MAJOR social problem

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Let me start off by saying I am 15, male and in grade 9. My main problem (as you can see from the title :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:) is that I can't really talk to people I don't know in general. By this I don't mean I'm just really nervous, but I honestly can't sustain a conversation with someone for more than 5 seconds because I start to get EXTREMELY shy and EXTREMELY nervous. I mostly give monosyllablic answers like "yes" or "no" (that come out in weird ways I might add) when asked a question even though I know the other person is trying to spark up a conversation or just a friendly chat.

The whole situation is also made worse due to the fact that I am in school. Because I can't really talk to people and get nervous around everyone, I have no friends :frowning:. As you can imagine, this can be an absolutely horrible thing to experience. I actually go to the school library everyday during my lunch break and kind of just sit there because I don't want to be seen sitting in the cafeteria eating alone and looking like a "loser". This year was my first year at this school and I have made no friends have probably achieved the title of "That guy who never talks" (I say "probably" because I really don't know. You aren't going to find out much about what people say if you're in the fucking library every day.)

The strange part of all this was that I wasn't always like this. I can remember, from grades kindergarten through 3, I was a VERY social person and had a lot of friends. Hell, I think I was probably the most popular guy in the 3rd grade lol. After grade 3, I went to a different school that my parents put me in (a gifted school). There I was the same as before and quickly made friends. I left there after grade 7 to come back for grade 8 and 9 to my original school for highshchool. (why?...let's just say its complicated.) I met most of the same people I had known a few years before, but this time...it was different. I was very shy and extremely nervous around people (I would also like to add here that I am still unable to pinpoint the exact moment or time that this "shyness" took over). I was unable to speak comfortably with anyone or make friends. One thing that REALLY got me down about this was this girl I knew when I was in primary school. We used to be really good friends, go around together, play tag and all that stuff...Now, I am COMPLETELY unable to talk to her when she says Hi to me. This probably also has something to do with the huge crush I have on her as well. She's absolutely amazing in every way :laughing:. Anyway, like I said, I was unable to make friends with people and as a result I found myself simply by myself, going to the washroom or library to just kind of hide. This is actually the most horrible part of how I'm carrying on and is in fact, kind of ironic in it's own right. I used to absolutely HATE people like me. You know - that guy who doesn't talk to anyone and goes to the washroom and comes out an hour later. like wtf?. That's what it was like last year anyway.

This year, in grade 9 it's mostly the same. I find myself going to the library everyday by myself and have no friends whatsoever around me. At this point, my situation is beginning to worry me VERY GREATLY. I don't know what will become of me throughout high school and university and hell, why don't I just throw in real life in there why'll we're at it? I DON'T want to become someone who just sits inside all day with no friends doing nothing! I KNOW I'M NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON INSIDE. I think somewhere, deep within me is my true personality wanting to come out but for some reason it can't. I know I can be a lot cooler friendlier, and better (and maybe even able to talk to Denise again!.."Denise" isn't that just a beatiful name? lol. I can't stop saying it to myself =/) if I can find a way to get over this "anxiety" or whatever it is.

Anyway, that's my fucked up life lol. Don't really know what I want any of you to do about it. I guess I just had to get this off my chest. Any suggestions are appreciated btw. And I also thank you for your patience with me if you've managed to truck this far through my "blog" post lol.

well guy lol you and I are one in the same. Both 15, both in the 9th grade, and both dealing with crapiness lol. I'm sort of like you except the other way around... sorta. I was either very nervous and shy or very hyper and superactive. Both characteristics which turned people off and my parents used to think I had ADD lol. I know how you feel. When I first went to high school it was a living nightmare. Freshman in a huge city school. I was like a helpless fawn in a lion's den. Literally. I never experienced being shunned because my school is just too loud lol. But I used to hang out with my cousin who was a Senior which was really pathetic for me because I felt weak for not making friends on my own. But somehow I've gotten pass that stage with my secret weapon. Something I can't mention for fear of getting ridiculed lol. But for you I think you should try loosening up. Warm it up don't be so cold. Talk to Denise or whatever her name is. It can't hurt to try and get closer to her. Most of my friends have things in common with me like dancing, Chris Brown lol, tv shows, fashion, shopping, God, etc. That's how we hit off real nice. See what you have in common with other people and just mingle. EDIT:Oh and welcome to A2A

I know exactly how you feel. When I give answers, they're only 1 syllable too and they always either end up coming out way too loud or barely audible, if audible at all. I don't intend for them to be like this, it just comes out that way. It's some wierd nervous tick thing. I don't have any friends, either. Most people don't like me and think I'm wierd. At my school, I'm known as the quietest person also and some people actually have mistaken me for a mute. People are always giving me wierd looks and staring at me all the time and it doesn't feel very good. Like Abi said, just go out there and talk to people. When people talk to you, give them more than just "yes" or "no." It's hard to do, trust me, but once you've done it enough, it just becomes a habit and you'll find people being friendlier to you and you'll feel more normal. If you pass by someone in the hallway who is in one of your classes, say "hi" to them. It'll take time, but when people see that you are trying to be nice and that you're working to be a more social person, they'll respect you and talk to you and your lonliness will start to dissolve.

Wow. Sometimes its hard to believe that there are people in such similar situations as myself. Sometimes I think about it. And i think that there MUST be others like me. You know, fellow nervous wrecks. I certainly wouldn't mind finding them and making friends with them if i knew they felt the same way lol. Oh, and I'm also known as the quietest guy in my grade. You're probably right as well. But of course, it can be hard to just say "Hi" sometimes or meet people. Everyday, I think about doing this and trying to make some progress but its extremely hard. At least I have a goal to work towards. And I wanted to ask you something as well if you dont mind. Do you ever wonder "why me?", because I certainly find myself doing this a lot. Why does it have to be me with the nervous personality?! I don't deserve this. Every school day at period 3 (my lunch) is like --- "ok...should i go to the library or washroom? not the library - the secretary thinks I'm a messed up weirdo since i went to much. So then the washroom...But which one? (I have to go to one with stalls to sit in for the period so no one sees me. =/) I think ill go to the one on the left side upstairs, not many people come up there and no one will notice me...OK, now wheres the quickest way there without running into people."I'm disgusting =/

Hey, I know how it is not to have friends. I think it helps to join clubs that you might be interested in. Then you will meet ppl that you have stuff in common with. It helped me...you can probably meet a group to sit at lunch with, too. I hope this helps.

In reply to:

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Do you ever wonder "why me?"

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All the time. Wouldn't it be odd if we looked identical, too?

I think it's because you left a school where you were well liked (and you knew you were popular, too) and then when you came back, you were nervous about meeting these people again.My boyfriend used to be like that; I have no idea what his malfunction was. I am a very persistant and talkative person when I want to be, so I broke him out of his shell. You might not have a girl like that at your school, so I would suggest trying to talk about them. People can ALWAYS talk about themselves. In fact, I can probably talk about myself to a rock. Ask them about pets, family, vacations, school, driving, etc.

hmmm , i am a bit like this , but if i force my self to talk to people , i can keep a conversation , one thing you cna try , is talking to somone else on thier own , and make sure you have planned it all out in your head, thats how i made freinds that have stood by me for 10 years and counting