Is Anyone SAVING their self?

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In reply to: people who never have sex and get married always have to wonder if they missed something by only having a single partner. I think that alone leads to affairs and divorce.I have no evidence, just a personal opinion. I agree.

That avatar certainly doesn't look like someone who's saving herself for marriage...not to be judgemental...I'm just saying...

lol..ha ha ha...well i NEVER said I WAS going to save myself..i just said it would be nice and i named some advantages to it...

I know I have a girl that had more then one or two guys before she met me, she knows Im the best, I dont mean that in purely sexual either, but rather in general terms as far as treatment and respect and trust.
I prefered girls that had been around a bit, besides that way they had some uhh education when I got to them :laughing:

well personally for me...I never intended to save myself, but I grew up with my mom who is so damn against me doing it and really gives me a hard time if I talk to a girl on the phone, makes for shitty day b/c she gets on my case and I am the best child she has had so far...I grew up with everyone one saying no no no no no no no no no, but be safe...I mean I know saving ones self has all the great advantages.. and I do not agree with the statement about saving yourself causes more cheating...I will say it does that for the people who let sex take them over in that way, and completely ignore the other parts of their relationship. I am just waiting for a gf (yeah my first one) to show me the ropes persay...I am for it as long as both parties are consenting and have knowledge of what the fuck they are about to do...Ignorant people piss me off (not you chance..just in general)

I am.Wait until my marriage

Its not me only because of the timing, once I was just as ignorant of shit as you see on these boards everyday.trial and error and a kid is what got me my sex education, thats why Im all over my kids ass about sex and being safe. I know I cant stop them from having it, I discourage having it, however I also give them any information I can about safe sex.

see my rents have never done that. Itis funny ever since the split up I had to learn how to do everything on my own...At least about learning in life aspects. I never got the talk about sex, never was told it was good...always yelled at for being with/around girls.It is to the point where I do not ask a girl out or hang out with them b/c I am so sick of being made fun of...and I tell them that..When I get back to Purdue I hope to be doing better, but that is why I am a virgin. I recieve too much ridicule to even have a gf...I have my parents in that aspect...plus it does not help my moms bf thinks I am gay (which is fine if i was), but it is the fact I am not that it pisses me off.

Iv set rules about girls with my kids, 16 years old to date.Aside ffrom that I dont discourage them from girlsf, I jsut dont allow and dating till they hit 16. We have had many many sex talks as well as drug talks and drinking talks and smoking talks. If they dont have honest information how are they ever to be able to be healthy adults and make the right choices?Your parents did youa great diservice by making sure you were never around girls, Im going to be 35 soon, I dont want to be a grandparent yet thats why the safe sex talks.Iv let them know I dont approve of them out bangig any girl that will let them put it in her, but we also went over the why and how of safe sex, it does them nogood to have vital information withheld that they will get form friends anyways and may not be accurate coming from them.Least ya found ths site to fill in the gaps your rents left ya eh ?

well I really found it after. I am very rough loving kind of guy now. And see just like you...I want to have my kids ready but not discouraged...All I do now is to be a good parent and husband...I do not care so much if I am not having as much fun b/c I know I will be complete when I have my family....

And I consider myself lucky with the drugs deal....I got into drinking real heavy then amazingly did not touch any drugs...

I do agree they did do me a diservice...the time I could have spent with friends I spent trying to figure out why people acted the way they did...I distanced myself from people b/c I could not understand...it was really hard...they were too damn focused on who had custody me, and not how I was doing.

In reply to: they were too damn focused on who had custody me, and not how I was doing. It saddens me to read that Jon. I hate that it was that way for you. Unfortunately, that's how it is for too many kids.A former professor and MFT supervisor of mine started a really amazing program here in KY called Families in Transition (FIT). It's done through the court system and basically mandates that any couple with children who get divorced attend 8 hours of education and training concerning transitions, effective co-parenting, that sort of thing. That's one thing I hope to get involved with after I get settled in Palookaville.

Yeah it was really shitty. It sucks even more b/c you would hear that they love you and their way of showing it was physical gifts or send me to a psychologist...I do not wish what I had for anyone else. And is goes today I continue to get myself through it. I mean I understand I do not provide the monetary funding but I have to do it all outside that. My parents suck at helping me.Yeah so I have been a virgin out of fear basically. Sex was never discussed with me so personally I am afraid of it. Something that scares me, and I know it should not.

We have that here in Utah, attended it when I got divorced, it was the biggest fucking waste of time I have ever sat thru.it was 2 hours and a fucking waste of time.Maybe it was the format, sit in a class sign a sheet of paper and watch a move that was boring beyong belief.at anyrate I learned nothing, not a fucking thing aside from that I was out 40 bucks, bored to fucking tears and al because Utah law requires it before a divorce can be granted when kids are involved.

Hopefully the one is Ky is better than that. I'm betting it is if it's Dr. Brown's baby.Nonetheless, a lot of peolpe will have the same feelings you do about it simply cause it's mandatory. Although, I must say, like it or not - if it's done well and is not boring...if you're gonna spend the money you spend on divorcing your spouse, what's $40 and a few hours to make sure your kids are taken care of in the way they should be?

well see not all parents need it. That is where I say government has its role and parenting your kids is not it...But there should be resources for children so they can get some guidance, more places like these...I remember that is what I came here for...I still had questions.

The FIT program is not about government parenting kids. It's about making sure kids are parented by their parents. There are so many issues around kids and their needs that, as you know and stated, go completely unnoticed. Either parents can get so wrapped up in the whole drama that the kids' needs go unmet. Or as is often the case, parents aren't even aware of the impact the divorce has on their kids or the proven ways of making the divorce a smooth transitions. (There is good research that shows that children of divorce do as well as children with married parents IF two parents make the effort to co-parent effectively.)Most parents who divorce are wading through strange new waters and can't be blamed for not knowing all of the implications. That's why it's good to have something to fill in the gap, to help the kids and the parents make smooth transitions. I've seen enough exes bicker and fight and be totally oblivious to the fact that their kids are living dysfunctional deaths cause they won't get their act together and parent the kids like they need to.stepping off my soap box and turning back to the paper I should be writing

well it should be offerend heavily suggested but forced is not the way less is taken in that way...

Maybe if it were "forced" in your state, you would have gotten the attention and help you needed.

anything was gained from it, then 40 and a couple hours is a small price to pay, but what we have here in utah is absolute shit and taught noone anything.

well tis a big maybe on that one damien...but i guess any effort is valid b/c it sucks.