My best friend died

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My best friend died three years ago.. I just can't get over it.. I feel as though any little thing can trigger me off.. Looking at pictures.. song lyrics.. sharing old memories. It seems I cry every single night. I just don't know what to do anymore because I miss her so much.. we grew together.. We had so many plans for our future.. I just dunno what to do. I feel as though this affects all my other friendships.. like im scared to get too close.. and that if i do im really overprotective.. I don't know what Im asking.. Anybody else ever experienced this?

Of course. A lot of people have experienced things like this. My dad died 2 years ago. We were semi close, and it made me feel bad that we weren't closer. Just think about the good times that you had with her, and try not to focus on what you're going to miss out on. My dad already has missed some of the highlights of my life, which is of course sad. But just focus on the good times. You can even use death as inspiration. It helps me play more physical in sports, and in drama performances. The thing to stress most, which I already did is remember the good times you had and focus on the good times.

Thanks for your help.. Ive been struggling with this forever..

would it be inappropriate to ask how she died?

im so sorry to hear about your friend. that is a terrible loss given you two where so close, and it's natural to be struggling. Thats what greiving is all about. Ive suffered the loss of a loved one too, and i know how seeing photographs or some of their old clothes or hearing a song that you and that person liked can make you hurt, but i like to think that helps to keep their memory alive. I think you would feel worse if you didnt miss her, in fact, you are dealing in the healthiest way possible. which is good. as for not wanting to get close, or being overbearing/protective, that is totally normal. after the loss of a loved one, our attitudes towards our other loved ones are often temporarily (that being the keyword here) altered. You may be subconciously worrying about it happening to your other close friends, therefore making you more reluctant to be so close to them because you're afraid of getting so hurt again. Just trust that those around you will understand that you're gonna be acting a little weird now and then, and embrace your pain. Dont be afraid to hurt. Cry as much as you can. The more you put out there, the less you'll have to deal with later. you're gonna get through this, i mean you will never stop missing your friend, but one day you'll find yourself more able to cope. chin up.-ak

It was very confusing and sudden.. and I think thats what bothers me the most.. was that no one really understands why.The doctors first said she died of leukemia.. She had always had pains in her stomach... i still remember her complaining about how bad it was.. she went to the doctors and they said it would pass.. then one night she woke up screaming her sisters name at 3am.. her spleen had ruptured and burst in her stomach and she had 4L of blood in her stomach.. she died in her dads arms in the entrance way of the ER.. I remember talking to her 3 hours before that.. inviting her to my bday party over msn.. joking around and gossiping.. Later after she died.. the doctors said she had died of leukemia.. which is insane! How can the doctors be so STUPID?!Thats what gets me the most..Thanks Africa.. that was a kind PM

Omg that's horrible.

OMG steph thats terrible.......the death of your friend will always be with you, but that doesn't mean that she is gone from your life, smile at the good times, light a candle for her on her birthdays and special times, celebrate her life, not her death..........You lost a friend but gained a guardian angel. cuddle

That's very sad, Steph, I'm very sorry.

Its so hard for me right now.. everything reminds me of her.. everything .. i always think.. "oh if i would have done this differently .. maybe she'd be here with us today".. Im so close to her younger sister now.. she was a year younger than us.. its so hard.. she looks just like Jenn.. it's hard to look at her and not be reminded of Jenn.. its so hard to watch her do the stupid things she does.. it's like she doesnt care.. she's screwin up her life.. These lyrics remind me of her alotThe problem with your smile is that it's gone And all your laughter will have wait till after And the problem with your clothes is that they're offThey're folded nicely and packed up tightly 'cause you're gone CHORUS: Time is burning, I am learningJust 'cause you're gone doesn't mean you're gone'Cause your name was written downI never thought I'd see you bleedBut your skin is so cold nowI wish that you'd stop pretending to sleepAnd our treeshouse and our Saturdays are goneNow that this is over I guess it's my turn to be strongI want this, I need this, I'm helpless without thisChorusAnd though I walk these halls aloneChorusAs I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keepAnd if I die before i wake, I pray the Lord my soul to takeAnd the problem with your eyes is taht they still shineChorusAnd though I walk these halls aloneIt's just when you're gone that I feel you're gone'Cause your name was written down

Not to rain on the parade, but how can a spleen be in a stomach, wouldn't the hydrochloric acid eat it away (yes it would). 4 litres of blood in her stomach? The average human has 5L of blood, and 4 Litres would bloat her to beyond belief....

By "stomach" she meant "abdomen".My mom used to say, "When I carried you in my stomach...", and when I was was very young, I took it literally. I thought there were chicken legs and pork chops falling down around me. When I was older, I understood what she really meant.

Not to rain on the paradeWhat's your point? I think we all understood what was meant and didn't take it that literally.

Sorry I read it wrong mr. Admin.Like I care what you all got or thought of it.

Im glad we have smart people like you and steve who understand things..

I just wanna thank you all for the support.. you guys are awesome..

I hung out with an old friend today and was dropping her off at her house and drove by our old school and saw a new garden.. and i said "thats really pretty.. i remember hanging out around there but it was soo boring" and she told me it was a memorial place for those who have died.. so i turned around and we went there.. it felt nice.. it brought back alot of good memories for me.

Come back to the memorial gardens in the summer its going to be wicked I helped with the planting

i will.. its absolutely gorgeous.

Its getting prettier, when it was fist planted it look so much like crap!! now it started blooming, we had to replant it cause some loser faggots destroyed it :O. Our Principal helped too There is a plan of building another on on the side of the school, with the cross and plaques and such.Everytime i go to school i look at the enterance!

aww thats good.. that makes me really happy.

Clap for Happy!!I planted a really special one, it was growing, it died:(