The paths in life.

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I understand a lot of people don't always know what path they're on in life, but how am I supposed to choose a path, or learn what path in life I'm on when I'm in a fucking desert... metaphorically speaking of course. So here's where I stand.

I'm almost 18 less than 2 months away. I feel worthless. I haven't gotten my license yet, though part of that is the schools part, regardless of the fact I'm homeschooled apparently they still need to sign a paper and they've yet to get it.

I don't have a job, and furthermore, I really can't get one due to some phobia's and stuff, I just really can't function. But I don't feel they'd qualify for disability, and I really don't want disability.

My education is a mess, I honestly don't know where I would stand in a grade. Somethings I've seen on my brothers old college work I can do, other things I can't. And it seems like I'm forgetting stuff, like basic multiplication. But then, most of the ways people explain how to do it, I just have some mental block or something, and I just can't grasp it.

And I can't find what level I'm at, if I go back to too early of a grade it's too easy, and doing it over and over again doesn't help me learn, but seems like just the next grade up, it gets too complicated, and I really can't understand it, and I seem to have A.D.H.D in where I honestly can not even look at the problems or try to figure it out longer than 2-5 minutes.

But it runs deeper then that, because honestly, I have no interest or joys in my life. And while I'd like to get my G.E.D maybe go to college, I can't find a real reason too.

Honestly, without a goal in life I just have nothing to work for, I don't see the point in having a G.E.D when ignoring my inability to really get a job, I have nothing I really want to do to work for, I don't see a point in going to college for 4 years and be in the same position I was before I started.

And then there's the stress and lack of joy.

I'm constantly stressed. Between dealing with my family, my autistic little brother, and my little brother who's just an asshole and nothing more. On top of that shit keeps breaking or just doesn't work. I upgraded my computer to windows 7 to use my new 30 dollar webcam, only to find out it won't read my motherboard with the sound card that cost me 300 bucks. Lucky me. Our indoor toilet fucked up and we're to far in debt and in the red to get it fixed so we have to use a damn outhouse again. Roof leaks here and there, the plumbing is fucked up. We have no cold water.

People treat me like shit, or like I'm not worth their time, and I have nothing to relieve my stress, you know, as much as I absolutely HATE it, I tried Cigs, Pot, Alcohol, and all they did was stress me out more. Games are just boring these days and piss me off more. My "friends" treat me like shit, use me or just flat out "have no time" for me, so I never have a way to just fucking relax.

So in short, I don't know what to do, where to go, how to wind down and relax, I'm almost 18 and I feel like a failure, and everyone constantly likes to remind me of those facts.

Some practical things first.Sometimes the only way to get things done is to do them yourself - it might be best to take a copy of the paper personally to the school, if you can.You need a proper independent assessment of your ability to get a job, and you may be able to get that for free through an unemployment agency or welfare - you should make enquiries. They may be able to tell you what sort of jobs you could do; but if you really can't work, disability is the appropriate thing.My impression is that you learn some things easily and others you have a real disability with.Financial independence is something to aim for. Your home life is a cause of stress and is eroding your self-esteem. You don't want to stay there forever, so it's worth looking to a path that will enable you eventually to leave. It may be through a GED and community college, or it may be through going directly into the workforce, or a disability pension. Again you need good independent testing and advice. Perhaps you could talk to the counsellor at the local school? Even though you are not enrolled at the school, you are in its area.You are depressed, but anyone would be when you can't see what way to go. Don't rely on your family, which seems to be really struggling itself, but see what good advice is available outside it.You are not a failure. Stumbling and bumbling about is normal. But you have had a harder row than most people.

dude... i'm almost twice your age and i'm in about the same place. i've got more personal debt than i can even think about, i've flunked out of college twice (and now have to pay those damn loans), and have had trouble keeping a job for more than a couple months since like 2003.at the same time i'm not too worried about it. life sucks sometimes but you only get one so you may as well make the most of it. so anyway i would say don't worry... you've got plenty of time to get things right if that's what you want. really though i would just focus on finding something that makes you happy