Can people change?

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--WARNING, LONG-WHINDED POST AHEAD--

i really dont like myself as a person.

ive always been very insecure. i used to, a long time ago, have a lot of that mis-placed forced arrogance that vulnerable people use as a shield. this caused me to jump into situations dick first. i started high-school being well-spoken and wearing eyeglasses that went dark when you went outside. why? because i thought no-one would like me and i had to impress people. and that shows, not just because i was wearing insanely dorky glasses that got me made fun of and talking all fancy, but because it showed in the way i carried myself, and people hate that. hell, over the past few years people have forgotten. i talk like everyone else, and nobody brings the past up. maybe because they dont want to insult me or maybe because they have actually forgotten. in any case, im over my past, but im still not a different person entirely.
i always hear people say that people cant really change, or a leopard cant change its spots. etcetera.

but i dont wanna accept that,
i was hanging out with some people a few days ago. theres this one guy, and hes short. hes skinny, he has this thing where one eyelid kind of droops, making him look confused all the time. and he wears glasses. but hes so over-the-top confident, and so fun that you just want to talk to him. its like, he doesnt care what comes of his conversation with you. he makes you do most of the talking. and when similar people talk to him, they both talk for hours. i dont talk to him much because when we where friends i had the compulsive need to apologize obsessively for the slightest thing which would make anyone want to shoot you ( i think i either have attatchment issues or im just really, really annoying ) but i envy him for it. one quality i think i have is a knack for observation- one thing i think this guy really lacks. he always makes any girl he likes a really close friend, which i know isnt how you get a girl to like you, and ive seen him get hurt a lot for it. thats one quality i am glad i have, but i want to be fun. i really want to have that confidence, you know? and not just that confidence you get when you grow up, average confidence that allows you to make small talk with people at parties ( something i am no good at ) but i mean real confidence, the kind that makes people take notice instantly when you walk in a room, and the kind that people are really attracted to. im not confident though. when i walk into a room, i try to avoid being noticed. when people talk, i either get really shy for fear of being annoying and become boring or i talk too much and piss people off. i feel like the confidence that comes naturally to some people is something im going to have to learn to fake- and i know faking confidence is good because it gives you the eventual ability to feel real confidence, but i dont know how to fake confidence. i dont know how you can fake having lots of things to say, and i dont know how you can fake being fun. im also scared that if i became that guy, people wouldnt think of it as a change in me, theyd just be hesitant to warm up to me because i have the very bad habit of getting people to like me a lot and then scaring them off...especially with girls, but with guys too.

if you could be assed to read all of that, i will really appreciate your advice. im sure it will help.

ok, what came to mind when I was reading your post was this:
Stop trying to be someone or something you're not. Be yourself to the best of your ability. If people don't like you for who you are that is their problem, not yours. I used to be really quiet, and when i was young I lived in a very sheltered environment. Then I moved and started going to a large public school (I had gone to a private school all my life until then) and I didn't know what to do or how to act. I tried to act like someone I wasn't and naturally I gotconstantly made fun of.
Now, about three years later, I've gone through a lot, learned more or less what this society is about (I also moved again and got to start out with a clean slate) and now I'm very confident in myself (my looks, my style, my attitude, etc.) and I have no problems making friends. Yes I am quite shy, but if someone starts talking to me I'll talk about what I'm interested in and not be fake.

I don't know if that helps any but that's what your post got me thinking about.

that totally sounds like my life. thank you.it really helped.

any time

I think it's a matter of accepting yourself as yourself, as an imperfect but interesting and fundamentally good character who is well worth knowing. When you can accept yourself, that will radiate outwards and affect how you appear to other people.

People change all the time. It's not an overnight thing. I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to be the sweet fat kid that didn't talk much. People would have to talk to me first before I talked to them. Yep, that was me. haha.A series of events got me where I am today. As the fat kid, I had a low self-esteem. I started playing football. Hurting other guys on the feild or at practice became my outlet and I was a dam good lineman for it. Football is what really got me into the gym. The summer before freshman year I was in the gym 3 times a week. I can honestly still say that I felt like I worked harder in that weight room than anyone else in there. I pushed myself beyond the pain threshold and then pushed more. By freshman year, I was 40 pounds lighter. Even though I lost a lot of weight, I was still a great lineman because of my technique... but I ended up quitting because one of the coaches pissed me off so bad I couldn't stand going to practice anymore. People I knew were amazed at the difference over the summer. Girls started to notice me and pay a lot of compliments. Needless to say, that boosted my confidence. As time went on, I became more and more confident.This girl... We were friends since freshman year. She was crying in the back of the science lab and being me I just had to go back there and just see if she was alright. I don't remember exactly how things went, but the first day I met her she was crying in my arms and from that day I became her protector. Anyway, fast forward to Senior year. One way or another I fell in love with her. It became frustrating for her. It wasn't fair to her that I was in love and she couldn't see me beyond just friends. (I joined A2A around this time) One thing led to another. I don't know what she was trying to do, but she basically tried to sleep with my best bud. Maybe she was trying to force me to become just friends with her. I don't know. She didn't want to push my away completely, but wanted to push my away as to not love her in that way anymore if that makes sense to anyone. Anyway, I was severly heart broken. I began to question who I was. I was Amber's protector for so long I didn't know myself as anyone else. All of THE crap went down in the middle of senior year. I decided that I would just have fun for the rest of my senior year. Each day was a step away from her. One day at a time, one step at a time. Eventually I was long from those days of shit. Summer hit and my best bud moved to a different city. 2 months after he left my hometown, I got a girlfriend... 3 months after he left my hometown, I left my girlfriend and moved to the city he was in. A shitty thing to do, but I guess I wasn't totally over Amber and I felt like running away from everything I knew was the only way to get further from that horrible memory. I didn't feel half bad about leaving my girlfriend 300 miles away. We didn't really mesh well and our relationship was based on sex. shrugsSo I was in a new city. A city where the male/female populous is waaaay off. About 3 girls to every guy. A university town to say the least. It was weird for me. I distinctly remember sitting in the library having a pregnant girl wanting to have me come over her place to "study" even though there was nothing to study. After sending her on her way, the girl next to me got curious and then invited me to a "private study session" and promised a good time. haha. I turned her down also and left. Call me crazy, but I didn't like it there and the school wasn't what I expected it to be. 6 months later I moved back to my hometown.So, I'm living with my parents temporarily and guess who gets in contact with me? It was HER. Amber. By this time I found forgiveness toward her and thought I would give her a second chance. We had lunch together a couple of times. Without love blinding me, I could see her true colors and easily cut off the communication completely. I haven't talked to her since. The old me could have never done that so easily.That whole time I searched for the girl that I could spend my life with. This is when I started doing a lot of studying about neurobiology. I found that I had more in common with women older than myself. I started dating a 36 year old. Very intelligent, classy, a freak in the bedroom, extremely sweet, and by all means knows how to treat her man right. Our personalties mesh so well it's scary. But I became conflicted. There were circumstances in the relationship that neither of us could help and I had to break it off. She thanked me for having the strength to do so and told me that she didn't have enough strength to do it herself but knew it needed to be done before a later breakup would have been worse. We remain close friends.So, not long after that... is today. Who am I today? Basically, I'm a guy that's not looking for anything romantically. The first time in my life I'm not looking for it. Instead, I'm just having fun and concentrating on my career. I don't find much substance in my life right now. I make a lot of money, have a lot of sex, and work on my career. That's it. Personality wise, this person who used to be the most selfless person you'd ever meet has become an average joe.Do I like who I have become? Not really. Am I working on it? Yes I am. I have found my way to deal...Every 2 months or so I hit a reflective stage. Who knows what brings this on. Maybe I've always done it and I never acknowledged it. But, basically I become a lot less verbal. I become a quiet observer of the world and I think about the person I am today. What has led me to today? What is a flaw in myself that I'd like to change? There is always room for improvement. Never become stagnant. Time is always a healer yet potentially an enemy. When you get hurt, time will heal it. But you must walk forward. If you don't, time will catch up with you and then you'll wonder where the time has gone. If you keep walking forward, you'll know where that time has been spent. Spend it well.

It's good to be reflective from time to time. If you're reflective all the time you never do anything; if you're never reflective you don't know where you're going.

That was long...but all well said!

Exactly. Sometimes, you have to make sure you're on the path and know your objective. My reflective state only lasts about 3 to 5 days generally. Reflection can become stagnant if you do it for too long.

Thanks