Hi, I’m Jordan, I’m entering my senior year in high school. First off, this will be long. So please, bare with me and read a lot of it so you really can understand where I’m coming from. This is part anxiety/depression and part girl problem.I’ve always had very little success with girls. My last girlfriend was in 8th grade and that was a result of my cousin hooking me up with her friend who goes to another school. I didn’t get to see her much at all, so we broke up. Since then, it’s been nothing. I never thought I was that bad looking, but I know I’m nothing special. I’ve been called cute and stuff but never have I had a girl “want” me. I could have and I never picked up on it, which would be part of my problem. I really do not enjoy school at all. My grades are slipping because of this. In my senior year, I plan to turn this all around. But since I hate school, in my classes I always seem to have my head down and rarely talk. I really can’t see a girl looking my way and thinking “damn, I really like that boy who has his head down and looks depressed all the time.” Some of you may think, ‘well, change that, keep your head up and at least pretend to act happy.’ Well, that’s the hard part. I can’t talk to people much less girls in the first place. And the girls in my school don’t really interest me. They all seem (or seemed) so innocent at one point, and now they’re all getting into drugs/drinking and having a lot of sex. And other than those girls, the other girls are like me. Bored depressed and lonely. Anyway, I used to have a lot of friends in school. However these past few years (10th and 11th grade) have changed my opinion on them. A lot of them I rarely talk to or don’t even talk to at all. Drugs are huge in my school, weed mostly, but shrooms and cocaine are getting big. When I hear about how a friend or former friend of mine starts doing shrooms or cocaine, I loose complete respect for them. And the most likely reason is that they’re not depressed and want to get into drugs, it’s that they’re giving into peer pressure. I never gave in. I’ve never done drugs, it just doesn’t interest me. Getting drunk/high just seems so over rated to me. And that’s probably another part of my problem. I don’t do the crap other kids my age do, so they turn away from me.I hope this doesn’t come off as “homosexual” because I don’t want it to. But I have a much easier time talking to guys than girls. Girls intimidate me, but I’ll talk to them if they talk to me. That’s another issue with me. I rarely talk to someone I’m just meeting unless I’m spoken to first. It takes awhile for me to ease up to someone, but if they show an interest towards me, I’ll talk right back. I think it’s pretty evedent that I’m a shy person. Not your typical shy, because I csn get along with just about anyone. But it takes a little for me to ease up to someone.I have a small group of friends that I keep with me who are the only people in my school I really give a crap about. Sure they get on my nerves because I spend so much time with them. But that’s about it, those kids are the only people in my big school I really get along with. And seeing what the other kids are doing in my school, the fact that they’re my only friends doesn’t hurt me.So I hope now you get it. I’m shy, but I can be friendly only if I’m spoken to first. And with me not being interested in any other the girls in my school, where’s the girl problem part of this post? Well, around this time last year, I started working at a restaurant. I became friendly with everyone there. It was different from school because it was mostly people I was just meeting and rather than 800 some people like my school, there are only about 30. I started really liking it. Sure, it was work but I was much more accepted there than I was at school. Like I said, I usually only speak when spoken to. Well there, everyone was very nice and wanted to get to know me. So, like a sane human, I spoke back and I’m friendly with everyone there.So there’s a girl who works there. Only until about February did I start talking to her. We would talk just about life and such. And here and there we would flirt. First off, I can’t flirt. That’s probably my number one problem when it comes to girls. When I talk to girls, I’m just very nice and try to get to know them better. That’s about it. We talk like we’re friends because I don’t know how to do anything else. It’s beyond me how to flirt. Another problem I have is self-confidence, and the fact that I hate being embarrassed. When you flirt, there’s obviously a risk of embarrassing yourself. I never wanted to say the wrong thing or say something entirely stupid that would make me seem like a dumbass, so when I talk to girls at work, I stay at subject where I don’t screw up and say the wrong thing. So we’d flirt and stuff. It was all new to me. She always made sure to say hi to me whenever I came in. I did the same. We’d fool around and stuff I felt like I was getting somewhere with her. She used to do this flirty thing with my name where she’d be like “hi jorrrrrrrrrrdan”. OOOh that would bring chills down my spine. However, my dumbass response was just a happy Hi back. She came into work one day and told me about how she had a bad night and then said “well, I at least I get to work with jorrrrrrrdan” and rubbed my back. That’s really when I thought she was interested in me. Of course, I’m the guy so I would be the one to make the move and ask her if she wanted to do something sometime. Did I ever? No. because I can’t flirt and I’m a loser. So then there was a time when it all stopped. I think she felt that I wasn’t interested in her. She comes into work now, and doesn’t say Hi. We hardly talk. I just don’t know how to get her back. This is what sunk me into a depression recent. This is about the 3rd time this year that I tried to get a girl and have miserable failed at it. It gets me very anxtious and I wonder if I’ll ever find a girl. I feel very lonely lately, as if there’s no one to talk to about this. I just don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone I know about this. She seems very easy to get along with and I’m sure if I tried and said the right things, I could eventually go on a date with her sometime. But I don’t know how to say the right things or even what to say. There’s another guy who works with us who talks to her a lot and their families have been friends since they were kids. I’ve hinted to him the idea that I like her, but I’ll have to talk to him about that more. He said ‘maybe I could hook you two up sometime’ and I’ll have to talk to him about that soon. The loneliness overwhelms me. I haven’t been able to eat much at all for the past 2 days because of how miserable I feel about all of this. It’s not just the girl, it’s the fact that I’m a failure with stuff like this and it feels like at one point whenever I get close to a girl, I hit a brick wall. It could be because she got sick of waiting for me to make the more and stopped being interested with me. It just feels like I’ll never be able to find someone because of how bad I am at this.I obviously have horrible self-confidence and self esteem issues. I just need some advice I need to know what to say to this girl. I don’t want to give up on her. We already know each other pretty well for the most part. So its not like I’m meeting her for the first time. I need advice on what to do to solve this. This whole situation is making me sick and miserable.
I'm in desperate need of advice!
You sound something like my current boyfriend might have felt many years ago, and belive me, he is the sexiest man I know! He has told me how he had similar feelings, feeling really really shy around women in his teens, and really just not knowing what to do or say, but honey, I'm shy too! Being shy is just part of who you are, and a nice part too. I'm tired now, (been up for hours and hours) and will pm you tomorrow, please dont think this makes you a 'loser', cause it dosent, it just makes you a shy guy, which might actually make you sexier than you think!!
Hey Jordan - relax and lighten up a bit dude. It is not the end of the world although I understand how you might think it is. I think your age is one of the most awkward feeling times in life - you are not sure of who or what you are, where you are going, feelings of low self-esteem, shy and clumsy around girls, etc. Up front you need to know the boundaries at your workplace as far as flirting goes - if not you could lose your job over "sexual harrassment" - so first of all be clear on exactly what you can and can not do there. I know people who have lost their jobs for innocently "touching" a member of the opposite sex - so just be aware.My advice is to relax and be yourself. If you pretend to be someone you are not, you can not maintain it over the long run and eventually the real you will have to surface anyway.Despite what you see in the movies or on t.v. shows we don't always know the exact right way to behave and the "cool" things to say. Just talk to her - find out some common areas of interest - what is she interested in? Girls (and guys) love to talk about themselves - be a good listener and do something fun and flirty like leave a little "friendship" card for her at work - write a silly poem about her at work or just anything original - show her who you really are, give her a flower with a note and say "I still want to be friends.." or use a short quote from a song you like. Ask her "Hey maybe sometime after work (or before work on on a day off) we could get together for a coke or espresso." One thing about girls and life - sometimes you have to take risks - but if you take risks you have to be prepared to be shot down - its a numbers game - for every 10 shot-downs there will be some hits - this goes for just about everything in life. If you want to be "average" and never really try for the things you want in life then you have no one to blame but yourself - it takes balls to really live life the way you want.I can't tell you how many times I have been rejected by girls, but hey, I just figure that is their loss - and if they don't appreciate you, f*ck 'em, and move on - there are at least 4 billion more fish in the sea - if you get my drift.Take it easy and let us know how it goes.