my problem is, i really dont respect myself at allall my life ive been weak, physically and mentally,i can count hundreds of times when people have pushed me around or humilated me and ive done nothing for fear of being beaten up,i rarely get trouble anymore. im big now and fairly confident so i get left alone, but years ago people would put gum in my hair, slap me, push me around, one time someone even made me jump up and down to prove that i didnt have change in my pockets so they wouldnt take it. damn. and i mean, nowadays i respond to all those things by punching the guy in the face- whether or not ill get beaten, but there are times when i just cantlike,when that person is a girl ( the 'ghetto' girls that hang around with gangs )huge guys, typically in gangs ( getting into a fight with a gang usually leads to hospitilization or being stabbed, things they do for fun )or like just now, it was 4 guys on bikes, and one of them said something like 'your mom' sucks something or other, and i mean, i just walked on. what could i have done? part of me wanted to get into a fight and at least keep my self respected, but i mean, im scared. i dont want to get the shit kicked out of me by 4 seventeen year olds. but i have no self respect. so i guess my problems are1) i hate myself for being so pathetic in the past2) i still back down sometimesthe worst part is it always seems to be me. weaker guys, shorter guys, etc, are always left alone and i dont know why. why is it always me?
No self respect
When you get bullied like that, it erodes away your self-respect, and it takes a long time to build it up again after. You weren't pathetic in the past, you survived as best you could. In real life it's not possible to be Superman and beat all the bullies up. Some will inevitably be stronger than you, and even a strong man can't take on two guys at once, let alone four, despite what you see in movies.I suspect you still get picked on because of your lack of self-confidence. Bullies know they can hurt you more because of it.
I think the proffesor's right. I have no personal experience like yours, really, but I don't think you should call yourself pathetic. Standing up for yourself is one thing, but standing up for yourself to little people who compeltely suck is probably not worth the trouble. You need to keep safe, too. So don't be too hard on yourself about it.