I need your help I've been with my b/f for @ least 1 year & 8 months & we try to base our relationship on honesty & helping each other we argue alot & stuff but we love each other I lied to him a couple of times to spare his feelings I told him that my period had come when it didn't and of course I knew it was coming & didn't want to worry him. I dislike arguing & intense conversations for extended period of time but he does. What happened was I've been telling him that I don't find other men attractive he didn't believe me & told me that it's natural (to find other people attractive that sorta thing) but I insisted that I didn't find anyone else attractive....well while talking in a very good & harmonic conversation I told him that I met a man @ school which we both attend that like guy he was light skinned; green eyes & physically attractive which is the oppsite of him I said I didn't talk to him & that I only spoke to him once & declined to take his phone number; but I said I "wondered" what sex with him would be like I didn't tell him right then b/c A) I thought he would flip & B) we had other problems @ that moment; I said it was a fleeting though & that after that thought I thought about how good the sex with him (b/f) is.When I told him @ first he took it calmly in stride but later he thought about it negetivley & told me if I "wonder" than I must "want" to be w/ him.I say there is a difference b/w wonder & want & I didn't act on it. In hindsight I am glad that I told him b/c I wouldn't think it was fair if I didn't. & that looking back it was just a mole hill not a mountain but it was a mountain when I encountered it one that I conquered easily.He said if I can't handle a real mountain if the mole hill was a prob. & that I should explore & we break up. I don't feel it's worth wasting almost 2 years of a relationship on something that's not even that serious.Was I wrong in telling him; Or was I just wrong for thinking? Or is he just overreacting?
Please Help....New to board
You shouldn't. Would you like him to talk about wondering about fucking other girls? It would make you feel a lil' insecure wouldn't it?
I agree with Max. People who say partners should be completely open with each other are wrong, in my view. I think wise partners don't discuss with each other what other people they might find attractive. It's just too difficult to be dispassionate about it. Of course both partners are going to find other people attractive; but most people, though they can handle the concept in the abstract, aren't comfortable with any specific case.
In reply to:
People who say partners should be completely open with each other are wrong, in my view
at this point in time in my life, I strongly disagree
I'm one of these nutty people who must be 100% honest with someone, and I never keep anything from them.
I would much prefer to hear my partner say that they are attracked to someone else rather than feel it and hide it from me. If i did end up finding out that they hid it from me, it would hurt more.
I've been in many similar situations and the fact that things like that have been hidden from me just makes it hurt more
in reply to Serenity_AK, I'd start with being 100% honest with him. However from what you describe of your bf he doesnt sound like someone you can be 100% honest with and still be yourself. I'd be questioning myself why I would be with a partner like that.