Hey guys, been so busy lately with uni etc and haven't been around here much but feel like I am really sinking so thought I would ask for advice.Have had a really crappy few weeks at work. Am doing 40 hours at the hospital and a day in uni and got so much work to do at home with essays and exams and the family I just don't seem to have time to relax or even sleep as I have to do my course work through the night just to get it done. The other day I had a lovely lovely patient who I had been chatting to over the past week and I gave him his lunch and suddenly he had a cardiac arrest. They called the crash team and they tried so hard to get him back which they did but then he arrested again and after trying they decided that they would not continue. I stood there and just cried I couldn't help it and I feel so low. I can't get the sight of them doing CPR on him out of my head and now I am questioning my whole career.After they had finished I had to remove all the stuff they had used and make him comfortable ready for the relatives and I just cried all the time through it.It made me so sad that an hour ago he had been laughing with me and telling me I was so good to him and now he was gone and lifeless. I have seen many deaths whilst training but they were for people who were not to be resusitated so they died peacefully in most cases but this was just so bloody awful to watch and then I am meant to leave work and come home and carry on with my normal life like it never even happened but I can't. I don't know if I feel like this cos it was my first one or if I will always feel like this. I have been low over the past few months as have had my breast lump operation worry etc and things were looking up but I just think that maybe I am in the wrong job. I have coped with most of the things I have had to do and seen but this has put me at an all time low. It makes me question our whole mortality and how precious life is and it can go at any time but I can't keep feeling like this or it will ruin everything. I know at some point I will be expected to perform CPR but I just don't know if it happens if I will do it or crack and am I going to be thinking every minute that someone is going to arrest. Have spent the day in tears which is not like me and really don't know how to pull myself out of this bloody hole. Does anyone think these feelings will fade or will I just learn how to deal with them?Thanks xx
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Really fed up
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I'm so sorry, Jessica. I don't really know the answers and I hope someone with nursing experience will reply. I suspect that it may get easier to bear with time but it will always be hard.
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Just from what I watch on TV, I'd recommend you maintain some 'professional distance'. By becoming close to people who, for the very reason they met you, have a chance of dying, you're just setting yourself up for emotional pain. For that very reason is why I would never be able to become a health professional. And as for the CPR. I think when that times comes you will be too caught up in the moment that you won't have time to question your ability. You've been trained to do it and that training will get you through it. So in the mean time just have confidence in that training.About the uni stuff, I hear ya! Although my family probably isn't as strenuous I've got plenty on my plate too. Recently I've been setting myself little, achievable goals and at the end of each goal I give myself a reward, or even better, get someone else to give me a reward. But I'm being pretty hypocritical, right now I'm on this site procrasinating doing my next assignment. I'll build up the courage soon.As for you, good luck. You sound like a good person with a lot on your plate. Try to break it down into managible chunks and you'll have eaten it all in no time!
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Sounds like hard work... You know what you should do is just make a day for yourself. A saturday or something... Take the day off (if you have work), tell your friends you can do things later or if they want to go do stuff with you, etc, and just relax or something... Your special day to relax, haha. I like that idea, now. =3
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Jessica you are a star. Truly this country is pieced together by people of your ilk.Lets just put this into perspective.You have been working 40 hour weeks. That is a chalenge on its own. your work involves human suffering and relationships, that is a demanding and draining postition.On top of that you go to uni for a day, that also takes much effort. Outside of this you have assignments you need to do, girl how much more can one person take. Then i hear you have had an operation, with all the anxiety and uncertainty taht entails.I think you are amazing. I really think you are special.You must jessica make some time to reflect on your life and i think a short break would be useful. You sound to me the sort of person totally suited to nursing, i do though share your sadness at the man who you watched your collegues attempt to resuscitate.I know you more than most people in this work will see how precious and fragile life is, and how it is without discrimination taken from us all. Iwould urge you not to shy away from that understanding however i would recommend you take time to emotionally process this experience.I understand you question your career and i think if you stand back make time to relax, make it a priority you will see life brings the sweet and the sour to us all.sweetheart you are an angel and you are becoming a strong intelligent women who does the best of work. Give yourself a break and enjoy who you are. Take care.
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Well said, sanctuary.
Very well said.The only thing I would add is that, as difficult as it is right now, this is all part of a process. You will not only persevere, but you must persevere. You are needed in your field.
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Wow everyone..thanks. You certainly know how to lift someone up when they are down. Sanctuary I am going to print off your words and when I feel i'm falling I am going to re read them. I do love my job I just feel sometimes that every day holds its own sadness for somebody and yes people in hospital are poorly but I seem to go through the emotions with the patients as it is my way of what I feel is being a good nurse. I have had a big old think about what happened the other day and i go back on shift in the morning. I realise that I can't dwell on what happened and in the same way I can't constantly be dreading the same thing happening again. As someone said, I have been trained to do this I just need to be sure of my abilities and realise it's ok to get upset I think?
I do agree that I need some time to emotionally process what happened and I have arranged to have 2 days off next week to spend with my kids and just chill out and have fun. My life at the moment is uni and hospital but I do love the job. The satisfaction that when I finish a shift I may have helped someone or made them feel a little better means the world to me. I just need to find a way of not taking on the suffereing and pain of everyone I meet but without becoming hardened to the job itself.
It does make me value life more and realise how lucky I was and how it can affect anybody whoever we are.
I only hope I can do the job justice and get over this hurdle and yet still remain me as a person who does care altho is a little bit batty!!
Thanks you all again I now feel I have the strength to go back to work and carry on as I have been doing.xxxxx
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You are an inspiration, i am sat in my office procratinating about a paper i need to get to grips with, you madam have the power to inspire and more than that you conceede a little vulnerability along the way, and that is how life really is.You are an amazing role model, i can feel your strengh and integrity shining through. Specifically inspired by you i will now today set to an important task ive been avoiding. See the effect you can have.
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Thanks hun, I now need to get to grips with my paper I have to complete too but have been putting off and off and off xxxxxxxx Thank you