Last night I had an awful dream. I dreamt me and my mum went to see the woman I see for my anxiety.In my dream we went to analyse my current state and whether I need to keep going. When I got there, there was all this controversy about me and if I was being honest in saying 'I am fine' and the woman agreeing. It was like my mum wasn't convinced I was normal again. In the dream the woman and my mum had a argument and I didn't like seeing them argue, so I left the building and just lost my temper. I'm not sure the reason for the dream but often people say dreams like this are often how we feel inside. And I guess I care alot about these two people because my mum obviously took care of me of me throughout my life (and we all care about our mothers) and the woman I see (who understands me crystal clear).Not only that, but in the dream I dreamt I had an argument with my dad and stood upto the constant widing up he does to me while I spend time with him. An example of what his widing up is like would be me going to get a trolley to go shopping with family at the shop. We would get the shopping and then obviously come out of the shop and bring the trolley upto the car and put the shopping in the car. He would say: "Go get shot (get rid of) of that trolley mate!" and I would be: "Ok." After taking the trolley back and getting into the car he would then say: "Didn't you get the pound (british money for you americans) out the trolley?, I replied: "No, it didn't need me to put any in." and he would say: "Right, so you didn't put any in, then how did you get the trolley in the first place?" I said: "It obviously had some money in it still then", he would say something really stupid in response to me: "You sure there was no money in it mate? You asleep still?", then everyone would start laughing thinking I was stupid. It's ridiculous he would show me up every single time. And no matter what I do there is something bad he has to say about it. All my life I have put up with it. I often have dreams of fighting my dad because everyone I meet for the first time somewhere, he starts off the first impression of me in a really stupid way that they see me as a stupid, clumsy person for rest of my life. I can't change the way they see me now. I've never said anything remotely angry to my dad as I love him, he's my father. But when he starts doing things like this to me for making himself look clever in front of other people I keep it bottled up. One day I will just pop and this is not good. My dreams represent this. I'm getting less and less tolerant of it because I want people to see me for who I really am. Worst thing of all is...I work for him. My anxiety has gone, that is for true, my recent post shown this. All that is left is a fierce, frustrated personality about the other things that are left. I thought I had overcome my problems but obviously I haven't.
-
Sigh
-
HUGS N CUDDLES::
-
Hmm. I'm starting to cheer up. I'm kinda depressed about my feelings still though, because I'm not sure if these feelings are ok to accept. What I mean by that is... I'm not sure if I should be feeling angry over these things - maybe I'm letting them get to me more than they should. :/
-
Sorry that was me forgetting to login