without an actual legitimate reason)If it were that easy, i'd have done it long ago.
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i feel you man. Im in the exact same situation. She still text messages me once a day asking me where i am if im not in class...and she called me yesterday....and i cant stop thinking about her every day either no matter how hard i try, i also miss her, the great times we had, the sex, but then i get to thinking shes probably sucking off and fuckin other guys by now anyway. Shes notorious for being a party girl.All i can say is you have to get her off your mind or you will never get over her, which is my case. Go out, meet new people, Like mentioned, going to the gym helps A LOT. Everytime i think about her, i used to go and i would feel great afterwards. Except im also lazy so i dont go half the time. Maybe take a vacation with some buddieis or go to a club/casino for a change...anything to get your mind off her.
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Why don't you just tell her flat out to "Get the fuck out of your life!".. Tell her not to visit you, not to talk to you, not to call you, to stay away, that you are not interested in her and have no desire to even speak to her. Quit being this nice guy to her. For once in your life be an asshole. Until you do this and she quits "stopping by" you will not get her out of your head and you can't move on. Step up to the plate and be a man.
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Good advice!
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OK, I have work today. If she comes in, then I'll give her what for.
I think her sister may have passed the message on though, cos I'm good friends with her and mentioned it.
We'll see though. -
You go buddy.. Good luck
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Awesome! Let us know how it goes.
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I know exactly where you are comming from. I'm actually in the same position right now with an ex.
I'll give you a little back ground on my situation.
The only diffrence between our situations is that my ex is gay so there is no possible way for us to go back to what we once had relationship wise, not that I would want to. I admit that although I'm no longer 'in love' with him, I do still care for him deeply and maybe even love him in my own way which is something he used against me. He knew that if he needed anything that I would help him out anyway I could. I never had the brass balls to stand up and tell him I didn't want him in my life because it still hurt to have him around because of all the thing we went through, so I allowed him to become a part of my life again without meaning to. Granted we didn't hang out and we aren't all chummy with one another, but he was still there. Comming to my work, calling me on my cell, popping up in places I happened to be, and so on. It's been nearly three years and I still find myself thinking of him. He was a big part of my life, and at one point I would have given up everything for him.
The only way I learned to get over him was by not talking to him when he came into my work (he'll follow me around and chat his bloody brains out, but I wont say a thing to him). I'll decline his phone calls, I'll avoid him when I see him somewhere else, and finally I stood up and told him I didn't want him around anymore. I didn't want to be friends/buddies/whatever, I didn't want him in my life anymore.
I've basically learned that in order to move on in my life I had to close the book on the one "we" once had. Although it's extreamly hard to do so, it's for the best. He's not the one who is going to be hurt if it continues, it'll be me.
And from what I read in your post, she's doing nothing but bringing you down. You have to stand up for yourself and let her know that you don't want her around, you don't want her in your life, not even as friends. She is toying with your emotions because she knows you still care. Don't let her do that to you because it's not worth the heartache it causes.
I'm sorry my post was a bit of a rambling session, I tried to get my point across and I really hope I was able to do that. Good luck hon ^_^
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Wow! Thanks for that post! Sounds just like my situation.She didn't come in after all, but I don't think she was working today (as she only has to walk a few metres down the road from her workplace to get to mine). Hopefully we'll be working opposite shifts from now on so she'll never be an issue.The ongoing issue however, is that when I feel lonely, all I can think about is the times i spent with her. How can I stop that from happening, because it's unavoidable I think.
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It's because your only reference is her. If you had 10 women you spent time with then, if you were lonely, you would perhaps think of good things from 10 different women.
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I'm aware of that fully...but what can I do to stop that.
Aside from "get another girlfriend" because trust me, I've tried and failed. -
So keep on trying (and failing) until you get the prize. Don't go into a relationship expecting the world. You won't know the good until you taste the bad. I know you're a nice guy, but perhaps it's your turn to be the user. Give it a try, you don't like it, throw it back.
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It all sounds so good, but as I say I've been single for 18months now, and not once have I come even close to even successfully getting a date, let alone actually having a girlfriend.She was my only girlfriend ever and I'm 22...so that probably doesn't help in matters.