Well, we all know I am not only socially retarded but I'm also very confused when it comes to the male species... and I'm not just talking about the whole 'hair everywhere' issue either! lol Why must they be so damn complicated? I mean, it always seems harder to start a conversation with a guy than it is to change a flat tire on my car... doesn't that seem weird to anyone else? Maybe I'm over complicating things or I should stop thinking so hard lol Eh, what can I say? It's a problem I have!
Anyways, I finally took my handy dandy balls of steel I keep in a jar on my shelf and decided lastnight was the night I was going to throw caution to the wind and let this guy know how I feel about him. I've wanted to tell him for years but I always stepped aside for the other ladies and allowed myself to just be the "sweet caring best friend who always has a shoulder to cry on when needed" person-thing. I decided that it was time to finally let him know so I called him and asked to him to meet me at the store I work at after work because I needed to talk to him about something. Well I had my balls in my purse (where else would I carry them?) and I was waiting for him to show up and I was damn near going crazy on the inside! I kept doing the "Oh my gawd! What am I going to say? Oh no, what if...." and then it hit me... I've been friends with him for ages and I've talked and hung out with him more times than I can count so why am I nervous? Didn't know... well he finally shows up and we're sitting in his truck and I go completely blank! I had no idea what I would say or how to say it (I think my balls fell out on my walk to his truck). Finally after several minutes of uncomfy silence I blurted out "I know I'm neurotic, I can be a little off at times, and I'm a complete and total nut case most of the time, and you've seen me at my best and my worst. I've got to tell you this and I don't know how... I like you, I like you a lot and I don't know what to do about it." And do you know what I got in return for the first few minutes? Silence... nothing but silence. And then he finally spoke five minutes later and by this time I'm about to pass out because I was holding my breath and didn't realize I was and he tells me he feels the same but (why is there always a but??!?) he was afraid that he'd hurt me and that he was actually thinking of moving off to Florida.
Well we sat and talked... well he talked and I blubbered like a fool... and he tells me that's I'm beautiful and wonderful, and perfect, and that he doesn't want to hurt me, that we'll be closer friends because of this and that he doesn't want to rush into anything but through out the whole conversation all I got was and huge headache and still no answer to what I was wanting to know. He told me he liked me, he didn't want to hurt me, told me I was beautiful, basically said we'll just be friends, and then he ended up saying we 'might' go out saturday night... :confused: What in the hell is the matter with this guy? He rejected me and in the same sentence complimented me and then turned around and said he 'might' be free saturday night and that he 'might' be moving off to where ever and all this other crap and now I'm completely confused and angry because he really bruised my ego lastnight. Grrrrrrr! Sorry, I just really needed to rant.... if anyone has any advice I could use some right now... :scream_cat: