It's strange how I currently feel. I don't really want to dedicate myself to any sort of commitment at the moment. I see all these people who have girlfriends, and there is someone who I definitely like, but I just don't want to add something else to my life right now. At my age, nearing the end of my senior year, expectations are completely opposite. Most people want to be with someone. After breaking up with my last girlfriend, I just don't feel that anymore.
I dunno if it's just the fact that I got bored with the girl I was with and am afraid of the same thing happening, kind of like it was more of a task to do something with her than hang out with friends or whatever else I could do. I'm afraid of the same thing happening, although I care about this girl. I'm also afraid of the way I see her changing like it did with my last girlfriend. I think part of it is also that we got too close too quickly for me; I like to keep things a lot slower rather than rushing into something that's difficult to get out of. Not only that, but I hate having everyone else that I know (parents mostly) knowing and asking about it and having other people involved. The fact that I live at home doesn't help this. Maybe I am a bit of a recluse in that way and I have great value for my personal life, but that's the way I feel and I don't know how to do this.
In the back of my mind, I worry about the same kind of feelings coming back that I felt in my last relationship where I felt rushed into something I wasn't ready to be in and I wasn't satisfied with the way things were. I feel like a hopeless romantic the way I want things to be... although I can't describe exactly what I mean, I just don't feel like I can do that right now. I'm not sure how to put into words exactly the way I'm feeling, but that's about as close as I can get. A certain part of me would like nothing better than to ask out this girl that I like, but I don't feel the same way about it the way I did before my last girlfriend. Is this a strange way to feel?