Okay, please help me on this...big decision

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Okay I am having an all out war with myself tonight.A girl I know is very into sex, and well it may come to the point where I have to decide whether or not I want to give up my virginity. I think it is finally time I get some help to make my decision for myself on this topic. For the almost 21 years of my life, I have held out for no reason whatsoever. I just need some people to post on here and help me talk it out so I can formulate and understand my decision. I will feel much better if you guys/gals can help me on this.

Ok, so a girl you know is very into sex. How exactly does that lead to you losing your virginity. Just because she likes sex it doesn't mean she'll fuck anyone in sight. Unless she does, to which I make a personal request to be given her home address.

okay to be more specific, we talk about doing it all the time...and since she got her clit piercing she is dying to...

Well, from my personal view, I would say do it. I mean, do her. I base this on my own personal views tho. I don't consider sex to be the almighty binding force for two people madly in love, its not a spiritual union of two people in physical form. It can be if the two people are in love, but without the love there is still something to be enjoyed. And as a first time, its a pretty good situation. She isn't a complete stranger, she is a friend and I had always intended to lose my virginity with either a girlfriend (aka not just a week long fling) or with a friend. Luckily I got both (one person) and it was awkward and it messed up a few times, but it was fun and enjoyable.So anyway, I'd say go for it as long as both of you know what you want out of it. You get to have sex, she gets to test her new piercing, and we get to hear a happy Jon strutting around the board.

my issue is the emotional side of it. I guess I will I am so sick of this shit. I am grown up and it is okay....

Well I know what is eating at me, is I have never had a reason to be a virgin...

Well my view is based on my belief. I have never needed a strong emotional reason to do most things and sex is no different. It can be a physical thing or it can be an emotional thing, its your choice and it may be different with every girl you meet.All I'm saying is that if I were in your place I would do it. But you would have to consider your friendship with her, what would happen if you developed feelings for her or vice versa.

If it were to happen it would just remain as sex, and that is all.

Well if you are ok with it being just sex, and she really is a friend that you trust, then I see no problem with going ahead with it. Does she know you're a virgin?

yeah she does...that is another issue entirely...

Well she could probably have a lot of fun with you then. Since she is a friend you could get her to show you some good techniques for future use. :grin:

well she is against virgins....but she has been acting different

She is against virgins? What does that mean, that she wants to cure the disease that is virginity or that she never touches a virgin?

yeah she does not want to touch 'em. But I know how to talk to her.

Well if you got the moves, then put on the grooves!

well it is not that. She is sure I will be quick and short when we get in bed, which I may be or may not be, can't really base of experience. But if there is one thing I know it is that I am 1 of her only friends around here, and I know what she likes...lots of sex. So I can offer that to her.

Jon - my opinion, should you choose to accept it - don't do it. You deserve better than that. I don't believe, especially for you, that sex can ever be just sex. I think you are one of the most sensitive and emotionally active people here. As such, you might kid yourself thinking that it's just sex, but I bet you dollars to donuts you'll be here sometime soon posting about this girl you had sex with and all the emotions that are tied up with that.Just a thought...

well what eats me up is just that. I have thought about it all. I just do not know what todo anymore. This is something I have always wondered about and been curious, it is more of like I am a virgin b/c of the high school hiearchy...You know I have heard I deserve better from about everyone, but I also catch people saying that it may be for the best.You know damien, I just need some help with this...it is a problem now for me.

I just cannot decide personally. I know what the pros cons are, heard other POVs......I just cannot decide for myself and I am not sure why. It is frustrating. I feel like I am trying to be perfect...

I dunno...I may be wrong about this, but I get the sense that the reason you are struggling with this so much is because there is some strong reason not too. I don't mean to sound like I'm leading you toward what I think is the best decision, but I just feel like you need to be careful with this. If there is a strong reason not to, then there is a strong reason not to. Once you do it, it's done, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. (heh heh). I just don't want to see you do something that you're gonna feel bad about later. The struggle with being a virgin is not a bad thing. It's part of our makeup. Part of our sexual drive that drives us to want to have sex - WHEN IT'S RIGHT. Hell, I wish I would have struggled a little longer.At the same time, I totally understand you. If I had a friend come over tonight offering no strings attached sex, well...let's just say...But you're talking about your first time which is different. I think, bottom line, the trick is to see your virginity as a gift or a prized possession, which it is; and not a curse or a disease, which it isn't.

well that will be hard. I mean ever since I made the choice to try and be a caring person (not saying I am doing so great). It has been total hell for me...I mean I am only 21 (almost), but I feel like I have missed out on my whole life. Me trying to always be so good is causing me more pain. It frustrates me b/c I see all my flaws and personally I have no clue how to fix them. I mean sex has been something that just has been something so out there. I am just so lost in my own mind.