Life sucks

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im sad....4 no reason really i just am. got that weird heavy feeling in my cheats again and im feeling quite down...and have an urge to OD on sumthing or do sum sort of harm..i thort i was over this crap sighi dont no what 2 do, i dont wanna go through all that shit again

man...i know how you feel. ive cut myself in the past to try and relieve the pain. it works for the time being...but it only makes things worse. go get help!!! i did. im still depressed,but i dont have as many urges to harm myself anymore. if you need to talk more in private, just private message me!! XOx

nah, i dont really wanna go get help i put up with much worse then that for a long time, im ok. it just sucks to b reminded of all that shit all over again every once and a while...but im ok, i made myself a tall glass of 3/4 vodka 1/4 cranberry...that really fucked me up and i feel alot better after that....on the bad side it tasted like crap and i have no more vodka

well...if you need somone to talk to...im only a pm away..and drinking doesnt solve anything....trust me on that one.

Hey, I wish I knew a deffinitive answer to stop these kind of in-out depressions, but I dont. I have just started counselling, have you considered giving that a go? I dont think it will stop unless one does something, just waiting for it to go away and never come back doesnt seem to work.How about whenever you start to feel down you do something physical, like go to the gym or play squash or something. Or if your into that type of thing go to a gig, with a mosh pit. I find that kinda thing helps for me.

i dont wanna go 2 councilling, i dont wanna share my privit shit with a stranger i find that weird. i dont really wanna talk about it at all at the moment. ive been through worse without seeing a conciler, im shure ill deal and stoping being such a pussy.i just wanna stop being sad. i havent been happy for a while now and its hard, i recognise what i should and normally would b exited about but i dont feel anything really, or just sad.im gonna bcome an alcho at this rate , i just wanna click my fingers and b happy again but the only thing thats remotley close is booze. i dont wanna feel so "blah" anymore, its starting to fuck with school. i usually get awsum marks easily but i got my report 2day and its not good because i dont care about shit anymore.i feel like curling up and haveing a cry...for ever. or sleeping and not wakeing up. its awful to feel like this AGAIN when id thort id moved on. i dont thin k i could cope with this going on 4 the rest of my life, i just dont think i could handel that.... sigh i want a mirical pill, that what i want.

You're never gonna stop being sad. If you don't try to do something about it then things will only get worse. A therapist is the last thing I recommend, because it's just another person telling you what to do. You have to figure out what it is that heals you and go out there and find it. Sitting around crying does nothing but push you farther into the abyss.

its ok, i stoped crying when my best buddy came online and had a chat with me, she always cheers me up, i love her.ill b fine i guess

If seeing a therapist is such a bad idea, what exactly would you suggest? People who are very depressed often don't have a whole lot of motivation.I'm not sure that you'll accept this, but some people are helped by talking (where you're not necessarily told what to do, but given help in figuring out how to do what you know you need to do), a combination of talk and antidepressants, or just antidepressants. Antidepressant drugs are not a panacea, but they have helped some people get on with their lives when nothing else worked. It really does look like a chemical issue in the brain can lead to depression.Unfortunately, it's not usually easy to figure out what to do yourself, when you're already in a state of depression. It's no different to seek help for depression than it is to seek help for a broken leg.

Whoa...life doesn't suck, the alternative does! Think of the beauty in the world! Hell, you're in NZ, right? There is natural beauty within walking distance, I'm betting. And not only that, there is beauty in LIFE! I'm not one for babies--never had any, never will--but I do understand the desire; when you see a baby...recently born to the world...knowing nothing, but looking around at everything...THAT'S beauty! The wonder of existence! And we have it. Do you realize the number of people in the world at this very moment who are slowly and painfully dying who would trade their lives for yours in a heartbeat? Just for the chance to live a few more hours?Okay, I'm not some religious junkie, but I have a story I'd like to relate: when I was 19 years old I used to work in a bookstore in our local mall. One day when I was behind the register a small group came in and proceeded to divide up and move about the store in response to their own interests. Right in front of the registers was a rack of comic books and one of the group stopped at the rack and started looking through them. Not at the cool comics, but at the stupid old Archie comics that should probably have been left in the 50s. Okay, so I looked at this girl, who was probably five foot eleven, probably weighed two hundred ten pounds and had glasses at least a half-inch thick, as she held these stupid Archie comics up to her face--less than three inches from her nose--and realized that she was no more than nineteen and at least partially retarded, but she was getting an incredible kick out of those comics.Here's where it hit me....I had everything that she might wish for and I'd come very close to taking my own life a year prior. And why? Because I thought my life was awful! I had no idea how well I had it...not until that moment in the book store.This story may not matter to you at all, but I assure you it's true....and Steve is right...while counseling may not be for everyone, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who isn't your peer and whose only job is to help you realize what is bothering you....and the fact that you said you've been through worse, alone, only amplifies the fact that you are internalizing all that you're going through and that's not good. Take it from someone you don't know, but has been there.I wish you the best and I hope you decide to talk to a professional....and many are free of charge, so don't sweat that.Luck!

Great post hon,I have the same thing happen to me almost every day, my daughter is blind, but she sees so much in everything around her, she always smiling even when she walks into a chair the boys have left sticking out - I see her and my heart hurts, but i think im sooo blessed to have her, she is my inspiration, if she can smile through what she has to get through i can damn well be smiling too.

A-friggin'-men! God bless you and your girl for your respective attitudes and determination! I can't even imagine not having seen the things I have. I grew up in the mountains in NY and camped and fished and just hiked out to see nature in all its beauty. While I was in the military I was stationed in Guam for a while and we used to go snorkeling out over the reef. We'd get little cans of vienna sausages, dump them into ziploc baggies and take them into the water with us and crumble them up over the reef. Within seconds there would be hundreds, if not thousands, of bright-colored tropical fish swarming us and brushing us as they passed. It was incredible! And the feeling of them swarming around us was as great as the sight.At any rate, there are so many things in life to see...I can't imagine anyone not wanting to do EVERYTHING! Okay, so we don't all have the ability to do or see what we want all the time, but that's what dreams are all about! I got myself out of serious credit card debt about a year ago--took me six year of living like a hermit and never doing a thing I really wanted to do--and next spring my fiancee and I are taking a trip to London, Paris and Rome...three places I've always wanted to see.My point? STICKING AROUND TO DO AND SEE EVERYTHING THAT'S OUT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!And to anyone who still doesn't get it....life is problems, living is solving problems...and there are bonuses around every corner, you just have to look for them. Honestly, you are only as happy as you want to be.Health and happiness to you all!

thanx 4 the responses guys, sorry i havent responded 4 a while but ive been sick. one thing i dont agree with is this
>> you are only as happy as you want to be.
then y when im being quite depressed do i get upset because i want to b happy but i cant!
yes, i know the world is a beautiful place but thats sumthing i only appreciate when im happy, its very hard 2 notice when ur feeling like shit.
its ok, im not sure talking 2 sum 1 would help me much tho, im not a sharey carey kinda person. i dont really share shit about myself to alot of my firends, let alone sum total stranger. also, one problem is the money, but more that i couldnt pay 4 it by myself and i wouldnt go if my mum had 2 pay 4 it and no that im not a perfect as she seems to think i am and have 2 burden her with more shit.( we do have free counciling at school but im a senior and i have friends that work in the concelling department at school, i look quite pulled 2getha and any ppl i have told find it hard 2 belive i have issues. i dont really want ppl at school to think badly of me or think im a crazy bitch)

i donno, i guess its ok, i get depressed much less often then i used to but i guess still have sum of the effects ( eg: i sleep about 13 hours a night if i can, i have zero motivation blah blah)
and yes, i do internilize stuff but thats how i deal, i no its bad 4 u but i dont really have another way 2 do it...
im a bit better, i do ask 4 help with stuff abit more i guess.

im ok, its just the days were i do feel down really take alot out of me. i just wanna b happy all the time like i used 2 b i guess, i really miss that.

and i just find it abit weird and seem 2 put the sad crap out of my mind cuz sumtimes i can be totally deppressed and sumtimes im kinda hyperactive happy wich is just....weird.everytime im in a happy phase ppl always ask me if im on drungs...im not, its just anoying that ppl ask me that when im happy.hmmm, im weird

Cute, I'm not a physician and I'll never pretend I am, but through my work, I do deal with people's medical problems on a regular basis..everyday, as a matter of fact.There is no reason this should scare you, but I think you should talk to a physician because you are describing manic or bipolar behavior and there is easy help for that. Again, there is nothing to be afraid of and I'm not a physician, but I really think you should see someone who can actually tell you what's going on. Honestly, it could just be hormones based on your period--I have no idea, but you've gone way down and then way up in a matter of days...let someone who knows help you!Please!Take care of yourself!

ok, i looked up bipoler disorderhmm...yer, now i think of it , every time ive been super happy it was been in quite a driven weird creative way, like, i can see why ppl ask if im on drungs cuz its quite scarry in a hypo way. i havent had one of those overly happy phases since...maybe a month and a bit...it was the day where i was kinda crazy and i took all the posters of my wall and cleans 4 hours then was determinded to do a painting 4 my wall now that they were posterless...so i made my mum drive 2 ages away so i could get a canvis but it was closed so we drove all the way back and i went sumwhere closer but more expensive, spent most of the money i had at the time on art supplys, and spent the next 6 hours or so painting in a hypo way and kept telling myself that id just do abit more then leave it 4 the next day but i couldnt. so i finnished about 1:30 am but wasnt tired so i went online 4 afue hours....and then the more noticable times when im depressed and wont go 2 school or get out bed....shit i dont want bipoler disorder..but then in a way i just kinda want a lable so i no im not just makeing this shit up and then if im in one of my many, many many weird moods then id know why and id have an explanation 4 ppl... i donno bout meds tho, it would b nice to have more manageable moods cuz it would fuck with my school work alot less..can sum1 plz just tell me what 2 do here

Cute, I'm glad you looked it up.I'll say this again...I'm not a physician or even close, but I think you'd do well to see one. Meds are not that difficult to deal with, and when you are talking about a physiological problem like a chemical imbalance, it's not something that's anyone's fault, but rather that the body isn't producing what it's suppose to when it should. I've recently become amazed at the number of chemical reactions going on in our bodies at any given moment...it's truly awe-inspiring how the body works.At any rate, if you're tired of the ups and downs, there IS something you can do about it: talk to your doctor and be honest.Oh....and, be well!!!

yea, i realise its not my fult but i dont think i like the idea of sumthing like that being wrong with me.also, i would go 2 a doctor but, i dont really like my doctor. shes my family doctor and was also midwife for me and my brother and sister but i dont really like her as a doctor and i dont really like that shes known me that long. i feel like shes judgeing me and i dont feel comphatable talking to her. id like to change doctors but i dont think my mum would let me , i dont wanna ask her 2 change and i wouldnt no who 2 change 2 also, what would i say? " hi, i think i have bipoler disorder" that just seems like im being dumb and self diagnoseing and doing her job 4 her...id like to sort this out but, i dont want my parents to think/know im fucked up and im afraid med would change me too much and i wouldnt be my creative self...im just confused. this is abit of a shock 2 me, i just thort i had issues with depression i didnt really think it through much i gess

Whoa! Back up a bit. I'm not really sure how medicine works in NZ....is it private or socialized? Regardless, there has to be a clinic in your area where you can go and see someone who isn't your family physician. If you have no idea where to find such a place, you might ask whatever passes for a school nurse at whatever school you happen to be attending...and you won't even need to provide more information than "I'd like to see a doctor who's not my family physician." And, as I understand it, all doctors are obligated to keep whatever you reveal to them confidential. But again, I don't know how things work in NZ.Also, you don't have to diagnose yourself, just tell whatever doctor you speak with the truth of what you've been experiencing. If it's bipolar disorder, a professional will be able to tell you. And again, I'm not a doctor and neither are you...let someone who is figure it out. However, I will say that just because someone is a doctor, that doesn't mean they're always right. Only YOU can know what's best for you!Ask!

i dont really no what u mean by private or socialisedyes, there r probably many doctors in my area i could c but i dont no how 2 choose 1 or go about changeing doctors.and what i meant was, is that what i say 2 my doctor? that thats what i think it is or do i just list all the dumb symtoms that happen 2 b the same as that so i can hope they figgure it out for themselves?yes, they have 2 keep it confidential butim still liveing with my parents and im still finatially dependent on them. they would know if i changed doctors and also would probably bug me about why etci dont no oif i trust doctors all that much, how do i find 1 that i like and how i respect the opinion of?this is all 2 complicated