Well first let me start out by saying i'm 19 years old, and i'm definately in a hole in my life. It all really started 4 years ago when I was 15 years old, the summer before my sophomore year in High School. I had always been shy in school and stuff, but I did have a girlfriend at the time and I was a pretty happy kid, I wasn't doing up to my potential in school because of pure laziness, but I wasn't really doing too bad either. Well one night of that summer my mom told me that my dad, the one who was with me when I was born and I went and saw every weekend for my entire life wasn't even my real dad. The guy that I idolized and everything that I did was to impress him. The relationship with him...for me atleast, just hasn't been the same ever since. Actually come to think of it, I haven't been the same ever since. The next year in school I missed 60 days of the year, because I lost interest in school at all. Well the next year I was really behind so I decided to really up my effort and I was doing good for awhile, I was still missing too many days, but not as much as I had. I was then kicked out of school during the semester for my attendance problems. Soon thereafter, my girlfriend broke up with me because I got kicked out, and that's when I changed. Through all of my life I never had drank, smoked, done drugs, in fact I hated people who did.Well soon following my expulsion I drank for the first time. Then I started drinking more and more, then I started smoking pot. I was gettin drunk every weekend and getting high everyday atleast 3 times a day. It seems to me I've lost or pushed away all of the people that I had surrounded myself with beforehand. All of the people that I used to hang out with when I was in school, I no longer hung out with. My friends soon started moving, girls losing interest in me because I had/have zero initiative to do anything with my life.Well I basically have done jack shit the past 3 years and here I sit 19 years old, and I feel that i'm letting my life, especially my youth while I still have it, slip away from me. I know I'm only 19, but I can't get rid of the feeling that my life has been a failure. Actually it has been a failure and for some reason I can't get the will-power to turn it around.I would like to get my GED and go to a community college, but even then I still wouldn't know what I wanted to do with my life. There's nothing I have found that interests me for a career. I really would like to meet some people but I don't even know how to meet any new people, considering I live in a small town and I already know everyone. I currently work a full-time job, but it's not what i'd like to do forever.I have quit smoking pot for over a year, but now i'm thinking about getting started back on it again, and i've even considered trying some different drugs. I still drink too much and I believe I am becoming addicted, although I have cut-down since I started working. What really bothers me is how empty my life feels, and how lonely I really feel. I feel like I have nothing, and I also feel that I have no opportunity to have anything in my current situation.
Really been bothered lately...
Helm has a point with his suggestion--I, for one, know for sure and for certain that the US military gave me direction that I lacked. My friend, I was YOU 20 years ago and it sucked. When I was in high school I smoked more pot than I would have thought existed in the world, drank like a fish and basically...didn't live up to my potential. Then, one day, as I was sitting in my room getting stoned for the 5th time that day--by myself--I realized that I was going nowhere with that--it's just an escape...and it never lasts. That particular revelation got me away from pot, but still didn't drive me to do anything serious with my life. I found a job, had a girlfriend, and lived with my mom until I was 24...because my nowhere job wouldn't allow me to live on my own.At any rate, when I was 24, I'd broken up with my girlfriend of 3+ years and just couldn't stand being in that little town anymore. I joined the military and got a bit of structure in my life. Now, don't get me wrong: the military is not for everyone, but it will absolutely teach you discipline and respect--especially for yourself. There was a time when I knew for a fact that if I screwed up at my job, people could DIE! That, if nothing else, pushed me to do the absolute best I could. Oh, I knew a lot of waste-oids (pardon the made-up word) while I was in the service--and several were thrown out for being undesirable, so don't even contemplate it unless you're serious about putting in the effort.So, anyway, the military is a big step and not strictly necessary; you can do a lot by yourself, you just have to WANT to do it. the GED and community college are both good ideas because (most of) the best jobs go to those who can show someone they have a degree--not that the degree itself probably means shit when you actually have to do the job they offer you, but that you had the dedication to stick out all the horseshit that goes with getting a degree. And as far as not having an idea about what you'd like to do or be for the rest of your life, well...that's what the first two years of college are all about: exposing you to lots of different things--general knowledge--so you can figure it out. I can tell you this for certain, however: what you don't want to do is spend your life doing something you hate, or doing something that is so back-breaking that by the time you're 40 you feel like you're 80. Always work smarter, not harder.One last thing: if you should decide on the military, don't go Navy...you may see more of the world, but you spend a SHITLOAD of time on a ship (in most cases) and you'll sleep in a rack just big enough to hold you, three high, and have to fit the entirety of your life in a foot locker. If you decide to do it, go AIR FORCE! Once you reach a certain rank--usually within 2 years--you get your own barracks room and it's more like a dorm than a military barracks.I'm just sayin'....
I get the impression, selfpity875, that you don't have enough confidence in yourself as a person. However you've made a very big step by looking at how things are and thinking about what needs changing. Remember that people do not progress smoothly onward and upward. Real people fall over a lot. We spend most of our time falling over and picking ourselves up. As Wilde said, "We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars".Don't see your life as a failure. Lives don't get graded. Set yourself some simple achieveable goals and do them. As you get more confidence you'll then be able to plan some bigger goals further into the future.