Ive recently realised im a rubbish conversationalist. How do some people just talk well. Usually i struggle finding a topic to talk about, and when i do usually talk, its either mumbles, or 'yeah' and 'no'. Usually in conversation, i take a backseat and only say a comment every now and then because i dont know what else to add. On exceptions i go completely batshit crazy and hyper but that makes me look a fool. I dread 1 on 1 conversation, because i know its gonna be awkward silences and half-assed topics. It doesnt help either that im gaining a reputation as a mute.
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Talking
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talk to her as if you were talking to your best friends, if that doesnt work just say sometime, if you dont say anything she will never want to talk to you
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I ask a lot of questions... if she wonders why I ask a lot of questions I respond something like I just wanted to know about you.
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Umm, it seems you guys have misunderstood, i dont have any problems talking to girls, just talking in general. Maybe i should've called this overcoming shyness or something.
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Same advice applies. Ask questions. :smirk: I used to be shy, and this was the only way to break out of it.
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I HAVE THIS EXACT SAME PROBLEM!I thought I was alone in the world... anyone outside my immediate family and the only thing I can talk about is the weather or like in your case I go hyppo. I thought it was just a faze, but it has now dominated my entire personality. I have even lost friends because if it. The other problem I have is not letting a conversation that works once drop. Even I get bored.
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Chremon & Phoebe; The first thing you need to do is to relax about it, and I know that is difficult of course as it is hard to relax in a situation in which you feel stressed, but really it is the first and most important step.
Also, I think you are both putting too much pressure on yourselves and taking more than your share of the responsibility. If you're in a situation where you're talking to someone and the conversation goes nowhere I'm willing to bet you dont say to yourselves afterwards 'that was a right boring f***er'! Instead of thinking that it might possibly be anyones doing other than your own, you take all the responsibility onto yourselves; but it takes two people to make good conversation and the same rule applies to any other human interaction which requires two people to make it function sucessfully. Why take all the blame?
I think your over enthusiastic shouldering of responsibilty here is adding to your stress. You're not being fair on yourselves. Take it easy and stop running yourselves down!
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Starfish makes a great point. Keeping all the blame for yourself is hell on your self-esteem. Whenever I'm feeling like low, I'll go out and fix myself up. New haircut, new clothes, a hot bath which I rarely do, a nice workout, a delicious meal, trim my fingernails, trim any body hair I find not groomed the way I want it, go out and buy a new toothbrush and toothpaste, meditate. Stuff like that.
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Id like to thank you guys for your help. But, i hate to say this, its hard. Trying to relax when you have so many other people just clicking it around you, or asking questions when you dont have a clue what to ask.Maybe i do put too much weight on my shoulders, but like what starfish said, i never think 'that was a right boring f***er', but i always think other people thinks that of me. That sounds confusing but its the case.Im now four days in the school holidays and i have contacted nobody so far. My best mate who always plans stuff, is visiting his dad, andm y other best mates gone awol. I do have lots of people in my msn, but i always 'appear offline' and cannot bring myself to appear and talk.
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Even though I don't feel that comfortable in conversations, msn I feel completlely relaxed. Don't worry about the msn thing, trust me its so much easier cause you don't have to answer straight away, you can also stay as long as you want in conversation cause THEY CAN'T SEE YOU Just appear online and start a conversation with anyone.
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In reply to: but i always think other people thinks that of me That's probably not the case. Thoughts like that will scare you away from social interaction. It sounds like you care too much about what other people think of you. It's important to some extent, but it's not what equals your existence. Ya know?
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Unfortunately I'm somewhat in the same boat. The only advice I could give is, get out to music events and things like that, go shopping. Then you'll have things to talk about with friends and stuff. That said, I'm no good at it. If that fails, get drunk and enjoy yourself, 100% sure it'll work.