i have a gf we have been going out for about 4ish months and we have been friends since like forever like 2+years and i love her insanely the thing is that she has done a lot of hooking up and we have got to 3rd base(hj) and no further and she gives hjs to guys she just hooks up with and i kind of want her to go further on me just so i can feel like im better than those guys shes hooked up with to her. its killing me inside and it shouldnt be i mean i just want her to prove her love to me but i dont want to force it and act like a guy and make her so i havent mentioned anything about besides the casual joking about it like if i make fun of her and she says "you suck" jokingly i would say "nah thats your job" or something. i mean i dont want it for the pleasure just so that i know that she would do anything for me and that she loves me and at least something to show for being committed to her unlike those guys who she just hooks up with and gets the same stuff i do. i dont know if anyone really understands what im saying but ugh i dunno someone talk me through this because im so close to breaking up with someone i insanely love cause i dont believe she loves me back and it kills me.
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Not sure about gf
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I think he's saying that she hooked up with other guys...she has a history. But it wasn't completely clear...that was one very long sentence.It sounds like she didn't go beyond the hand stage. I think he's barking up the wrong tree if he thinks that her agreeing to have sex with him means what he wants it to mean.
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Wow thats tough, but you shuldn't need the prove that she love you doing that kind of stuff doesn't prove she loves you. If you feel that way try to understand maybe she is trying to change and stop doing that kind of stuff. Yet if you really want to know push it or talk to her about it don't joke about it really talk that is the best way to get an answer.
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no she isnt hooking up with people now she has had a history sorry it was really late last night and i was just rambling.i really dont wanna sit and try to force her to do something she isnt doesnt want to do cause then i dont feel like that shes doing it cause she loves me but rather cause im forcing her so i dont wanna bring it up. see the thing is i dont feel any more special than the guys shes hooked up with and im at least committed to her and i dunno i expect more than they would get. im not expecting her to have intercourse with me but oral would at least prove that shes willing to do anything for me and she only needs to do it once and i wont bother her again to do it for a very long time i dunno i cant explain what im feeling that well. it kind of is like a self esteem issue thing i want her to prove that im better than the rest of those guys but she hasnt and she has had plenty of oppurtunitys.
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but oral would at least prove that shes willing to do anything for meIt won't really prove anything, and that you think that indicates a self esteem problem on your part. If she's with you and you alone, she's demonstrating how she feels about you.
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what is she demonstrating by being with me??? all the guys shes hooked up with only wanted her cause she was good looking but she had a lot of emotional problems that they didnt want to deal with. ive been her friend for a long time and ive helped her through those problems but thats besides the point.if she only goes as far as she does with guys she just hooks up with i dont feel that great about myself like great ive been committed to you done everything for you but basically i didnt have to cause i could have just hooked up with you and gotten the same thing.
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Are you saying that you did for her what you did with the hope of a sexual payoff? Not very altruistic. There are important things in a relationship besides that. Expecting her to put out puts you in the users' class.Her not going beyond the hand job stage with anyone shows that she's not a slut. If she serviced you even though she didn't want to, would she be a slut? You're not in a unique situation (she doesn't want to give anyone a blow job), so you are not at all justified in expection her to go further. If you stay together longer and she gets closer to you, maybe she'll want to some day. But if you just can't get past the feeling, it would probably be better for her if you broke off the relationship.
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It MEANS something, with you. It's completely different. Like, for instance, your mom bakes a cake. No particular reason, besides the fact that she wanted cake. That cake, therefore, is not special, and has no meaning behind it.Then, your birthday comes along, and you mom bakes another cake. That cake is special, because she baked it for YOU, and it has actual meaning behind it: it's a symbol of the celebration of your birthday.So with those other guys, there was nothing special, nothing significant going on... I think she probably had insecurity issues with herself, and making it with those guys boosted her ego. With you, she's secure, she doesn't need to do stuff with you to make her more confident.
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right but i cant think of anyway i can get closer to her i mean yea i guess you are right but i just hope she will want to soon its just really making me depressed and angry and im trying to push it all down but it keeps coming up. but its not that she doesnt want to give anyone a blowjob i mean ive been her friend for a long time and she told me everything like she would joke around about giving blowjobs to guys she hooked up with and im pretty sure she would if she was put in an empty room with them so i dunno it still bugs me the fuck out that she would just hand out handjobs to anyone that hooked up with her like ugh!
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ajmakoko...thank you...that helped i can see what you are trying to say
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You're to hung up on the sexual side of the relationship. Maybe she regrets her past and wants to take things slower? You should be pleased that she picked you to be the one she'll have a real relationship with. There is far more to being valued in a relationship besides sexual acts. Has she said "I love you"? That would mean a hell of a lot more than any blowjob would.What would you be saying if she had random sexual encounters (as in actually having intercourse) in her past? Would you want her to let you do anal on her? How far does one have to go to proove to someone they value them more than people before?I see where you are coming from man, I always have hangups about guys my girlfriends had been with before me. It's just instinct. You have to put it aside. Besides, as Steve said, how special would you feel if you asked her to give you a blowjob and she did reluctantly? I think it would be far better if she did so on her own accord.Give it time, work on other aspects of your relationship. Eventually, if she loves and trusts you enough she will be wanting to move on more serious sexual things.
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shes says she loves me but the thing is i dont believe her
if she had sex over hooking up shes a slut/whore in my opinion and i dunno
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if she had sex over hooking up shes a slut/whore in my opinionOK, you think she's a slut, but you're unhappy and jealous becase she's not your slut. You don't respect her, and your whole relationship with her is highly suspect. Maybe she'd be better off being with someone who doesn't look at her see her as a whore.Do you think you'll really start respecting her if she gives you a blow job? That's crazy. Or will you think, "Ah hah, I was right, she really is a slut!"?
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Maybe she is waiting for you to go further on her, like give her some attention, maybe oral for her, then she will feel comfortable to give oral to you. I don't know really, just a thought.Or you could really sit down and talk about taking your physical relationshiop further. If you have know each other for a long time, and have been going out for a few months, your verbal communication and trust between the 2 of you should be pretty good. Just talk about it and see where she is comfortable with things and how far she wants to go.Just don't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do, maybe the blow job is a big step for her and she is nervous about doing it, cause it is a lot different then a hand job, if someone hasn't done it before.I know I gave different points here, but I was going in different directions in my head. So, pick your advice...
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That's looking at it pretty mechanically, kind of a lesson in how to get into a girl's pants. It doesn't address the respect issue.
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lol no i dont want her give me head so i can be like haha slut cause fucking a im her boyfriend if she does it to me she isnt a slut and she hasnt had sex with other guys by just hooking up so i have nothing to provei decided to bring this up but brought it up in the wrong wrong wrong way. she said she said she loved me and i said uh huh sure and i just kept pushing that i didnt believe that she loved me and we got into a huge arguement and like 5 hours later she was like i just dont wanna get too close to you and you break up with me and ill regret it and i said oookay you are straying away from the solution and then it hit her what she had to do and she said i dunno i cant gaurentee anything i dont know if everything will be ok and you will be with me after and i wont regret it. i couldnt emphasize how much i loved her but i dunno we will see i guess
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In reply to:
if she only goes as far as she does with guys she just hooks up with i dont feel that great about myself
Sounds like a personal problem, not hers.
In reply to:
she said she loved me and i said uh huh sure and i just kept pushing that i didnt believe that she loved me and we got into a huge arguement and like 5 hours later she was like i just dont wanna get too close to you and you break up with me and ill regret it and i said oookay you are straying away from the solution and then it hit her what she had to do and she said i dunno i cant gaurentee anything
Sounds like you're being a prick that just wants a bj or sex. I know you've expressed that's not how you feel, but your actions say something completely different.
Listen, if you want to get anywhere you have to let her make the decision. She's obviously been hurt in the past, and she needs to be reassured that you won't be like the others. My advice is this. When you two are alone and you're both comfortable cuddling or whatever tell her something like,
"I know you've been hurt in the past and you're hesitant to escalate our relationship sexually. I want you to know that I love you, you mean more to me than just messing around, and I want to be with you. If you want to wait to escalate things sexually, than I'm fine with that."
Stop playing mind games with her and be a good boyfriend.
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well after that little talk i dont think i want it for a long time now just cause i dont want her to give it to me right away cause i feel like im making her and ugh and it is personal problems it doesnt seem so special to me when basically anyone can get it!! i dunno how to like say that enough i mean shes given me handjobs along with guys she just hooks up with i mean i guess i dont think it means anything to her when she gives it out to everyone and i guess i kinda want her to go further on me just so i know at least i mean something to her. and im a teenager in high school where the word "love" is tossed around like nothing so i dont know if she means it or not.i also kinda want it as reassurance that she will always be mine and that she wont break up with me anytime soon i mean if she didnt have the shitty past then i would not be complaining right now cause at least i would feel like it was special or something. i love her to death and i want her to do it when she is good and ready just i dont wanna be waiting for eternity
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In reply to: well after that little talk i dont think i want it for a long time now just cause i dont want her to give it to me right away cause i feel like im making her and ugh Good. In reply to: also kinda want it as reassurance that she will always be mine and that she wont break up with me anytime soon Look at it this way, if you continue with the mind games and trying to get her to "give it up" then she'll either break up with you or regret doing it. So you're better off just letting do things at her pace.
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and it is personal problems it doesnt seem so special to me when basically anyone can get it!!Some people have sex as an expression of love that's already there, but you're putting the cart before the horse. Agreeing to have sex with you doesn't mean that she loves you or is comitted to you. I'm not saying you did this, but telling her that she'll sleep with you if she loves you is the oldest boy-trick in the book.If she tells you that she loves you and you won't take it at face value, and she hasn't done anything in your relationship that would make you doubt her, the problem is strictly yours.To the extent that giving out handjobs is even a big deal, it sounds like you really have a big problem with her past, which is silly. If you don't get past it, it's going to come up evey time you have an argument or feel wronged. It will corrode your relationship.It appears that she's not yet willing to go beyond hand job with anyone. I'm not sure what you're complaining about.> i dont think it means anything to her when she gives it out to everyoneMaybe it means somethong when she's with you.>i kinda want her to go further on me just so i know at least i mean something to herBut if she does because she feels pressured, it won't mean anything. What does it mean if your coerced into doing something?> i also kinda want it as reassurance that she will always be mine and that she wont break up with me anytime soonIf it were to happen, it wouldn't mean that, so give it up.I don't know how old you are, but you don't hava a very mature attitude toward sex. You have a problem here that will lead to the destruction of your relationship if you don't learn to deal with it. If you can't, and you can't stop seeing her as a slut, you need to let her go, for her sake.At the end of it all, I'm pretty sure that if she gave you oral or intercourse, you'd see her as an even bigger slut; ironically, she doesn't even want to do either. You've put her in a very bad position, and that's not something you do to someone you love.