This isnt a problem as such, though it surely was this time last year. I just want to provoke a bit of a debate and hear what other people in similar situations might have to say. Here goes:I'm with my boyfriend nearly four years and two years ago I found out that he'd been unfaithful during our first year together, not once, not twice, but with THREE different women. I write, it's what I do, but I dont have the linguistic skills to describe how much that hurt and insulted me. It literally tore the relationship to shreds and when I think back on it, it's a wonder we got through it at all. I bitched and ranted and cried and shouted and threw it in his face regularly for a loooooong time. Basically, I suppose, we're still together because I love him and when I looked in his face during those rows there was a lot of genuine guilt and remorse there.Is it possible to love someone and be unfaithful like that? Has anyone any opinions on that? Maybe it's a different question, or might provoke different answers, depending if it's directed at a man or a woman. I know I wouldnt have done it on him. I havent fucked around for the simple reason that I dont want to be with anyone else. That's why there's still hurt there, because I know that he did.We came to a turning point about six months ago. He said that he hadnt done that in years (and I know he's being truthful about that) and that if we were ever going to move on I was going to have to let it go and really forgive him. I thought about what he said and decided I was poisoning the relationship banging on about the distant past and havent mentioned it since. We moved in together about three months ago and are happy. There is still that little voice though, that tells me sometimes that if he loved me as I do him, and had done from the start, he'd never have done that. Any opinions?
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Life after infidelity
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People who cheat should be hanged by their intestines. It's foolish to stick around with them because the hurt will never go away, and it's likely they'll do it again.Cheaters can't control themselves. Even if they do it once, they have a problem and are no better than animals.
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Good God, it sounds like you've been burned bad! I'm of the turn of mind though that, like Helmsman said, you have to know that the apology is sincere before you can move forward. There's no way I could hang around waiting for it to happen again, that would be sheer emotional torture, in fact, I'd rather have physical torture any day.There are a few different factors involved in why I feel we can get over this: first of all we're more than boyfriend/girlfriend, the man is my best mate. Second, I found out because he told me. If he didnt feel like shit he'd never have fessed up in the first place. Third, he'd been faithful for more than a year before all this came out, so it wasnt like I had to wonder if he was capable of keeping his dick in his trousers. And lastly, I know I got a sincere promise that this shit is part of our past, not our future, and I have made it very clear that if there is a next time, I'm leaving, and he certainly knows I am sincere in that!I have to go and put some gravy on for the dinner..
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Ha! I'd be good enough to eat if I was plastered in my gravy anyway, I make the best gravy in Ireland. Is San Diego really paradise btw? It pisses rain where I'm from most of the year..
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Read my post at the bottom of the forum. I've never had a single stable relationship (or any kind of relationship) that lasted more than a few months because of similar reasons. I do not tolerate people who are dishonest.
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Yes, I remember that post. I think the crucial difference is that my partners infidelity didnt result in a pregnancy. If it hsd done, like yourself, I'd have walked away. I just know I couldnt have dealt with that, things were bad enough as they were.
On the subject of cheaters being "no better than animals" though, I have cheated in my life and I dont regard my myself or my boyfriend in that light.
Maybe it's a straightforward case of 'what goes around, comes around'. I have a strong belief in Karma. I think what we force others to deal with in life will come back on us, so that we will learn the necessary lesson of dealing with it ourselves.
Still though, I was cheated on before I ever did it - maybe this is Karma gone mental, I dont know..
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It sounds like a lot of Irish peoples idea of paradise all right. You should see the way people react here when we have our two weeks of summer, it's the height of hilarity really. The thing is, in Ireland you never know when those two weeks are going to strike, it could be anywhere from May to September, so the minuite the sun comes out everyone tears their clothes off and goes running like lunatics towords the beaches, ha ha, people calling in sick to work all over the place, the fucking country basically shuts down, and because we are all snow white after 50 weeks of lousy weather everyone's walking around burnt to a crisp with big red welts all over them. I get the same laugh out of it every year.Climate it something you adjust to though. The times I've found myself DYING in the heat of the Austrailian outback or the humidity of a Manhatten August day I've been able to fantasise about nothing else than a shower of soft Irish rain. The air here is cool and damp and very refreshing and clean, I havent come across the like of it anywhere else in the world. You wouldnt confuse English weather for ours, even though it's only across the water, it's probably because we're right at the edge of the atlantic. Oh my God, I've just realised I've been banging on about the weather for ages in a post, do I sound like a saddo? ha ha.