For one thing i HATE drawing attention to myself, for years and years ive locked it away i always been the funny happy one but recently after a violent divore and i mean violent (towards me) torment and bullying an aold life full of heavy physical abuse from my brother i kept everythin shut away and for as im conerned i cant find the key!Lately i have found alcohol and weed more apealing, it sooths the pain , ive never told anyone how i felt as theres no one i feel i can tell, i dont worry what i would recive from friends or family being predejuce or jus thinking im crazy....i also heard about this "STAGE" in adolesence about suicidie and self hate but no one understands in me, i HATE everyone part from some ppl, i for one feel USELESS and i feel like if i was (and its apealing) gonna take my life id take some i hate with me!Im not gonna lielife at first was good...upon till i was 15 and found what a dick father was and how life can be ...all things hes done to me and everyone around me...brother is great now but he seems to forgot he used to leave me unconsious dail...i never feel sorry for myself i feel sorry for those who BOTHER!this is not a suicide note, but just SOME of the feeling si must say but I REALY HATE EVERYONE! i will leave a noteffs IM NOT A SHIITY SUICIDLE TEAN FUCK U!
You seem pretty full up with anger. It's not a good thing for you obviously. We've all been through some kind of hell, and it's all relative to our other life experiences. Here are a few of my tips:* Try not to spend time thinking about things that make you angry. Time spent being angry is time wasted in not being happy.* The anger doesn't get you anywhere, it doesn't solve the problem, help you to forget it, or get over it. I'd just steer clear of the things that stir up memories and hence make you angry.* Look to the future. What happened in the past has passed, and we can change our live's direction whenever we like, no matter what is behind us.* Stay away from the drugs + alcohol. At first they may seem like they help. However, later on you'll need the drugs just to feel normal, or as you do now when you're straight. You'll spend more time feeling worse than you are now, and you'll need to drink/smoke just to get back up feeling normal. Not good.* Drugs/alcohol will introduce their own spate of problems that'll make your life even tougher. Monetary problems (you're wasting money on it!), problems with the legality, medical problems, and then more relationship problems. Please avoid them at all costs.* Cutting down your intake doesn't work, once you've had a bit to drink you'll lose your inhibitions and get blind drunk. Just don't start in the first place.Feel free to post back here and let a bit more anger out if you like (within reason!), but once you've let it out don't let it back in.