Can I ask her to lose weight?

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Please read what I have to say before slating me.I'm seeing this girl and it's all good, my first comfortable, stable relationship. We met about two years ago at uni and have variously been in a casual relationship, an open relationship, have been 'just friends', seen other people... we became 'a couple' in May but know each other very well, we're not really a new couple.Thing is, she's kinda overweight. Not obese, not massive by any means. I guess maybe two stone? Now I'm really into her and it doesn't change how I feel about her. But can I ask her to perhaps lose a stone? Sure I'd like it, but it's really about her. She has very low self esteem and can get depressed about the way she looks and not being able to wear what she would like to. She hardly eats anything, she just needs to exercise and it would fall off her; I know it would make her much happier. So can I ask? How could I do it? Or am I just a total arsehole?

NoAre you fucking mad?NEVER tell a woman she needs to lose weight, even if she does. Besides she wont unless it occors to her that she WANTS to do so.

Don't innitiate the conversation about weight... Wait for her to say something like, "I feel fat." Tell her that you are going on a diet, and that she'd be welcome to do it with you... You could use the support. She will probably say yes. If she doesn't immidiately back off.

If she says yes, then actually DO get on a diet, and plan exercise-related dates. Yeah, it sounds like it will suck, because it will. How much do you want her to lose weight?

Never ever bring up a woman's weight, especially if she has low self esteem to begin with. You can be as nice as possible bringing it up, but it will go nowhere good. Leave it be!

I'm a girl and I don't even know how to ask! but uh, how about asking her to eat somewhere. You choose...where its healthy food. Say you think this place is great. Instead of taking a car. Go biking with her around a trail. Say you wanna spend some quality relaxing time with her. Maybe ask her to go swimming. Uhm play some one on one with you. If she's not eager to move..then you can't make her budge. However, if you want her to lose weight. You gotta be there with her exercising. it'll make her feel like you're there for her. Definetly. NEVER ASK HER TO LOSE WEIGHT. ASK HER TO DO VIGOROUS ACTIVITIES WITH YOU! I dunno why it seems weird if a guy asks you to lose weight. But do it indirectly...stealthily. Conceal it with you just wanting to spend time with her. Sex takes a lot of energy. A good way is to make her go on top, or some position that makes her in control. If she's going on top ask her to go faster cause it feels....good! Cause I get hecka sweaty and tired after my bf tells me to do that. Its darn good exercise...lol! If she gets tired switch positions but then try to make her go back on top and make her sweat again...lol I don't know if thats good advice but hey you're trying.Basically ask her to do an activity with you. So it seems like you wanna do this, and with her. Not losing weight...even though thats your aim. Does anyone understand what i'm saying? lol.Ooohhhh you can sprinkle in some kiss ass stuff. Be like.. honey you look smashin' in that bikini top. Adore her most hated parts, it'll boost her self-esteem. For instance, my bf thinks he has an ugly chest and stomach oh and a small penis. everytime we're about to make love, for foreplay i start caressing and kissing his most hated parts. I coo, purrr and tell him caressing his chest make me wet. It makes him smile and stuff. Its great. I don't think he's small or have a distorted torso at all. Even if she think she's blah, put her on a pedestal and tell her she's a goddess to you.Oh about the apple polishing comments. Don't do too much, do it when its appropiate and believable. If you comment on everything...then she's just gonna think everything you say is BS. Say it when she goes in a new outfit where she's uneasy about...or when she does look like she's getting to lose weight. Uhm... hmm...say you seem more energized than before! Tell her she's terrif in bed after a good sweaty session. She made your day. Comment when its a good time. Don't comment because you feel like you got nothing to say or because you just like spitting them out. Don't even have to say them, just smile and look at her. Don't look at another girl or try not cause it'll most likely kick her self-esteem down.I don't know if all girls like this. But i love it when my boy just looks me up and down and licks his lips. He looks up at me then smiles. It kinda lets me know I still got it.If all fails. Love her for her. Nobody is perfect.

Now I'm really into her and it doesn't change how I feel about her. But can I ask her to perhaps lose a stone? so, why ask her to lose it if it doesn't make a difference to you?????

ok, how bout takeing this approch.tell her u wanna get inshape/more fit and u dont wanna do it alone. ask her if she could come for a walk/swim/run or what ever with u every fue days 2 keep u motivated and to keep u company.that way u both benifit and u get 2 spend time 2gether

Because it will make a difference to her. Read the whole post did you?Thanks for the other responses guys, I think "softly softly" is def. the way to go; I was never going to wake up this morning and text "go 2 da gym fatty". Although it's a good idea in theory, I can't really go on a diet with her because I'm 11.5 stone, pretty toned and have very little body fat (being in good shape is easy for me, it's just the way my body works) But the vigorous activity thing sounds good, thanks.

If you're genuinely concerned about her health you should find some way to bring it up.I was with a girl who was kinda in the same situation. Except she already lost a lot of weight and still felt bad about herself. After you lose it you're never gonna look like a supermodel. Focus on having more energy and feeling better then things work out. Just be open and honest. If you're more into how she looks keep your mouth shut.

Or you could try this approach.Start singing Who ate all the pies? Who ate all the pies? You fat bastard, You fat bastard, You ate all the pies!Kind RegardsMr. Nuts

If you want to lose the realationship then ask her to lose weightIf you want to keep it then never ever under any circumstance mention her weight

Or he could take her on very active dates... I like riding bikes on a bike trail, or swimming, or ice skating, or almost anything else that gets me moving.

why dont u join a sports club and maybe ask her to join with you say it would be nice to do something together make ur relationship stronger and even if at first u cant see her losing weight tell her how great she looks i am sure she will soon begin to come into her own where excercise is concerned!!

I'm not saying this will relate to your situation, only you can judge that, but I thought it might be a worthwhile scenario to repeat anyway: I put on two and a half stone over the space of about five years, and bumped into an ex about eighteen months ago, who I hadnt seen in all that time. He just took one look at me and commented factually "you have POUNDED on the weight"! Of course I was appalled and mortified at the time, but now, eighteen months later, I have lost two of those two and a half stones and feel great, am back in my old jeansize and am constantly being told how well I'm looking thesedays.It was a hard thing to hear and the time, but it really opened my eyes. I suppose the moral of the story is sometimes a bit of brutal honestly works wonders, though, as I said, weather that's applicable in your case only you can judge.