This is really hard to post because, other than my sister, I have never told anyone about this, but here goes! When I was younger (the first time I can remember was when i was about 4 years old but it may have started before then) my dad would come in my bed late at night and sexually assult me. He didn't rape be but he did other "smaller" things. I didn't know that what he was doing was wrong, but when he did it something inside told me it wasnt right, so i started to stand up for myself and he eventually stopped. I thought that that was the end of the story and I got over it (I don't think that it affected me emotionally, and since he didn't rape me I figured that it wasn't important enough to tell anyone). But one day, my dad got all drunk and started to hit my mom, which shook up all of us, and I asked my sister privately that night if dad used to ever touch her when she was little. She completely burst into tears and told me everything that he had done her, which was much more serious than I expected. As it turns out, dad has forced her to recieve/give oral sex, and in order for her to be allowed to hang out w/ friends she had to let her assult her in some way. She remembers him trying to preform anal/vaginal sex, but she doesn't remember if he was actually successful; this has tormented her beyond belief because she doesn't know if she is technically a virgin. So needless to say, since I found out what happened to her I think about almost ever minute of the day and I find myself crying A LOT now. I hate what he did her her, and I also hate the fact that if I had told someone about my abuse, dad would have never had the opertunity to move on to my sister. In addition, now that I've heard my sister's story I have deep insecurities about getting married and having kids, because I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my child alone with a man. I guess I need councelling for it, but in order for that to happen, we have to come clean.My sister and I both know that we should tell the police about this and have him put away, because in order for us to find closure about this, we'd like to find justice for it and not let him think that he got away with it. However, there a few things holding us back:1) Even though my mom knows deep down that dad is abusive in every possible way and doesn't truly care about her, she's still inlove with him. If we tell the police, her world will be absolutely crushed and I don't even want to think of the state she'll be in. This is the biggest reason.2) Even though he's done horrible things, he's still our dad and as much as we both hate to admit it, we still love him and don't want him to be hurt or die alone in a jail cell. He has horrible health and could not handle jail, he can barely handle walking too much.3) If we go through with this, there will be media attention all over it and everyone in the world is going to know what happened to us and things will be very ocward4) Neither of us know anything about the legal system and how they handle this kind of case. I don't know how we would 'prove' that dad did these things, we really only have our word, and I don't know if thats enough. I'm scared that we won't be believed and dad could seriously injure or kill someone in my family afterwards. I researched what the signs of a potential murderer is, and apparently if my dad feels backed into a corner he could do something serious.So, my sister and I are unclear of exactly what is the right thing to do. We know that we should tell the police or some sort of assult counceller what happened, but is finding this inside closure worth seriously hurting our mom emotionally and putting our family in danger? Should we tell our mom what happened to us first and then tell the police, or should I talk to my best friend about it for support, or should we just call the police now and explain later? Your opinions and/or words of encouragement would be GREATLY appriciated because they are exactly what my sister and I think we need to feel empowered and move forward with this issue.Thank you very much (and sorry for it being so lengthy)
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Sexually abused by father
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Shenanigans, first of all, you've been very courageous in revisiting such painful memories and writing them down. You've clearly thought a lot about what to do.
My feeling is that your point 3 is probably an over-concern - these things are all too common and the cases don't usually get heavy media coverage. However the other points may well be valid.
Is there a local rape/sexual abuse counselling centre or hotline you can use? You and your sister are certainly eligible to use one, and the counsellors there have a lot of experience. They will be able especially to advise how the legal system will take it; but they may also be able to help you broach the issue cautiously with your mother, if you wish.
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I love my manthing to bits hon, but if he did anything to my babies i would kill him. Does your mom know he abused you and your sister? You see you can love someone, but knowing that hes done something like that, well, it changes things. Yes she might be devasted, more so the fact that she didn't see what was going on, and in her mind allowed it to happen (i know a few families who have dealt with this in the past) but its something that needs dealing with. What he did was wrong. Ineligable is right, as always, ring a helpline, talk to others who have been in your situation, and make and informed choice about what to do next.You are an incredibly strong and brave person.
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I know how you feel-I was 12 chen My step dad had his way with me-I am 40 now and up until a few years ago I never stoped thinking of what to do-not wanting everyone to know what had happened to me. Then he became sick a few years ago and passed away. Seems to be better now just knowing he is not around . Hope I am not a bad person feeling this way.
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Man thats so totally wrong!that bastard needs to be in prison soon.does your mom know?she could take care of the legal stuff.but you are very strong and brave if you could get this done.most people try and make excuses for their parents when this kinda stuff happens but luckily you didn't so at least your on your way to getting past it
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Thank you so much for responding, everyone! It's good to know that I'm not alone and have support. I will defenitly research what councelling centres are in my community. As for my mom, when my dad was with me in my room I remember my mom coming in a number of times asking what he was doing. He'd say that he was just "checking" to see if I was clean, and my mom would get really mad and tell him to stop. So, I do think that she knew, but I think that she went into denile about it (same as she has with all the other problems with my dad) and made herself believe that she was over reacting. I know how horrible that sounds, but the truth is that she is still a super good mom, I mean amazing. I suppose everyone thinks that if it happened to their kid they would protect them, but its way harder than you would think, especially if your in that situation. So, I'm guessing that she did know about what happened to me (before she convinced herself otherwise), but I'm positive that she knows nothing about what was going on with my sister and dad.