Can't take this anymore

---

After years of depression, I'm finally admitting it and going to a doctor about it. I have bipolar depression from what I can tell, and it's been getting progressively worse. Since earlier this year, I've seriously considered whether I had problems with it - having family history of depression on one side and bipolar disorder on the other. At the time, I wasn't swinging back and forth from happy to sad to quite the extent that I am now, but keeping track of it it's obvious that it's not normal. I'm happy and outgoing for an evening, maybe a couple days, then I may just crash and become socially reclusive, afraid to talk because I don't want to say something stupid and angry at everyone for the smallest things. I met up with my friends today and I was ready to punch two of them for just joking around, stuff I'd normally have a good comeback for and is just in fun, but all I could think about was pummelling them. Now that's obviously far from healthy... and at least I realize why I feel this way and I can control it, but that doesn't make me feel any better on the inside.

I have an appointment next week Thursday. I plan on starting medication because despite my attempts at coping, I've realized that it's more than I can deal with. I'm sick of when depression hits me like this and I feel so helpless and without control over my own mood.

congrats on working up the courage! i hope the doc can help,and that one day i can do the same.

wow..u sound exactly like me..the diference being u have the guts 2 do sumthing about it. good luck, let us know how it goes at the docs

Good luck Rob! I also want to say I think it's very courageous to take charge and get the help you need. I'm very proud of you!

Fair play to you, I'd been suffering from clinical depression for years before I went for treatment. Believe me, your life will become so much more managable and enjoyable. Good luck!

Glad you're going to the doctor...they can really help with depression. Don't jump to the conclusion that you are bipolar, it's more complicated then you think. Often people who have it experience happy episodes for months, and then have a downfall that can last quite awhile, not just a few days.

My reason for thinking bipolar has to do with family history and living with my mom and step dad who are both bipolar (I know that his condition has nothing genetically to do with mine, but I've been around it and know quite a bit about it). My mood cycles over the course of what seems to be a bit more than a week. I have highs and to a greater extent lows and they seem to be affected greatly by changes in sleeping habits, as they usually are in bipolar disorder. I have other reasons to suspect it's bipolar disorder as opposed to regular depression as well.Bipolar disorder varies greatly among individuals in how long particular moods last and what extremes most people experience. Often times Type II, which is noted for reduced instances of mania and greater instances of depression, is far more rapid cycling than Type I. Now it's strange though, because you could almost say my moods tend to follow a double curve, where there's a wavy line following the course of another wavy line with a greater period of time that tends to be very seasonal. In other words I'm overall happier at certain times of the year and have greater instances of depression at other times - like right now. Or so I've been able to tell.

I went to the doctor earlier this week and got a prescription for Wellbutrin, something I was on previously at a younger age that was used to see if it would work for my apparent "ADD". He doesn't seem to think that it's bipolar disorder, and I'll trust him on that for now. His explanation, particularily for the fact that it tends to be stimulated by particular events, is that the hormones such as norepinephrine build up in high quantities giving me that similar sort of feeling, and then I crash in a couple days when that wears off. The funny part is that I don't crash though, it continues on for multiple days, although not thinking I was kind of just agreeing with what he was saying because it was still early in the morning and I was feeling really anxious (as I have been since I last felt really hyper on Sunday following a great night at a concert).I suppose I'll find out more later. It may take upwards to a month for the prescription to really take effect and I have an appointment booked shortly after that. There's no doubt this stuff is a stimulant though, I'm having difficulty getting to sleep and waking up early feeling hyped up, yet I'm not getting enough rest and can feel it later in the day. Hopefully I'll adjust to this.That's about all for now and I thank you all for the responses. It's nice to be able to put my thoughts down here and talk about it.

That's awesome, I'm so happy for you. I have Major Depression problems, and it will help to go to a doctor and get meds. trust me lol I know if I don't take my meds, you Dont want to even look at me lol