Long story short - I have been close friends with a girl for about six months. I grew to develop boyfriend-girlfriend feelings toward her, and finally got the courage to tell her how I felt. She just recently got out of a long-term relationship with a boyfriend (with him about a year) and has not been without a boyfriend for a significant period of time for a long time. Anyway, she said it was not the right time, and that she was not interested in getting into a relationship with anybody now. Essentially, she wants to be on her own for a while and learn what she wants to do with her life (we are both in our early 20s). She said she would not shut the door on something happening down the road however, and initially she did not seem uncomfortable talking about the situation (like uninterested girls might). However, now she seems to be trying to ignore me a bit. After looking at these message boards, I am a little disheartened. It seems like everyone here thinks that this type of response means that she is just feeding me a line, that I am and always will be a friend, that she will never be interested, that I need to get away from her, etc. What are people's opinions on this? Do you think it is possible that she is really just telling me the truth?Also, what are your recommendations on how best to handle the situation going forward?I can answer questions if you need more details.
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I told her how I felt...now what?
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I am genuinely sorry that my response will likely dishearten you further; but the reality as I see it, as a woman, is that if she were as interested as you are you would know about it by now. I think that, if she were significantly interested, far from seeming to ignore you, she would already be sending you all the signals you’d love to see from her.I'm not saying nothing will ever come of it: obviously someone who has never met you both is in no way placed to make such an assertion; I'm just saying that the signs are not looking great right now and you’d be ill advised to wrap yourself in knots about it.If you really really want this girl I can tell you the very worst thing you could do would be to present her with the idea that you are ever present and always available. It's a simple human behavioural trait; if someone offers you chicken every night of the week, doesn’t beef suddenly become more appealing? There are exceptions to this 'law', but at the beginning of a relationship (or possible relationship) it is a pretty good rule to abide by.I wish you all the best with this, and should there be any new developments or anything you'd like to discuss please feel free to do so. Good luck!
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I was just recently in your exact situation my friend. I had been with a girl on and off for about 2 years. In the last year our seperations where a lot lengthier. I always asked if she thought it might work one day and we could try to be together. She always told me "I don't know but it's a possibility."I always asked, "Well how big of a possibility?"She would always say, "I don't know, only time will tell. Right now I need to be alone and get my life together, I don't know how I'll feel in the future."I was always disheartened by this. Sometimes I rated the chances being 50%, others 95%, others 0.001% lol. I don't know what she ever TRULY thought, I sometimes think she kept me around because we're both good friends as well. Now a days we're in the middle of (probably) seperating ourselves romantically for good. I still have to figure out if I can be "just a friend" what with all our history. Anyway, I'll wager you a fair amount that if I were to ask her if there was a chance in the future she would say "Yes, there is definitely a chance."And I would ask "How big a chance?"And she would say, "How should I know? Time will tell!"My girl is exactly like yours, she has been in a relationship with one person or another for the better part of 4 or 5 years and now she just wants to be single for awhile. Actually a lot of my close friends are considering taking this route with their romantic partners as well. Sometimes people just need to be free of responsibility so they can discover themselves a little easier. It isn't always "Oh so-and-so just doesn't like you and she's only letting you down easy!" While that may be the case sometimes, it definitely comes down to the girls personality... we men aren't stupid... well... ok that's a lie.... we men aren't always stupid... if we know the girl well enough (say around 6 months ) you'd be able to tell if she was letting you down easy or not. Look at the obvious, is she looking for other guys? Does she have a crush on other guys? Does she complain about being single? Does she cry about her recently-lost BF, misses, and wants to see him again? Any yes's and she may have just let ya down nice. I hope she is genuine though, and I also hope your not someone I might know going after a girl I might be interested in still. We may have to duel to the death
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I would keep distant contact (on the phone a couple times a week, internet, maybe see each other at a group gathering once a week) and at the same time move on. This keeps the door to a possible relationship open while you're actually talking to other girls. If she's not interested in you enough to jump on an opening (such as a confession / telling her how you feel) then chances are you're better off looking elsewhere. Sometimes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.To go along with starfish's analogy, stop feeding her chicken.