A little East Texas humor ^_^

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Only in East Texas

The owner of a golf course in Lufkin was confused

about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his

secretary for some mathematical help. He called

her into his office and said, "You graduated from

The University of Texas and I need some help.

If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how

much would you take off?" The secretary thought

a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

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A group of Tyler friends went deer hunting and

paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of

the hunters returned alone, staggering under the

weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?"

the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some

kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,"

the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry

laying out there and carried the deer back?"

they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter.

"But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

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A senior at Texas A&M was overheard saying..

"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be

in East Texas . When asked why, he replied he'd

rather be in East Texas because everything happens

in East Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the

civilized world.

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The young man from Texas A&M came running into

the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody

just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell,

but I got the license number."

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NEWS FLASH! -Bryan/College Station's worst disaster

occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane,

piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a

cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers

have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the

number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the

recovery efforts.

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A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-20.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

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A man in Tyler had a flat tire, pulled off on the

side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of

flowers in front of the car and one behind it

Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby

studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious

he turned around and went back. He asked the

fellow what the problem was. The man replied,

"I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they

tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the

back! I never did understand it either."

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:grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

Three college graduates are called into a big company office, the HR director says " I got one job and Iv narrowed it down to you three, but I jsut cant decide so we are all going to go to dinner tonight, have a civilized discussion and Ill make my choice."all three agree and get dressed up and head out to meet the limo that will take them to dinner.at dinner the Director says you all are great people, and you all have identical grades from 3 colleges and the ame degrees, I jsut cant decide. Im going to go home and in a few hours Ill call each of you at your room and ask a question, who ever gives me the best answer wins, now eat up and have a good time."all 3 eat up, but the harvard guy and the yale guy only have a few glasses of wine and skip desert the texas boy procedes to have 3 deserts, a glass of wine, some lobster, an ass load of beer, etc.so in the night the phone rings and mr harvard answers..."whats the fastest thing in the world ?""hmmmmmmm... light.""light? "" yes, light, you flip the switch on and the light is instantly on and filling the room with brightness""yup yup, good answer, Ill let ya know in the morning"The phone rings in mt yales room...when he answers the same question is asked."hmmmmmm... a thought...""a thought ?""yes sir ! as soon as you think it its done ! there cant be anything faster then a thought!""good answer !"so now he has 2 good answers and cant decide, he hopes mr texas can give him something that narrows it down to just one person and calls him asking the same question"The fastest thing in the world ? Thats easy" says the texan "Its shit""excuse me ?" says the director "shit ??!"Yes shit" says the texan"Could you explain ?" he asksThe texan replies "well I wa laying here feeling dinner and drinks and the phone rang startling me, before I could think,blink, or turn on a light I shit all over myself"

Okay, this one isn't Texas-specific, but since I've driven through texas a couple times, it sort of fits. My apologies, I posted this in another thread, but it's the only one I've got to cut-and-paste:A penguin is driving through the desert when suddenly his engine light comes on. He limps his car along for a bit and sees a sign for a service station and diner just ahead. The penguin pulls in at the service station and tells the mechanic what's happened. The mechanic tells him he'll look at the engine and suggests the penguin head over to the diner to refresh himself. The penguin agrees, enters the diner and proceeds to bury his face in a HUGE bowl of vanilla ice cream.When he finishes, the penguin heads back to the service station to find the mechanic. The mechanic sees him coming, steps out from in front of the car and says "well, it looks like you've blown a seal.""No," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."Okay, so it's awful....but I bet a lot of you tell it, tomorrow!