here's a question for the more "seasoned" men. my partner has never had an orgasm with intercourse... ever! he lost his virginity at 14 to a 21 year old playboy bunny. nope, not then, not ever. not with oral, not with hand jobs (from partner). as he gets a little older, sometimes has a problem maintaining an erection. he says he has never awoke with a morning erection and has never had a wet dream. i am told that "ejaculatory incompetence" is purely psychological in nature (it's a control thing) and that we need to see a sex therapist if he is ever to come with intercourse. i can't help but think that it could also be physiological. he usually masturbates himself to orgasm, but even this can take a great deal of time, and there is no way that the amount effort and speed taken for him to come could be recreated with intercourse. he has never talked to a doctor about this, no other partner has brough it up and the way it's gone has served him to middle age although he hasn't any children, nor has he been married. any insight would be much appreciated.
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Can't come with partner
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The idea that inability to ejaculate is purely psychological is not true. It can be psychological, but it could well be physiological, though if he won't see a doctor about it he may never know.Is he on any medication? Some medication, especially SSRI antidepressants, can stop or heavily delay orgasm.
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no, i forgot to mention the no meds part. he hasn't been on any medication and doesn't do any drugs. i think he's open to going to the m.d. but i can understand how it much it could make a man nervous to know that perhaps it is purely pyschological and he has been head trippin' for 25 years. that could be a kinda hard pill to swallow (no pun intended) and hard habit to break. i think that he's waiting to hear somebody say that it could be something medical (low testoserone or something). do you know what any medical reasons would be (outside of the anti depressants)? i mean, it's not that it stopped happening, it's never happened! geez, i remember 14 year old boys, and there was no holding it back, no matter how much head trippin' you're doing lol. oh, and for the record, he's not bi or gay. not that he has any homophobia, but that's not his thing either. i guess his brother would know if he was as his brother is gay.
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The possibility he was gay had occurred to me too, but I didn't like to say anything.
[Wikipedia's article on anorgasmia][0] mentions "diabetic neuropathy, multiple sclerosis, pelvic trauma, hormonal imbalances, . . . spinal cord injury and cardiovascular disease" as possible causes. Some others are listed later in the article, which is worth reading in full, even though it's mainly about women.
[0]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anorgasmia -
good article with some good links. funny thing is that i haven't much problem achieving orgasm, and if i haven't in a while or didn't , for whatever reason, during intercourse, will have numerous nocturnal emissions! hmmmmm, no, i'm not a 14 year old boy, lol. so, how do i gently encourage him to visit the physician? a man and his sexual performance is a fragile thing, no?