So last month I went out on a date with a guy I met online. We had been talking for months and met once before in person. So the day of the date we when to the museum where he had some wine (I don't drink). After we went to a restaraunt and he had two margeritas so he was officially drunk. His friend, who he called, stopped by the place and ended up taking us to his apartment. She could see he was drunk. I was pretty upset because I needed to get back to campus to finish a project and be there for the 8 am class in the morning. After about 11 that night, him smashing his guitar, and saying some mean things, he finally got the attention of his roommate who then took me back to campus.Later I told him that I didn't regret getting mad and he apologized (He also apologized that night). I told him how the situation made me feel. It takes a lot for me to trust people and I felt disappointed. I really want to trust him and get to know him because I like him, but it's like he just ruined his chances...I think. I also felt, but haven't told him, that he got drunk on purpose because he suggested that I stay the night and his friend (who met us at the restaraunt) could take me back to campus since she goes to the same school as I do.So now the question is should I go out on a second date with hime? He wants to hang out today. He's bi-polar and has social anxiety, I also have social anxiety. I initially thought I should give him a second chance, but now I don't know if it's just me feeling sorry for him.
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Our First Date
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If it were me I would give him the second chance. But I usually give people second and third chances anyway, that's just me. That is unless you felt you were in physical danger that you couldn't handle. If that was the case then move on to greener pastures and forget about him. Life's to short to put yourself in harms way unnecessarily. Hell, it's to short to put up with stupid shit unnecessarily.Whatever you do this time should you choose to go out with him make sure you have the means to leave if you want. Don't rely on him for a ride home. Have the cash and phone to call a cab at a moments notice. If you have a car take yours. Go someplace that doesn't involve having to go back to his place. Meet him at a show or museum or mall or whatever and then you can part was there as well, should shit take the same path it did before.After rereading your post maybe it's better to just move on, but that's up to you. It's one thing to say the wrong thing because you've had a little to much to drink and are nervous on a date. It's another to smash shit and make a complete ass out of yourself because your to drunk to control yourself.Move on.
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I agree with OldFolks. That's a big red flag in my book not to get involved with someone like that. Sorry.
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He hardly looks hopeful!Taking someone on with bipolar and anxiety issues (and perhaps a drinking problem also) is a substantial commitment, and you need to be sure you can handle it.
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The thing I hate is that I don't have a car or a liscence. I haven't driven since high school. I don't like the idea of being stranded, I do need someone I can depend on. I don't think he understands how vulnerable it makes me feel that I can't trust him.I'm really tired of trying, with love. I always put myself out there and end up getting screwed. What does it take to find a good relationship?
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I don't like the idea of being stranded, I do need someone I can depend onIt seems obvious this is the wrong guy to want to depend on, if you ask me.
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Originally Posted By: LTTA
> I don't like the idea of being stranded, I do need someone I can depend on
It seems obvious this is the wrong guy to want to depend on, if you ask me.
Also seems like she's got the wrong reason for trying to find someone in my humble opinion.
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Originally Posted By: rune-san Originally Posted By: LTTA> I don't like the idea of being stranded, I do need someone I can depend onIt seems obvious this is the wrong guy to want to depend on, if you ask me. Also seems like she's got the wrong reason for trying to find someone in my humble opinion. Truth.
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NOOOOOOOOO! You are not right for each other. In a good pairing, a situation like this would NOT happen. I know his anxiety probably made him nervous, but the excessiveness and the violence is your clue that it was NOT a perfect fit.When the situation IS RIGHT, these kinds of scary things don't occur.Therefore, chalk it up as a learning experience. Keep looking! Don't give up! There are some truly GOOD, STUNNINGLY GOOD GUYS left in this world. The key is respect. If you even get a whiff of a guy disrespecting you, just say thank you and move on. Because there are a zillion guys still waiting to meet you who will truly respect you.
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How so, is it wrong to want someone that is reliable? I didn't mean that a wanted a Sugar Daddy or something.
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Maybe you made it sound like you were only went out with him becasue he had a car.
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Okay, I don't understand how people got that idea. I guess from the word depend? I'm confused, I don't get it. It was nice that he had transportation, but if that was my only reason for going out with him. I wouldn't date a guy just because he had a car, it takes more that that geez. There has to be substance, trust...
Being stranded doesn't end in a situation with a car, I'm sure it could be applied to other things, but I guess that's what everyone associates it with. I still say I need someone I can depend on, whether it's physically (having a car or at least knowledge of how to get around without one) or emotionally. Right now I have to depend on my family to take me different places and it sucks because it just feels like they don't really care sometimes. I also lack any close friends so I really want someone that's going to be there. It would have been really nice if I had a friend that I could have called to take me home that night.
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I didn't get that impression at all, so I don't see where those guys got that idea from as well.
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Forget the car, focus on the situation. Lack of a vehicle is only a side effect of the original problem: a guy who scared you.
There is never a reason to see a guy again if he scares you once. There will be plenty of people who argue this, but the fact is that if he scares you once, it's a guarantee that he'll scare you again. Are the good times "good enough" to make up for the bad?
(Hint: the correct answer is NO.)
Disclaimer: it is hard to make your heart obey your mind. Your heart likes to govern itself. It's a flaw. :smile:
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UPDATE:He's called me a few times about hanging out, I told him I didn't want to anymore. I said it was okay for us to be friends, but I don't think I should encourage the situation. He left a message on my phone yesterday, darn, he's so funny, but I'm going to stand by my initial decision to just let things be.Is saying it's okay to be friends (I said he could call me and talk and stuff)? Why do I feel bad?